Nothing in common with much younger colleagues

[LizzieRose16]

Hello

Not sure what to do, am sitting here feeling physically sick at the thought of going into work tomorrow. After losing my PA role during the first lockdown I took some time out and then found an Admin role with a small, local company six months ago. I just don't fit in, I am 58 whilst my four colleagues are age 21-26, all have worked there since leaving school, they socialise outside of work and the atmosphere is very cliquey with lots of whispering. I try to start conversations etc but only get short responses, they are polite rather than friendly. I thought I just needed to give things time to settle but quite honestly, I've never felt so lonely in my working life. I'm used to larger offices with a mixed age range but here I seem to stick out like a sore thumb. On my first day my boss mentioned (for the first time!) that the others were a young team but that she had wanted me because of the confidential nature of the work I do, she felt a more mature person would be more trustworthy. She is my age but sits in her own office all day. I split with my long term partner a couple of years ago and find I'm going home and spending the whole evening worrying about this and then not sleeping for more than a few hours. I've always enjoyed work but desperately want to leave this job. I have enough put by to last 9 months, I will do pretty much anything. I have to give eight weeks notice so have time to look for something else. Have any of you left a job without something else to go to?

I did, similar situation really. The people in my team were 17-21 and I’m almost 40. I didn’t think it would bother me, never fitted in and after a year I finally admitted that it just made me miserable. Handed in my notice, out of work for two months & now work with a mixed age of 25-75 & so much happier

Thanks so much for replying Ski36. I also initially thought it wouldn't bother me, how wrong I was! Your current age range sounds great, do you mind me asking what type of work you do?

Oh this sounds really tough OP, sorry you’re so unhappy in this job

I haven’t ever left a job without one to go to but it sounds like you have a decent amount of savings to tide you over.

Could you start looking in the meantime before you quit or do you just want a clean slate so you can concentrate on finding something new?

Good luck, you’ll find something I’m sure, there’s no point being so unhappy in your work.

I've never been in that situation but if I was you I would definitely hand in my notice and look for something else. If you've got enough money to last 9 months and you need to work 2 months notice, that gives you 11 months to find something else. Start looking now and hopefully you will get something soon and won't have to use up all your savings.
For the rest of the time you're there I wouldn't bother trying to make conversation with them.

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. It's a pretty demoralising atmosphere to work in each day. I will be handing in my notice in the next few weeks. Fingers crossed I am still employable at 58 as financially I need to work to keep a roof over my head!

Good luck! I’m sure with all your experience you’ll find something new.

You could even look for something part time as you’ve got savings to make your money last longer, or pick up two part time jobs rather than a full time - you’ve got lots of options 😊

My Aunt is 64 and has just got a new job for similar reasons. Go for it.

Sounds like moving on is the best plan.

I wonder if you have just been unlucky with the personalities involved rather than it being because of their ages.

Good luck with your job hunt. 🤞🏻

Due to your age, I really wouldn't leave without having a job to go to. It's too scary. Spend every minute looking for a new job and leave as soon as you find one, but don't risk your savings and don't risk not having a job to go to.

Good PAs are like gold dust.

Is it important to you to socialise with people from work? I imagine the last couple of years must have been tough to be getting into a new job and the end of a relationship, but now things are opening up do you have any hobbies old or new that you can do in your spare time so it's not all about work?

Good luck

It’s in an office, admin type role with a bit of sales added in, for a family business. I hope you get sorted 🙂

Two things jump out at me from you post.
1 is you split from your partner so spend eves dwelling on your work day perhaps hobbies or intrests would distract you and
2 you are at an age where finding work is trickier but never impossible 😁
I say this as a woman of a similar age.
I too work in a much younger team school leavers to 30.
I have felt quite left out a0s they are all male too.
Luckily another mid 50s woman started in another dept.I never realised how much having someone to relate to would improve my worklife.
You have my sympathies but I would treat work as work and look for outside activities while I looked for another job.
Good luck.

Thanks again everyone, I've taken your comments on board and will try to stay put whilst I look for another job. I have a bit of an issue because I have to give 8 weeks notice which is unusual for an admin role. I've spoken to a couple of agencies, the general feeling is that most companies wouldn't wait that long unless it was for a more senior position and that, coupled with my age, does make me a little fearful of leaving without something else to go to. I know my boss will make me work the full notice period so I suspect this could turn out to be quite problematic. Whatisforteamum, you are spot on, I feel totally left out, something I have never experienced before. I am going to do as you and others have suggested, build up my social life (there is room for improvement there!) and treat work as work and try to stop feeling so bloody anxious about it all the time. I have a small circle of very good friends but the various lockdowns meant that we saw a lot less of each other. Things are slowly getting back to normal on that front so at least I won't feel quite so isolated.

