Being told I can't handle stress

[EmCa1986]

I am currently going through a stressy situation where the company I have worked for, for 15 years has been bought out. With the future of my job in jeopardy it is a very stressful environment. However I found out that most of the company I work for knew about the business being taken over (all men) and I wasnt told because 'I couldn't take the stress'. I found this highly insulting. Yes I may get tearful in stressful situations but then I get on with it and carry on. I am totally fed up with emotion being seen as a weakness. Just wanted to vent and see if anyone else has been treated like this and how they dealt with it.

Thanks all

Christ. That's making me feel stressed just imagining you being singled out and patronised in this way.

A buy-out situation is very stressful. These wankers would be lying to themselves if they weren't feeling stressed, and weren't acting out in some way because of it, even if it isn't by showing emotion in the same way you do.

I have to say, I'd be looking to use the buy-out as an excuse to be looking for a new job. In terms of the specific decision to not to tell you about the buy-out I would see that as reflecting poorly on them, and not you.

I hope that, one way or another, you have more certainty soon.

* Yes I may get tearful in stressful situations but then I get on with it and carry on. I am totally fed up with emotion being seen as a weakness.*

^Well they aren’t wrong are they? If rolled my eyes at anyone that gets teary at work everytime they got stressed.

Well you shouldn’t be getting tearful at work.

What are you 10?

Work is a professional environment so stop getting teary. Your colleagues may have more respect for you then.

I think you're all being very unfair, you obviously don't find it difficult to control involuntary tears other people do (even the odd man). I'm the kind of person whose voice goes a bit wobbly when people get cross and shouty and have had to get my hankies out occasionally but I don't make a fuss or do it for attention, i just blow my nose and get on with it. Surely people can tell the difference?

I just think people are very judgy that tears are a bad thing. I honestly feel that just because you can hide your emotion doesnt make you a bettwr person. The world would be a better place if people were more undestanding and judge less.

You are the kind of person who obviously needs to be less judgy and more understanding

@EmCa1986

I just think people are very judgy that tears are a bad thing. I honestly feel that just because you can hide your emotion doesnt make you a bettwr person. The world would be a better place if people were more undestanding and judge less.

I never said in a better person then you but I’m clearly a bit more professional then you.

Yes I may get tearful in stressful situations but then I get on with it and carry on. I am totally fed up with emotion being seen as a weakness.

Emotions aren't a weakness, but becoming tearful in a business environment is not acceptable. Every woman I have known that would cry at work due to work related issues was a weak link and not well respected professionally, especially if it happened several times.

It’s funny, words like “stressed” and “resilience” which all basically point to the same thing, being able to withstand a situation in a certain way, usually attributed to men

I don’t think it shows weakness to show emotion, it would be a more balanced workplace if more people did

Some people are better at putting on a professional face than others. And that includes tears.

How often are you crying at work if your teammates are aware of that and avoid it?

I’m sorry but crying at work in stressful situations is unprofessional.
It must have happened pretty often for other people at work to see it as an issue

There are some robots on here tonight.

@WTF475878237NC

There are some robots on here tonight.

🙄

You mean adults who behave like professionals?

Do you remember the thread about the primary school TA who had been off sick and cried when she returned to school because they had moved her to a new class. She cried in front of the children because she was upset and she was very put out when her manager sent her home. It really is unprofessional to cry at work.
I would link to the thread but MN took it down because the OP was so upset that most posters didn't agree with her unprofessional behaviour.

@WTF475878237NC

There are some robots on here tonight.

It’s not Robots vs repeatedly crying at work There is a middle way

If you don't know what it's like to have tears come very easily (for all the women I know it's frustration or anger that brings it on, not stereotypical upset/hurt) then maybe it's hard to understand that it's not really something you control. It's like blushing.

Do you call people who blush "unprofessional"?

I know exactly what its like for tears to come easily, but you really need to work on being able to control it. Even if it just til you get to the toilet.

Not being able to control your emotions is very rarely a good thing in a professional setting. Wegher it's anger, frustration sadness.

I would guess, Most of these people would have known be abuse they heard it through the grape vine. The fact that no one chose to be the one to share it with you because you cry, is entirely understandable. They may have even thought it was a best thing to do, as to not stress you out when there's nothing you can do.

If it was a management decision, I would be very concerned that my inability to xontr my emotions was making my manager feel I couldn't handle things.

There's a massive difference between showing you are unhappy with a situation and not controlling the emotion.

And no, I don't think it should become normal that people cry at work when told some news that maybe be stressful for them. They should be able to share their concerns. But that should be done in a controlable manner.

Expressing your feelings and reactions is very different to not being able to control it. That goes for both men and women. I get fed up of angry men in the work place thinking it's OK. It's OK to express their are unhappy. Not display anger.

It suggests that women are ruled by their emotions. We are conditioned to find watching some one cry an upsetting experience. No little child would notice or be upset by an adult blushing. Seeing an adult bawling would be very distressing for a small child.
Crying at work is very unprofessional behaviour.A one off cry most colleagues would understand but someone who persistently cries at work is unpleasant and uncomfortable for those around them.

When you say you get teary, how often is that?

I have cried at work, about 5 times in 20 years.

Everyone I know has cried at work. Including me.

I won award voted by colleagues for my work.

Surely an unprofessional harpie like myself should go hide in a box according to some of the posters on here, not win awards and recognition.

I am with you op. They should have let you in on the situation because you are an adult of equal status in your organisation. It is not for them to make judgements on what might be your response.

I am a vice president of a multinational, male dominated, tech company (you'll just have to take my word for it). I'm the youngest VP (at 43) and one of only a handful of women.

I cry at work. More than quarterly.

Not because I'm sad, but because I care. Sometimes because I'm frustrated, but mainly... Just because I CARE.

I am not ashamed of my emotional responses, I live them, breathe them and fully own them. They are part of what makes me good at my job, and a good coach and mentor to my junior colleagues, male and female.

I'd feel the same OP, they others have patronised and misunderstood you, judged you based on some patriarchal rules which belong in the 1950's.

I'd take the bull by the horns, explain your position. Actively investigate whether the acquirer is somewhere you'd WANT to work, and if not, find a new role (depending on timing and value of severance, I might wait to be made redundant with a new job in the wings).

I have worked as a teacher all my life. Occasionally there will be a colleague who bursts into tears if a student upsets them. It is so uncomfortable for other students. A teacher crying does not bode well for classroom management and other staff have to intervene. Weeping teachers generally don't last long. Ask your own children how often their teachers cry. It will be incredibly rare. Ditto crying nurses or retail assistants.
Crying is a call for attention. It focuses others on you rather than on clients or children or shoppers. It is why people cry if they are in pain. It is why babies cry. Everything is interrupted to focus on the distress signals.
It is not a fair to make other colleagues stop work to deal with someone crying. It is not professional hence the TA crying in front of a class of small children being sent home.

I view crying at work the same way as any other emotional outburst (shouting, having a bit of a rant, slamming something down on a desk) i.e. not necessarily the end of the world in limited frequency, but indicative of someone either under a lot of stress, or with issues controlling their behaviour and showing due consideration to their colleagues. Both scenarios should be addressed (supportively).

In the same way as people don’t want to interact with a routinely shouty man, they don’t want want to interact with a routinely weepy woman. Feel free to flip either of the genders.

Everyone I know has cried at work. Including me.

You cry regularly enough that everyone is aware you cry under stress?

I have cried at work. Quite recently. Mum died in December and it was a bad day. I do not expect my colleagues to judge me on that when I have worked for them for years.

But also to be known as a someone who cries and someone who can't handle stress. It happens alot.