Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Flip

Original poster

I've resigned, so why do I feel like shit?

17 replies

Gonnagetgoing · 30/03/2022 10:50

So I've resigned from a job (contract so not so bad) rather than be dismissed and my last day is Friday. I actually got a fairly good package in terms of money and when I leave.

But I spoke to an ex-colleague (she left in January) yesterday afternoon and she's since told me things I didn't know about other colleagues, the EAs/PAs - that it's a toxic environment, they aren't supportive of each other or only when it suits them. Small things like when we all met up last September in person for the first time, she'd recently got engaged and in our PA meeting nothing was said at all about this and neither when her grandmother died. When she and another colleague used a meeting room for work they were blanked by PAs afterwards and accused by one of them that they were in there talking about others (not true apparently).

Now I know this isn't my business and I'm leaving but considering what I've had to put up with recently I don't feel great about it all.

My question I suppose is, how should I get over this? Should I just do a get out and forget about it?

She also said that due to my lack of training (I had hardly any on at least 3 packages essential to my job, I asked a colleague for help with a package and got totally blanked re this) I could've potentially had a claim against them and that's why they've been generous.

What happened last week was after receiving an invite to a final meeting (I declined this) and also a final letter recommending dismissal I sent off an angry email saying how disgusted, disappointed I was etc with the whole process and one person in particular (the EA boss). After this, last Thursday I had a great Teams chat with the Head of People and Culture who was really nice, sympathetic, helped me to talk through/think through my decisions and I decided I'd resign. In fact I wished I'd known about this person before as I could've spoken to her about this whole scenario.

All the above has got my head muddled, got me upset again and wondering why their processes/procedures are not good, not good management and also not fair.

OP posts:

dfendyr · 30/03/2022 10:54

I actually got a fairly good package in terms of money and when I leave.

Focus on this and let the rest go

Sturmundcalm · 30/03/2022 13:15

^WSS...

if you were there on a contract it's unlikely you'd have rights to make a claim except on discrimination grounds. it's not your job to fix the problems there, just focus on yourself and finding a positive way forward.

Original poster

Gonnagetgoing · 30/03/2022 14:13

@Strumundcalm - I don't know the ins and outs of claims but I do know that I wasn't trained properly.

That doesn't mean to say I can't be upset with the way they've treated me and especially knowing there's a toxic environment there.

OP posts:

Sturmundcalm · 30/03/2022 14:27

You can absolutely be upset, and I left a workplace some years ago feeling like crap because of the way I was treated, BUT you've left, you've had a decent package so what are you trying to achieve at this point?

mynameiscalypso · 30/03/2022 14:30

If your ex colleague told you it was a toxic environment, does that mean that you didn't think it was personally? If so, it's not really your battle to fight is it?

Hoppinggreen · 30/03/2022 14:31

If you are the poster I think you are you have posted many times about your situation. It sounds awful and you have been treated badly but you have really let them get under your skin and I think it would be better if you just put it all behind you and moved on now

cornflakedreams · 30/03/2022 14:33

@Hoppinggreen

Agree. I think you need to focus on how you move forward.

Thewindwhispers · 30/03/2022 14:51

Let it go
Let it gooooo
Turn away and slam the door!

Original poster

Gonnagetgoing · 30/03/2022 15:35

@Hoppinggreen

@Hoppinggreen - I agree I have really let them get under my skin but this is because their bloody probation review including 2 meetings, a 1:1 even after the final one etc has been really tough!

My boss (not the EA one) agrees this has been tough.

I am trying to put it all behind me and move on but it doesn't help when I get sent emails which are trying to put me down (re work etc) and which make me want to smack the person who's sent them in the face.

OP posts:

Original poster

Gonnagetgoing · 30/03/2022 15:36

@mynameiscalypso

If your ex colleague told you it was a toxic environment, does that mean that you didn't think it was personally? If so, it's not really your battle to fight is it?

@mynameiscalypso - it's a bit of both I think - personally and toxic.

