Special dispensation to wfh because of poor sleep?

[RosieLee2019]

Hi, I went back to work in Jan after a year of mat leave. It’s an office job so until recently we were wfh due to covid guidance, but now they are saying we have to work from the office 2 days a week.

Trouble is, my DS is a bad sleeper, still waking multiple times a night, so I’m usually pretty tired. WFH meant I could grab a bit of extra sleep if I needed to before starting work, and didn’t have to rush to be on the train etc. so I was coping pretty well with having that flexibility.

now I’m finding even just 2 days a week in the office a struggle… the longer days with the commute is taking its toll. I can just as easily do my job from home, I’m not really benefiting by being in the office.m; it’s just added stress.

Do you think an employer would be sympathetic if I asked for special dispensation to work from home based on these reasons, or does it sound a bit lame??

It depends on your relationship with your line manager. If you feel confident they are sympathetic, talk to them. If I'm your manager, I will let you WFH for a bit longer. Toddler sleep does get better after they are 18 months or 2 years old.

Worth speaking with your GP, they can give you a fitnote that suggests adjustments to your working conditions - i.e. working from home to save on commute time and allow cat naps. He/she could write it for a few months to begin with and review as time goes on until your little one settles.

The reason for the lack of sleep here isn't really important, rather the consequence: cognitive impairment, lack of focus, even depression or low mood.

Good luck OP

I'd see if you could get a medical letter saying very generally that you have a medical condition that would benefit from WFH for a couple of months and then review.

I like to think I'm an understanding manager but if an employee told me this I might think they were planning to sleep on the job.

Sleep deprivation is a killer and you just feel rubbish, I'm sure it has physical effects. If your GP would be happy to keep it vague, that's probably a better route than explaining you're not coming in because you want more sleep.

Is the baby in nursery? Presumably you're getting up to drop the baby off, then coming home- how will you have time for a meaningful amount of sleep before the workday starts?

I sympathise with you, I only give the above as an honest example of what your management might be thinking

No I wouldn't allow this if I was in charge. It would not be fair on other employees.

Thank you for your replies - food for thought. My manager is pretty sympathetic so I might ask to be able to ease into the office working more gradually. The GP route is something I hadn’t thought about but will now.

@Ivyonafence my baby is in nursery but DH works from home full time so he can do drop-offs and pick-ups. Often I get up early with DS then DH takes over and I can go back to bed between say 7.30-8.30 then log on for work just before 9. If I have to be in the office I have to leave home at 8 so don’t get chance for that extra sleep.

@Viviennemary

No I wouldn't allow this if I was in charge. It would not be fair on other employees.

Why wouldn't it be fair on the other employees? Surely that would only be the case if the OP WFH would cause them significantly more work or they also had sleep problems or health problems that meant WFH would be beneficial but you only allowed the OP to do it and not any other similarly affected employees?

Treating everyone equally does not mean treating them the same. Very lazy management.

Giving certain people priviledges not offered to others who may also have problems in their lives makes for a disgruntled and unhappy workforce. Poor management I'd say.

Honestly, most parents with kids the same ages as yours would be in the same boat.

It depends on your workplace I guess.

Honestly, almost every new parent is short on sleep. A lot of people are short on sleep for various reasons, it's not really a special circumstance. If I was your manager and this came across my desk I'd raise an eyebrow. I'd wonder why the workplace is expected to accommodate this instead of say, your DH doing a wake up or you going to bed earlier.

I think if you ask for a long term WFH dispensation on the basis of sleep it could backfire and make you look bad.

I think you're better off approaching it as a phased return to work from mat leave, or get a medical certificate for a short period of time saying your health will benefit from WFH without going into details.

Giving sleep as the reason makes you look a bit soft and as I said earlier, in the back of my mind id be concerned your intentions were to nap on the clock.

I'd say every parent is in the same boat as you. Maybe word it differently?

How about your DH does the waking up twice a week whilst you have to go into the office.

I don't think my place of work would allow me to stay wfh full time when others had to go in just because I had a lack of sleep. It's two days. Share the load.

Your dh should do the night wakings on the 2 nights before you go to office. Surely you share these anyway? But I'd be a bit worried about underlying issues if you are struggling. You need to get the sleep issues sorted though, why is he waking?

Surely it’s an every other night problem, if you both work then surely you both get up with your child?

@Ivyonafence my baby is in nursery but DH works from home full time so he can do drop-offs and pick-ups. Often I get up early with DS then DH takes over and I can go back to bed between say 7.30-8.30 then log on for work just before 9. If I have to be in the office I have to leave home at 8 so don’t get chance for that extra sleep.

Isn’t part of the solution for your DH to get up early with the baby on your office days so you can sleep until 7.30?

How are the night wakings split?

My DD slept through from quite an early age but I was a zombie until she did - I have no idea how I would have coped if we’d both been back at work before she was sleeping through. As a manger I wouldn’t say ‘all parents are in that boat’ and I’d hope I’d have the compassion to get it. Wfh was a one of the amazing things about lockdown - I would do night shift with DD until about 5 then DH would take over until 8.30. I still remember how those 3 hours would save me!