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Original poster

Am I right to feel bullied here?

27 replies

WitheringHeights8 · 09/04/2022 01:28

I started this job as a receptionist at a healthcare company three months ago to cover for sick leave. The moment I entered the building on the first day, I was met by a cold woman who didn’t even introduce herself, just merely showed me around and then left me to it. I have social anxiety and this was very hard for me, but my attitude was I’m not here to make friends and I need the money so I’ll just get on with it. I work with two administrators and it’s been so lonely. I’ve been constantly patronised by both of them. Laughed at when I asked questions and only acknowledged when I acknowledged them. Things came to a head last Friday when I overheard the cold woman call me “not very bright” on the phone to a contractor who id taken a message from for her. It was obviously about me as she referenced the email I’d sent her to him whilst laughing about me. As soon as she got off the phone to him I confronted her. I was met with defensiveness and denial. I went to my line manager crying, because I just couldn’t cope with anything anymore. This has confirmed my opinion of myself in this job and I don’t think I want to go back to work ever again. Has anyone else been in this position and bounced back? I feel like I am in the wrong and need all the advice I can get.

OP posts:
AnnesBrokenSlate · 09/04/2022 01:36

You're confusing a lot of different issues. I assume you're not in the UK. Where are you? That will impact on any employment advice.

Original poster
WitheringHeights8 · 09/04/2022 01:41

I’m in the UK. Is this the wrong section?

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 09/04/2022 01:44

I can see how she feels isolated
I'm not sure if it's bullied or not really but I can certainly see why you feel like you do and you don't sound like you're being unreasonable
I would look for another job

Original poster
WitheringHeights8 · 09/04/2022 01:48

If I am that stupid though, won’t I just get the same response everywhere? I know it’s a dog eat dog world I really felt I tried my best though. She didn’t even have the decency to be honest with me.

OP posts:
RockAndRollerskate · 09/04/2022 01:49

What did the line manager say?
Sorry OP it sounds awful, no one should have to dread going into work!
Is the person you’re covering on leave for MH reasons by any chance?

Original poster
WitheringHeights8 · 09/04/2022 01:58

Thanks for being empathetic to my situation. I want to believe it was because of mental health reasons because these women are so nasty about her. She’s an older woman and that’s all I know.

OP posts:
Original poster
WitheringHeights8 · 09/04/2022 02:00

The line manager slagged her off and told me she “wasn’t a high flyer” and he has had to demote her before. But he clearly wasn’t used to crying women in his office and he did say it might be “women’s issues”.

OP posts:
Saltyquiche · 09/04/2022 02:35

My experience is that often temporary and agency workers can sometimes be less welcomed. People expect them to pass through the workplace and not stay so make less effort to invest in relationships. It’s not personal

However with this horrid woman it won’t be about you at all, even though it sounds possibly like there was a mistake in the email. There is always a nice way of sorting any issue out. However She sounds unkind and cold in nature, her behaviour fully a reflection of her.

Personally I think it might be worth reflecting on what you’d like out of a job and looking at what’s on offer. Some work places are toxic, others not. A lot will depend upon the quality of leadership, so think about what sort of set up will help you thrive. Would you prefer to be a part of a supportive team? Would you like to do qualifications on the job? What sort of work would you find interesting?

Original poster
WitheringHeights8 · 09/04/2022 02:58

Yes but these folk made me feel unwelcome in a way that I wasn’t just “passing through” I was inconveniencing them. It wasn’t a mistake with the email: the guy had asked me to tell her he’d “kill her” if she didn’t respond, which I didn’t because I wasn’t on friendly terms with her.

What I think had happened is he’d asked her if I’d emailed her that “he’d kill her” if she didn’t reply, and she’d said no, she not very bright. I mean, would you pass that on unless you knew that person on a friendly level?

OP posts:
Calandor · 09/04/2022 03:10

It's difficult because we only have your interpretation and you're obviously very anxious, self judgemental etc. Are you definite you're not interpreting their attitudes wrong?

Criticising your work is mean but potentially not discrimination depending on the work.

Calandor · 09/04/2022 03:11

Although the 'womens issues' comment definitely is sexism

Sunnytwobridges · 09/04/2022 03:20

These women sound like nasty pieces of work. They are low level bullying you or at the very least they are undermining you . I wouldn’t be able to deal with that. and would be looking for a new job.

