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Bullying in the workplace

15 replies

madmumofteens · 24/02/2022 13:59

Any advice and experience regarding workplace bullying. I'm currently in the civil service my doctor signed me off with work related stress. I've reported the bullying and asked to see Occ Health. Feel sick tbh I could just walk away as near retirement.

OP posts:
Helocariad · 24/02/2022 14:13

Hi, I feel for you, OP!
It sounds like you've taken all the right steps for now.

This link might be helpful:
www.familylives.org.uk/advice/bullying/bullying-at-work

RatherBeRiding · 24/02/2022 14:17

It depends on how clear cut the bullying is, who is doing the bullying (e.g. if it's your immediate line manager you will have a fight on your hands because HR ALWAYS takes the side of the manager), how robust your workplace anti-bullying policy is, how much evidence of the bullying you can produce, and how useful or useless your HR department is.

Are you in a union?

madmumofteens · 24/02/2022 14:21

Thank you Helocariad that's really helpful ticked all the boxes for signs of bullying 🥺

OP posts:
madmumofteens · 24/02/2022 14:24

No thankfully not manager colleague same grade I realise I am going into battle and it will be uphill all the way no witnesses so she said I said scenario sadly

OP posts:
RatherBeRiding · 24/02/2022 15:49

If you have no witnesses then you need to start keeping a very careful and detailed log and if you can start communicating with your colleague via email so you have a paper trail. Even if it's only along the lines of "Sharon, can I just clarify following our conversation earlier.......".

Evidence will be key to your employer taking you seriously

TrashyPanda · 25/02/2022 12:16

I had similar in CS.
My doctor said she would not let me go back to work until I was moved.
I spoke to Welfare Officer, who arranged everything for me.

I’ve been left with serious MH issues - this was over 15 years ago.

madmumofteens · 25/02/2022 13:18

Oh TrashyPanda I'm so sorry to hear your experience, it is so subtle to start with isn't it and before you know it you are reduced to a shadow of yourself and full of self doubt 🥺 sending you strength I hope you feel better soon just know it could be worse you could be be them 😝

OP posts:
TrashyPanda · 25/02/2022 13:21

Thank you sooo much

MulticatHouse · 27/02/2022 05:54

I also had similar in CS from a colleague who was up the arse if the manager.
I was made redundant thank god.
No advice, in my experience, bullies in CS get away with it and are even promoted.

daisychain01 · 27/02/2022 11:14

Bullying tends to be insidious, difficult to detect or prove and is very much about how the person makes you feel.

The Civil Service has a strong ethic about bully both at policy level in the Govt department where you are and also in the Civil Service Code of Conduct.

I agree with previous posters who say to keep detailed notes and escalate it to your line manager as a formal complaint, via the internal grievance process.

I've experienced bullying in the past with a colleague at the same grade as me, and the only way I resolved it was to push towards a transfer to a different assignment. The CS does not want to lose people over bullying but they do require adherence to process, because they have to be seen to be fair and equitable to both sides. I created a 2 page summary of everything the person subjected me to with timelines and how it made me feel (a very important part of the process is spelling out the negative impact on you), and it didn't even need to go to HR, it was handled 'locally', by a very senior manager who took me seriously.

I have no way of knowing if the bully is still behaving in the way they did to me, the only thing I cared about was moving away from their influence, and their ability to harm me and damage my mental health. I'm almost certain they had the riot act read to them and hopefully will realise their behaviour was completely unacceptable.

I would not resign, why should you lose your livelihood over someone who decides they can get away with being an AH. Stand your ground and think of you, don't feel bad about dissing them, they deserve it!

daisychain01 · 27/02/2022 11:22

@MulticatHouse

I also had similar in CS from a colleague who was up the arse if the manager. I was made redundant thank god. No advice, in my experience, bullies in CS get away with it and are even promoted.
The Civil Service is x-government and employs nearly half a million people across the UK. I don't agree that bullies "get away with it" as a generalised statement.

It entirely depends on many circumstances, such as whether the person being bullied decides to resign rather than confront the bully (which is understandable) so the matter doesn't get addressed, or if they haven't done as suggested on here, and document times dates circumstances to enable a fair and equitable process to be undertaken. Or sometimes the person is so ground down that they think it's their own fault and don't realise what their rights are and that they can take action against their bully. Without the facts it's extremely difficult for either line management or HR to take action.

