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Lack of confidence and anxiety holding me back

5 replies

Meltinthemiddle · 13/03/2022 16:47

I just feel that i can't cope with pressure or decision making because I have no belief in myself. I've just started a new job so constantly questioning and self doubting myself. When I come across a new situation I panic if I'm doing it right and really sweat about the small stuff and think of the worst case scenarios so go home thinking I've made a mistake. And I honestly mean the small stuff. For example I was asked to put the children's contact books in their bags which I did but I had to double check myself that they were in the right bags. I then went home worrying what if I may have put one in the wrong bag, breaching parent confidentiality etc. I'm just finding everything overwhelming to the point I think about just working in a shop but then I imagine all the things I could do that go wrong there. I consider myself to be fairly intelligent with common sense but my anxiety makes me question myself constantly to the point I do make mistakes or don't use my initiative. I feel like I avoid situations like leading the room and then I get more anxious each time I know there's an opportunity for me to do it or make myself busy to avoid it. What is wrong with me 😔

OP posts:
Beansprout30 · 13/03/2022 17:57

Nothing is wrong with you, how long have you been in the job? It takes time to settle in, I’ve just started a new job and feeling the same, doesn’t help that the person training me is not great at explaining things and gives me half hearted instructions and then I’m not sure what exactly needs doing!

Meltinthemiddle · 13/03/2022 18:34

Thank you for the reply I've been there nearly 4mths but hit the ground running due to lack of staff and supply staff. So no one to properly explain things or show me and before you know it its almost like they expect you to know because you've just got in with it hoping for the best.
I just can't shake off this anxiety as felt very much out of my depth as a it's a SEN school so very different to my nursery roots. I just worry about stupid stuff yet I've been allocated to work with some children with severe needs so must be trusted. The only thing is this is also causing me anxiety due to the stress of the challenging behaviour and getting hurt daily l. Basically writing this I'm OK in my comfort zone after a while but when people give me extra or new responsibility that challenges me I can't cope. I'm already looking for other jobs in another area but when I read the descriptions I just think I can't do that because I'm not capable and won't be able to learn it. I just think I'm useless and stupid. When I used to lock up for the nursery I'd panic that I've not turned something off or not down it properly. Obviously the more I did it the more I bacame confident but initially I'd really stress about it double and triple checking everything.

OP posts:
Meltinthemiddle · 13/03/2022 18:40

I probably do give the impression I am coping but internally I'm not 😔

OP posts:
RoyKentsChestHair · 13/03/2022 18:50

I’ve just started a job in a school and they really do hammer home the GDPR/Safeguarding stuff to the point it makes me anxious too. One tiny mistake (the wrong code in a register) could be a huge issue. And I’m making daft mistakes like ticking the wrong child as absent when a parent phones in with just a first name. It’s very stressful and not well paid for the level of responsibility they give you. Try not to let it follow you home - easier said than done I know! I remembered at bed time something I’d missed earlier in the day. Then couldn’t sleep. And so was more tired and useless the next day! It’s a vicious circle.

RoyKentsChestHair · 13/03/2022 18:52

@Meltinthemiddle

I probably do give the impression I am coping but internally I'm not 😔
Ask for some support. You’re not helping yourself if you’re covering up the issues you’re having. Speak to your line manager and see whether there’s any systems or training you can do to help make things run more smoothly.
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