Can you not resign? Wait until the end of the month for payday then resign. You've been there 6 months and they want 8 weeks na fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Then sign up to a couple of agencies, and go for temp roles, you've got loads of experience so you should find something quickly.

I had an interview yesterday, and although I've only got 3 years experience in administration, they said it was really hard to find people who were experienced in office administration.

I really feel for you OP. It's not nice feeling left out and sometimes no matter how hard you try you just can't find a way in. I'm a bit younger than you but have also experienced that feeling when the rest of the team is younger, and it's hard not to let it effect you.

I have previously left a job with nothing to go to but I was much younger, I'd be more cautious now but if you are unhappy and have savings then don't stay indefinitely making yourself miserable. You can usually get a new job easier whilst you have a job so start looking now. But if you have to give 8 weeks notice then that could hold you back so if you've had enough then hand your notice in and put every effort into searching for a new role.

Good luck and know that it's not you, it happens to people all the time. When people are in the clique they don't realise how lonely being on the outside is.

I think you should look for a new job. They don’t sound very welcoming.

I remember being 19 and working in offices and my closest allies being ladies who were a lot older than me. One lady in particular being in her late 60s and we used to be besties at work. We had our own special tea bags we used to hide from the others (not in a sly way, just more of a jokey way).
She’s passed away now but I’ll never forget her.

Similarly had work colleagues in their 50s and we all used to really get on. You’ll have enough money to tide you over whilst you find something else.

I feel for you, this time last year I was in a similar situation. I was almost 60 at the time, working as a GP receptionist/ administrator.
Three quarters of the team were very early twenties some teens, very cliquey one minute, crying and bitchy the next , then they all love each other so much! I was rarely on a shift with the two or three that were nearer me in age.
I hated every minute, felt so lonely, my previous job was mixed ages and all this was alien to me.
I was still on probation, I left on the Friday afternoon and never returned.
Got another job after a couple of months of chilling and enjoying the outdoors and the sunshine!
Good luck, you will be fine.

Hi OP. My mum is the same age as you, and has just started a new job in Accounts - she has proven to be completely indispensable and the rest of the team respect her. The team is much younger than her, but she couldn’t give a fig. They all know she’s highly competent, super-professional, and they all respect her for her intelligence and for age. She is VERY professionals and straight laced. She’s not one to try and join in with banter etc.

She is treated almost as if she’s the boss - they watch their step around her and would never have the cheek to make fun of her - they are reassured by having an older, experienced, ally in their ranks - she isn’t the boss, but she’s definitely their first port of call, and there is nothing she can’t solve. She has been there and seen it all before. She keeps them in line, and they absolutely love her for it.

As you can tell, I’m very proud of her and she is an inspiration to me every day - although we are very different people, she is so focused and competent at work, her age is part of her and thus, part of what is brilliant about her.

If you are in Warwickshire I'm looking for a PA....

I would accept an 8 week notice period for the right candidate. There is a job out there somewhere for you

@DogsAndGin

If I worked with your mum I would respect her (I respect all my colleagues) but I’m not really sure what you mean by tow the line?

It sounds like people have to walk on eggshells around her because she’s older?

To be honest I have known that dynamic too.

I’ve worked with brilliant older ladies (who had dead pan humour and was defo still up for a laugh)

I kind of get how you feel.
I’m 50 and work with quite a young team of staff on a small school.
There are older staff there, but they are going to retire one by one soon I should imagine.

At the moment, i am am hanging on with my sense of humor and hard work. But often I do feel out of the loop and quite tired ( the job is mentally tiring) compared to my much younger colleagues.

I think you should start looking for a new job, unless you feel that things will improve? It’s not fun spending time in an environment which you are not comfortable in.

Hobbies could help? I have none ( too tired from work, teens and pets ) but would like to take up some new hobbies over the summer.
Plus I’m very menopausal which doesn’t help!

I wish you luck.
I’m sure there is a job out there for you.
Life is too short to be miserable.

🤞😀

I’ve been there OP, I’m similar in age to you and I was working in a very young team early 20s, my boss was late 20s. It was horrible and I left ...I was out of the loop they were cliquey and I was excluded. Glad I left I just said this isn’t for me ...they weren’t welcoming and I felt very much in the side lines ...it was lonely having no one to talk to etc at work it makes a huge difference I think

I'm 61. My team are all in their 20s and 30s. We chat about all sorts. I can relate because my dc are a similar age to some of them. The difference I think is that they are nice people. Those you work with aren't and they are other in you. It is a form of bullying. Move on put, move on up OP. You are better than them.

I was the oldest 48, them in their mid 30s, primary aged kids mine in secondary.
I said to my friend (one of the 30 somethings) after yet another my kid did this at school mundane chat, I feel so old and out of the conversation.. he said.. don’t worry, I’d rather be talking to you than listening to their shit….
Its all about who you are with, he’s super sweet.