But as a few other people have said here I will try to let it go.

Easier said than done though.

OP posts:

potter5 · 30/03/2022 16:18

I could have written this. Treated badly, no training, accused of doing something I didn't do, shouted at etc.
Was told no training available and I would have to learn the job as I went along. After 4 weeks I decided to resign. They couldn't understand why!!!! Only 3 women in the office but all of them were completely horrible and unwelcoming. Have been at home a few weeks now and it still upsets me about how I was treated. Not sure I have the confidence yet to go back out there and look for a job.

Moobootoyoutoo · 30/03/2022 16:24

What about any of that can you control though? Realistically very little to nothing at all, focus on your life, what you can control and box the rest up and look forward

Exciting times to take your good package and then find a job in which you are valued and hopefully one that you find intrinsically rewarding

Original poster

Gonnagetgoing · 30/03/2022 16:31

@potter5 - oh no! So sorry to hear you’ve had to go through the same experience though mines been over 8 months! I kind of wish I had left after 4 weeks!

It’s just really left me demoralised and the main boss is a complete bitch and obviously relishes her power and a chance to put people down!

@Moobootoyoutoo I totally get what you’re saying. I think if I didn’t have 2 days left (and my boss being a bitch throughout).

OP posts:

MindPalace · 30/03/2022 17:58

In the same position tho slightly different. Been at job 15 years, middle management, high performer, great feedback from my staff, peers and seniors. Then told them I had MH issues. Never let it affect my work but got suspended without cause a year ago.

They haven’t let me back despite my psychiatrist, gp, counsellor, sister, husband and lawyer insisting I need to work for my MH.

Despite my strong legal case I’ve given up. I have managed to secure a new job by some miracle but it was a fluke. On paper it’s probably better, more money, senior rather than middle management, and I know I’d say well done to anyone who was in my position. But I don’t want it. I want to stay where I am. And my confidence is so low I’ll probably be sacked within the first week.

HR and senior management have treated me so badly I feel destroyed. Despite the good package I feel suicidal again (have had previous attempts). The toxic workplace is damaging everyone, and many people want to leave. But that makes it worse. It was such a nice place to be.

My package is good but I don’t think I will ever get over this.

Sorry to everyone in the same position. X

MajorCarolDanvers · 30/03/2022 18:13

It all sounds bitchy and juvenile. You are best out of there. Focus on your good package and start looking for something else.

Original poster

Gonnagetgoing · 01/04/2022 12:06

@MajorCarolDanvers and @MindPalace - thank you so much for your comments and support!

I've got 2 interviews for 2 permanent jobs - not in academia nor in charities next week!

@MindPalace - why do you want to stay in your current job if it's so toxic? Are you worried about a change after 15 years? Do you like things about your job?

I've never had a job for 15 years though!

I'd concentrate on your new job and building up your confidence. Do you do yoga or meditation to help with stress and confidence? That can be a good backup and has helped me immensely in the past especially with work issues.

OP posts:

MindPalace · 01/04/2022 12:55

Thanks

Yes I am worried about the change. And my heart breaks when I think about how happy I was in my job, working very hard, helping my team, going for drinks, having complete autonomy over my time, tea breaks etc, people loved me and respected me, and i loved them.

It’s just senior management that is toxic.

I feel so isolated and lonely and devastated.

The new job is much more corporate, seems less friendly and will be very full on and target driven. The last one perhaps inevitable as it’s a more senior role. I think I hate it already.

I keep thinking I shouldn’t have said X or Y, and then I would still be happy and working in my old job. I’m being torn away from everything I love and feel broken. I can’t breathe sometimes.

So sorry for the melodrama. Yoga etc don’t seem to help me. I have psychologists who try to but I think I’m beyond help. I can see another inpatient stay in a psych hospital being likely as I am starting to feel suicidal and hopeless again, but I need to keep going before my DCs go back to university.

Good luck for your two roles. That’s amazing!! I’m sure you’ll smash them! X

Flip