My manager is a micro manager and I’ve no idea how to deal

[MadHatter36]

Please help or give me your advice.

I joined a firm 10 months ago which pays very well and above average. To put it into context the average role (outer London) pays £28k, where as I’m on £36.5k. So £8,500 above average.

There is me, my colleague (same level as me) and my manager who permanently work remote from home. Everyone else is hybrid working.

Anyway! To the point. My manage is a micro manager and it’s driving me insane. She’s checking our every move(me and my colleague), checking how many emails I’m answering, checking how many accounts I’m actioning & it’s all getting a bit much. My colleague is newer than me, and she comes down on him like a ton of bricks when he makes mistakes (albeit minor but I understand). I find when he is on annual leave, I get the brunt of her micro managing. I work 9-5, I logged in early today (8am) as it’s the school holidays as i wanted to get ahead for the day and make up for any interruptions (my son was home with me today, he is in year 6), yet I got bombarded with 11 calls throughout the day to ask me pointless questions. I feel it was to check on me. I’ve told her previously (in a nice way) to stop calling all the time as it interrupts the flow of things, and she promised she would stop it. She hasn’t. Today was the worst because my collegiate was off so it seems the emphasis was on me. She called me at 1.45 PM today to ask me what I was doing, and that I was taking ages to compete a task? I explained to her I had not long came back from lunch, as to which she replied “well you haven’t sent an email since 11am”, I explained I had been doing other things and how would she know what I’m doing? She told me she does a check on how many tasks I’ve done at 11am, followed by another check. I instantly said “micro management” and she flipped! She said how I must be away from my laptop all the time etcetc. I explained that was not true. Anyway, what on earth can I do about this ? She has pushed so many people out of this job, I think I’m the fourth person to do it since she became manager over a two year period , and she’s already told me it’s unlikely my colleague will pass his probation. I’m so fed up! But like the money. When either me or my colleague make an error, or I tell her I’ve got too much work, or I keep logging in 30 mins to an hour early to keep on top of my work load her response is “well your paid well so get on with it. I’m busy too”. Honestly, she does nothing but check on my and my colleague. She cannot be doing much herself surely calling me 11 times between 9-5? Should I confide in her manager?

Also:

I was training you up to do my role but youre clearly not cut out for my role

you need to write this down and add it in your complaint. You’re hired to do your job, not her job. You’re not being paid to do her job. Have you even expressed a desire for training to do her role? Beyond that, her behaviour isn’t that of a manager that cares about development. If she wanted you to do her job, she would be delegating you tasks of her own eg leader’s meetings or projects vs micromanaging your own projects.

As money isn’t an issue, leave ASAP and go back to your previous role.

I’m in the process of doing the same for similar reasons. I left my previous role to be closer to home and school, but remote working will make my occasional commute and the childcare juggle a lot easier.
I annoyingly can’t jump ship now, as I’ll lose my continuous service. I’ll be giving my notice any day now.

Mediation seems pointless and not worth the head space unless you’re thinking of staying.

Would resigning now and not working your notice, negatively affect the process of going back to your previous employer?

Will going off sick and possibly being off long term sick have a negative effect on you going back to your previous employer?

Thanks for coming back to me - @NaturalBae , if I went on sick this would not affect me going back to my previous employer. If I didn't work my notice this wouldn't affect me going back to my precious employer. I'm still on good terms with my previous employer and they never wanted me to go. I still meet up with my old team regularly for drinks and catch ups. I can walk back into a job there basically, however, it's a 9k pay cut. The pay cut comes with less responsibility, not much chance of progression, however it will go back to me not being micro managed, and me coming and going as I please. Any time I want to pick up my DC's or go watch an event, I can go, no
questions asked. Basically, my old role don't care what I do, where I do it (I worked on holiday once), so long as the job gets done. But like i said, this comes with a 9k pay cut. 29k down to 20k.. like I say, I can afford the pay cut, my husband has a good job, we have other investments that generate a small income. We don't need the money; but the extra money I was getting was going on holidays and decorating the house. This would have to be cut back a bit.