Original poster
WitheringHeights8 · 09/04/2022 10:16

I mean I’m not invited to any after work events. I had the door shut on me when they wanted to bitch about my “deer in headlights” face when I was scared about taking down an email address. This woman clearly thinks because I didn’t write verbatim an email to a contractor “I’ll kill her if she doesn’t” that i am “ not very bright”. She told me to not sign in every medical student when they were there for a visit. She thinks I’m an idiot and disposable

OP posts:
EmergencyPoncho · 09/04/2022 10:19

I think they are just horrible people in an unpleasant environment. Unprofessional also.

LIZS · 09/04/2022 10:22

They view you as a temp so see no reason to befriend you. It may even stem from whoever's sick leave you are covering. Just ignore and carry out the processes as required. Signing visitors in is common and good practice for many reasons not least in case pf fire evacuation. Take your brief from the lm and try to have a thicker skin. The staff all seem to have their own issues and the environment bitchy.

Theunamedcat · 09/04/2022 10:22

Why wouldn't you sign everyone in what happens if there is a fire?

Saying they will kill her is unprofessional im not surprised you didn't want to repeat that

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 09/04/2022 10:29

Why did you have a deer in the headlights looks when you were asked to write down an email address?

Do you often freeze up or struggle with very simply admin tasks? Because I could understand people being frustrated with that. It isnt nice to talk about you but look at the threads on here that some people write about their colleagues who cant handle the job/cant grasp basic concepts/been there for months but still cant follow procedure.

For those threads to exist, then the workers who really struggle also need to exist. And people are going to talk about them at work. That doesnt make it OK though.

If you feel actually bullied then you need to put in a grievance about your colleague. But if they are just doing what a lot of people on here do (lightly moaning about someone they see as not able to do the job) then I think you need to really knuckle down and learn how to do the job.

Original poster
WitheringHeights8 · 09/04/2022 11:25

Because I’m terrified of doing anything wrong. I know I’m an idiot but I try my hardest. Thanks though for confirming my bias

OP posts:
Original poster
WitheringHeights8 · 09/04/2022 11:31

I actually got the company a lot of work for a film company.

OP posts:
Original poster
WitheringHeights8 · 09/04/2022 11:41

@BeforeGodAndAllTheFish

Why did you have a deer in the headlights looks when you were asked to write down an email address?

Do you often freeze up or struggle with very simply admin tasks? Because I could understand people being frustrated with that. It isnt nice to talk about you but look at the threads on here that some people write about their colleagues who cant handle the job/cant grasp basic concepts/been there for months but still cant follow procedure.

For those threads to exist, then the workers who really struggle also need to exist. And people are going to talk about them at work. That doesnt make it OK though.

If you feel actually bullied then you need to put in a grievance about your colleague. But if they are just doing what a lot of people on here do (lightly moaning about someone they see as not able to do the job) then I think you need to really knuckle down and learn how to do the job.

Ok so how do I deal with a colleague who refuses to answer calls about finances
OP posts:
LIZS · 09/04/2022 12:04

Are they the right person to ask or have they just picked up from the person off sick? Refer to lm if colleague won't deal.

HoppingPavlova · 09/04/2022 12:14

I had the door shut on me when they wanted to bitch about my “deer in headlights” face when I was scared about taking down an email address.

What does this mean? Taking down an email is a basic task and especially for a receptionist which is the job you are doing. Is this representative of other tasks you are asked to perform, or was this a unique situation such as the person having an extremely heavy accent where you knew it would be challenging (god knows I understand this)? If there’s no trick to it then I get that your coworkers may be less than thrilled with your presence although their behaviour does sound childish.

Dumblebum · 09/04/2022 12:20

I mean this gently, but Why were you scared about taking down an email address?

I’m not sure how to offer help, and this woman doesn’t sound pleasant, but, there does seem to be some issues in terms of your anxiety and ability to perform, you shouldn’t be scared of taking down an email address and crying would show maybe you’re unable to cope mentally with the environment you’re in.

Can you start looking for other work and speak to your doctor about your anxiety and mental health issues?

Dumblebum · 09/04/2022 12:21

Ok so how do I deal with a colleague who refuses to answer calls about finances

I don’t understand this, how does this bear any relation to the poster you quoted?

If someone doesn’t respond escalate. Speak to your supervisor. Have you worked in admin before?

Luredbyapomegranate · 09/04/2022 12:32

@WitheringHeights8

The line manager slagged her off and told me she “wasn’t a high flyer” and he has had to demote her before. But he clearly wasn’t used to crying women in his office and he did say it might be “women’s issues”.
This sounds like a crazy work environment all round.

Look for another job. This level of bizarreness is not normal.

Don’t walk out though. It’s easier to get a job when you have one.

But are you also taking steps to manage your anxiety like CBT? It’s important to do that too.