That isn't the same as bullies getting away with it. There will always be cases across 470,000 people that some might, but it is incorrect and misleading to say universally that they get away with it.

HundredMilesAnHour · 27/02/2022 11:55

I was in the private sector and I was bullied horribly / sexually discriminated against by a peer. I fought back for a while but when I found out the bully was giving my team (incorrect) instructions behind my back (and they were following them so it was going to negatively impact my performance too), it became too much. I raised it to my manager several times but he did nothing / "couldn't see it". Other woman in the wider dept could see it (and were appalled). I was the only female manager in a team of 10 and none of the men noticed / cared what was happening to me. I was top rated out of the entire (wider) dept the previous year so it was nothing related to my performance. Maybe that was the issue. I was a threat to him. Eventually I cracked and my GP signed me off with stress. It was only when talking to HR that I opened up to tell them about this man's behaviour and the lack of support from my manager and team. HR said nothing but when I eventually returned to work, the bully / sexist was no longer an employee of the company. My boss never spoke to or acknowledged me again. Only 1 of the team of 10 ever acknowledged me. Seems I had ruined their boys' club and was being punished. But we were all made redundant shortly after that so they got it away with it.

So the positive takeaway from my own experience is that HR did step in and act on it. However, there were consequences for me still. 20 years later my former boss has still never acknowledged me (despite us moving in related cycles). We used to be very close but he dropped me like a stone. I'm over it now but it hurt for a long time especially that someone I thought was a good person was willing to stand by and let blatant bullying and sexism go on within his team and do nothing. My only regret is that I didn't speak up sooner. I think I was too shocked that it was actually happening. I'm no shrinking violet and very capable of standing up for myself in a male world and I just couldn't believe it was happening to me and no-one was listening. These days I don't tolerate even a sniff of bullying to me or anyone I have contact with. I'm a lot more senior now and I would never want anyone to be in the unsupported position I was in. It took me years to get my confidence back and even longer to stop questioning what I did wrong.

Wishing you luck OP. Stay strong. You're doing the right thing. OH will support you. And the value of being able to look at yourself in the mirror and know you're doing the right thing is more important than you know.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 27/02/2022 12:17

I am still hugely bitter about how my bullying and harassment was treated.

Despite providing so much evidence, of everything he did, nothing was done. My bully made all sorts of allegations (which escalated over the years) and he was believed. No proof. (Because none of it actually happened)

I trusted them to deal with it. They let it drift as we were short staffed. I got told to grow a thicker skin. To be kind because ‘he clearly wasn’t well’.

No police involvement despite criminal allegations - how I wish I’d ignored their word that they’d be informed and contacted them myself.

Because it was dealt with so badly, the managers and HR and the union circled their wagons and protected themselves. lied their arses off

My reputation and any chance of promotion are gone. Those who work alongside me knew it was all rubbish but kept their mouths shut as they didn’t want it happening to them.

I understand. But I don’t hold them in high regard. All bar two kept their heads down. I previously loved my job and my colleagues.

I go there to work now. I don’t love it any more. I trust two people. That’s it.

And I pay no heed to their policies re bullying. They can make all the chirpy positive noises they like. Bullying is rife across the board from what I hear.

And they do nothing.

I’m counting the days til retirement. I need this job.

He left with a golden handshake.

madmumofteens · 27/02/2022 13:30

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences I really appreciate it. I have written everything down including dates and included how it has affected me and got a valued friend to check it over as need validation. My doctor has asked for a copy of anything I give to OH and is very supportive and told me I have to follow through so with this and support given here I feel a bit braver thank you 💐

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BBOA · 27/02/2022 13:44

Key is to follow the exact company procedure and write a formal complaint giving every example. Great that you have kept a record.
If you got a long list of examples it will be hard for them to ignore and they will have to follow the grievance procedure including an investigation.
If they don’t do anything, get in touch with an employment law solicitor and say you are being pushed to resign/ constructive dismissal. They often have a free initial consultation and will sometimes write a letter for you to get thing’s started/taken seriously. Some will do a no win no fee thing too.
Start with the formal complaint/ grievance and see how they deal with it.
I would just say be clear with what outcome you want too. Hopeful they will investigate and go down the disciplinary route for the bully. If your company is big enough, you could ask to move teams/ location/ shift.
Stick with it but if they don’t do anything go down the solicitor route.

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