Oops , posted under my old mumsnet name above! Oh well. Thank you all for your advice

Good luck Op. I left my last job because of a micromanager. Luckily I had a new job to go, which was a promotion.

It wasn't until I had left that I realised how much it has affected me. It was a horrible time.

OP, yes I would expect someone paid £36.5k in finance outside London to do their contracted hours each day, being engaged in productive work all day. I would expect them to be able to manage their workload and escalate to me if they were falling behind or struggling with a task.

You can overcome your manager's lack of confidence by managing upwards. It

For example you could tackle this by organising a daily meeting at 9am where you set expectations with your manager what need to be completed that day, and agreeing with the manager how long each task should take. Then next day you quickly review yesterday's tasks and see what fell behind and why.

If your job is very reactive, then you might need to take a different approach eg you triage the requests you receive and add them to a list giving them an "effort estimate" in minutes and setting a priority/deadline.

You need to give your manager confidence that you are working productively. It seems she thinks your output is unacceptably low and that's why she is on your back.

The last thing I would ever do would be to give her what she wants by pre-empting their micro management or arranging meetings.

Fuck that shit.

She's acting dreadfully and yes, I would raise what she said with the manager above her - she should not be allowed to get away with it.

Also totally agree with this: I've had a micromanager and until you've been through it you don't realise how demoralising and demotivating it is.

Luckily it sounds like you have her manager's support - ime, the only way to beat this is with support higher up.

I’d have a frank discussion with her before escalating to her manager.

“[Name], I need you to hear me out for a moment. I’ve noticed that you have been calling me many times throughout the day, anywhere from 6 to 11 times [or whatever the right numbers are].

I appreciate how available you are making yourself to me as a manager, but when you call me that many times, it interrupts the flow of my work, and it makes me feel like you don’t trust me. This interaction model really isn’t working for me.

Here’s what I propose. I keep a running “To Do” list. I set it up each morning, and add urgent tasks to it as they arise. Why don’t you and I schedule a 15-minute call every morning at 9:15. I can share my prioritized list with you, and we can align on the goals for the day. If you’d like we can do a mid-day check every day at 1pm, and I can share my progress with you. Let’s also have a final touch-point at 4:30, just for 5 minutes, where we can review what’s been accomplished and confirm that everything is on track. I commit to reaching out to you pro-actively in between those check-ins, if ever I run into blockers or want your view on how to prioritize new incoming requests relative to the To Dos we’d agreed on in the morning.”

I think if you keep it fact-based and solution-oriented, she’ll have trouble saying you’re being unreasonable. 3 check-ins is still triple what I’d want, but baby steps… ;-)

@UpToMyElbowsInDiapers has nailed it really - fight fire with professionally placed fire.

Please don't take this the wrong way and I might have missed it in the thread, but are you meeting all your targets, deadlines, KPI's, whatever you're working with? Because, if you are meeting these perfectly well, the bottom line is that you are getting the work done and are an EFFECTIVE employee. So she has no grounds for complaint. Is she setting unrealistic deadlines or saying you're not quick enough?

(I get that you're being interrupted many times a day but are you using that as a reason for not meeting deadlines?)

Its also extremely poor form of her to contact you during holiday time. How would she feel if she was put in that position? Do you think she might have trust issues because you are a parent, working from home?

I wish you lots of luck with it all. Money isn't everything and if you're not happy at work, life is too short.

I have that manager too
every email I send I have to include them - book a room they want to know
go to the toilet they want to know just in case someone calls - it not to transfer phone just put it to answer phone!!

but they won’t cover my lunch breaks without huffing and puffing and then when I return they ask why that box is there - why have a photocopied 50 of x when they would have done 10 a day and done 50 over the week - fuck off
im waiting for jobs to come up and I’m applying for everything and anything

I'd speak to her manager this sounds horrendous

Hi all, I ended up putting in a grievance and going off sick. I had a grievance meeting today to go through my points. I need to wait for the outcome now while they do their investigation. I felt fine but after this meeting today I feel really sad, almost if I've made a mistake. I want to return to work but I can't face working under my manager. I feel so worn down and anxious after speaking out today. What are the chances of my manager getting dismissed after swearing at me, acting inappropriate, asking me over to her house to resolve things (absolute nut case - she lives 2 hours away from me). I declined and said I want to sort it with HR. I tried to resolve things with her direct over a call, and I feel like my concerns were minimised so I ended up putting in a grievance. If anyone has had a success story or anything similar, please reach out!

