I'm a middle aged woman working in a sector where certainly at a more senior level we're heavily outnumbered by men. I work in a department where I am the only woman.
For context, I know I can be quite sensitive about fairness at work because I experienced a lot of unequal treatment in my childhood. I do try to get over myself about it, but I have strong feelings about everyone being treated properly at work.
But there's a situation at work and I'm really struggling to know what to do. There's no question I'm being treated differently. I'm pretty certain it's because I'm a woman but I can't really prove that. So how do I handle things?
My manager can be quite critical of me in front of other people. Occasionally in private he will praise me. Often the criticism he raises in front of people isn't even valid. For instance, he'll give a example of a project where something has gone wrong. He'll almost always talk about one of my projects that didn't actually fail but he's suggesting it did. He'll use this false example rather than an example of a genuine failure by a male colleague. He talks about their failure to me in private, but it's almost like he wants to keep the men matey with him so he doesn't like to be upfront with them about their failings. He's unwilling to talk to me about my role/development/pay, even at the relevant points of the year when these conversations are happening for everyone. My male colleagues have had pay and roles reviewed.
I feel like a complete mug. I'm a confident woman but every time I try to have discussions with him he makes me feel like I'm doing a bad job. I'm someone who has been very successful in my career. It isn't the case I've had this kind of feedback from other managers or colleagues. I know I'm doing a good job, or at least I was until I became so down and demotivated.
I can't afford to just leave. Roles for middle aged women in my sector are hard to come by, as I said above. If he was a better boss I would actually enjoy this work.
Please help me handle this.
We don't have anyone looking after HR apart from my manager, who is the MD, so no one to escalate to either.