Raise it or suck it up.

[singlepringlenotbychoice]

"D"H and I work for the same organisation, in different roles however there is a crossover and contact on occasion and this can be prolonged.

DH left me 3 weeks ago and we haven't spoken since. Work are aware, my area of business is more flexible than his and I can be moved to areas where I will have less contact with him. Since raising this and asking to be covering different areas I have specifically been covering the places I'm most likely to have contact with him (with staff that usually cover his areas moved to work elsewhere that would suit my circumstances better.)

Today is the first crossover of shifts and while we can remain professional it is extremely awkward and other people can notice that there is clearly an issue (only management know if the separation)

Should I raise it again or just suck it up that it's part of my job and get on with it?

Hopeful bump. The only reason I'd raise it as today has filled came with anxiety anytime I've had to speak with him or seen him in my area.
It would only be a temporary request until we have worked out how we are progressing or separation not a permanent request although other staff have their preferred area to cover and refuse to work elsewhere

I don’t really understand. Have they changed your work so you see him more or just carried on with your current role? Very confusing post.

Sorry to hear that your 'D'H has left you OP. I think you should raise it again especially as your role is flexible and others refuse to work in certain areas. Might be worth mentioning that the cross over is making you feel anxious in the hope that your employer considers the impact on your mental health.

Without being too specific; My job covers a huge area that's split into 21 smaller areas. He also covers the same huge area, in a different role. He mainly covers 5 areas when on shift but can be sent to them all but this extremely rare.

While I can and do work covering all 21 areas I rarely used to cover his main ones however since telling work about my situation I've been moved to cover his main areas of business on every shift I'm working.

I think that you should raise it again. It sounds like something they should be able to accommodate, at least for a short while, while it's all still raw.

It's definitely something they can do, colleagues cover the same area every single shift and will go off sick if they have to move. I cover all 21 areas without any complaints normally.

I told them my new situation the day after he left and the very next day I was moved to cover his main area of business. I've only worked a different area 4 times since our split.

I feel ridiculous asking again, there was lots of tears when I had to ask the first time and I don't want that again, especially when it's already been ignored.

Did they misunderstand you? I would ask again if they can not send you to these 5 areas unless there is no one else. Ideally put it in writing.

I'm also wondering if there's some kind of of misunderstanding o r mistake? As it seems strange to have increased your contact rather than reduce or stay the same?

Are either of you subordinate to the other or same level?

If you are subordinate to him in any way I would ask again, as I would find that uncomfortable. If not I would maybe just see how it goes.

But I very much sympathise with your situation and if it's making you uncomfortable, raise it again, as they have done completely the opposite of what you asked.

I feel ridiculous asking again, there was lots of tears when I had to ask the first time and I don't want that again, especially when it's already been ignored.

This is really unfair. I would be annoyed. I would ask why they've done the opposite.

Raise it again. You're not being ridiculous. They're being insensitive.

I think your being cheeky asking for this in the first place.

Your private life is just that. You shouldn’t bring it into the workplace.

Raise it again. I am a manager and would try to accommodate you as much as possible because I have some basic bloody empathy. We are people not robots and some people, even after the pandemic, seem to have missed the memo.

@WTF475878237NC

Raise it again. I am a manager and would try to accommodate you as much as possible because I have some basic bloody empathy. We are people not robots and some people, even after the pandemic, seem to have missed the memo.

This! Well said @WTF475878237NC

There's definitely no misunderstanding, they know "D"H and his role/areas he mainly covers.

Putting it in writing is a good point, there was an initial email after the meeting I'll send that again today. I'm now thinking it's a face doesn't fit thing rather than a misunderstanding. I'm usually pretty easy going and just get on with the job at hand without causing any issues cover any area even the really tricky ones and just do the job.

@drpet49 I fully aware that my personal life shouldn't be taken into work and it never has before however I think asking for a reasonable adjustment that has been granted for other colleagues who just don't want to cover some areas.

Without being too specific I'm responsible for his and other colleagues safety while at work. There can be prolonged contact and periods of back and forth conversation and other times periods of no contact all in the same shift just depends on the jobs we are dealing with.

We absolutely can be professional and I will always keep my colleagues safe to the best of my ability but it's bloody hard when I've not spoke to him or seen him for 3 weeks and leaves me a bit anxious.

@drpet49

Your private life is just that. You shouldn’t bring it into the workplace.

The 1950s called - you need to fuck off back there. Of course your home life impacts on your work life, you'd have to be a robot for it not to. I really hope you're not in any sort of management position, as you'd be an absolute nightmare