No one can say what the chances are for your manager getting sacked.

We aren’t privy to your grievance procedures or the evidence provided etc. But I would have thought that someone swearing at their member of staff would be dealt with strongly. Hang in there. Talk to your union rep if you have one

Being off sick will give you a bit of breathing space OP.

I have no experience to offer any form of help other than no calls with your manager so everything is documented/email form.

I'd do this. I'd also note when I'd raised with her that this style of management was interruptive and willingness to find a better working and reporting pattern.

@MadHatter36 there is no way you should have to put up with a micromanager over such a sustained period. This is not normal. If I treated my team like that, I'd be hanging my head in shame.

There is only a very slim chance they will take action to dismiss your manager so I'd rather not give you false hope. They have a big problem on their hands. This sort of behaviour and personality defect is a huge problem for staff retention but it's a tricky one to sort out due to UK employment law, which is a good thing where it offers employee protection but the downside is that it keeps managers like yours in post far longer than they deserve. If you were in US they would have been told to clear their desk and be gone in a week.

you've done exactly the right thing by lodging a grievance. It is clear your reputation and performance is intact. You have nothing to fear in that regard. Let the grievance process play out and stick to your guns, don't waver. You're doing a favour to all the other employees who've been subjected to her appalling behaviour. Let's hope she considers her own position...

Thank you all. Update: all of my evidence is submitted and signed off for it to be reviewed and suggestions made. I can't see further action being taken against her - maybe a written warning. I'll know more by the end of the week.

I have today found out my grievance has been upheld and it will go to a panel to decide further action. My company have said the matter for me is closed, that they have decided to give me a new manager to report in to, however I will still have to work with my ex manager on an "operational level", so I can't see how this will work. I've been told they're not allowed to tell me when the hearing will be or what the outcome will be which is frustrating.

What a tremendous achievement, @MadHatter36 well done.

Believe me, with the evidence you will have given, your ex-manager will have the biggest wake-up call of her life. It's amazing how quickly people like her suddenly turn themselves around when they have the eyes of HR and management bearing down on them.

Either that, or she will leave of her own accord. Good riddance, hopefully someone in the future will benefit from your effort in turning that bully into someone people can actually work with!

I'm so pleased for you, enjoy the peace of mind. If the shenanigans don't cease then you can go straight back to HR, but I doubt anyone in their right mind who values their career will persist with such appalling behaviour

I'm delighted your appeal has been upheld. It takes courage to raise a grievance and I'm pleased you have been taken seriously.

Although frustrating they say it is closed to you, they have to consider confidentiality to the manager.

Whilst I was on my HR call, the person (my now old boss) tried to call me. I'm on stress leave because of all of this! I informed HR whilst I was on the call and they said she's not allowed to contact me and they'll address it. I've extended my leave for another two weeks. Am I going crazy? Why would she try call me with an upcoming hearing !!!

I would just distance yourself from the situation, there's no need for you to engage with her, the most important thing is that you are on sick leave for a reason so don't let her sabotage that.

If she doesn't desist from calling you at home while you're in sick leave, report the facts back to HR. Rinse and repeat until she stops.

Know this is an old thread but what ended up happening? The person I report my work into is a contractor so my problem will resolve itself ultimately but no idea how long this will go on for. He joins every meeting I run to “give a different perspective.” My line manager is separate and I’ve spoken to him several times but doesn’t seem to have helped.
Never thought about a grievance. But given he’s a contractor I don’t know whether to bother. Was googling what I could get signed off sick for as I’ve had enough.