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Original poster

Why is she being like this?

16 replies

tiktokontheclock · 11/02/2022 10:16

Utterly confused by the behaviour of someone who I thought was a friend. Will admit they're also a colleague, so maybe I've over stepped the mark somewhere.

Since mid Jan she's been very curt and off with me. For example today. We have a document that has a deadline of end of week, but we usually get it done the day before.

New senior person has joined the team and I think friend is trying to impress. Sends me a chaser email copying her. "Who is doing this because I don't have it" I explained that I didn't want to send too late on Thurs and that's ok because Friday is the deadline.

She replies, "we've been sending on Thurs for more than a year. Please kindly share now."

I shared and IM'd her to say, "hey really don't want to start a fire, just that Friday is the deadline". She replies, "don't make this in to an issue TikTok. I asked because I hadn't received."

And yes, it shouldn't be an issue and is a storm in a teacup, but;

  • she never talks to anyone else in the team like this, only me
  • generally if she's nice to you you are doing well at work
  • I don't understand why so curt, I definitely realise I could have handled better but I'm genuinely quite scared of her right now!

Then I realised a week ago a senior leader had sent me an email asking to see something before it was sent on to be final. She had IMd me within four minutes of getting the email - "did you see that? When can we expect to see that please?"

I said in ten minutes. But also wondered why I had to be chased so quickly like someone was beating a stick.

I'm clearly doing something wrong at work?

OP posts:
SilverHairedCat · 11/02/2022 10:17

You need to ask her what her problem is.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 11/02/2022 10:21

Gosh maybe it's just me, I don't see the problem? You usually send something on a Thursday and didn't, then got funny with her because she chased it?

Original poster
tiktokontheclock · 11/02/2022 10:24

I agree I don't like conflict so I probably am
blowing this up.

But we are a "nice" workplace, so her emails and general comms are off.

OP posts:
SilverHairedCat · 11/02/2022 10:35

Her tone in any workplace would be considered brusque at best and rude at worst.

If her tone to you has changed, something else has changed. It could be she's not well, unhappy in her job etc or she could be under pressure from the new manager.

It doesn't matter what it is, she's being unnecessarily rude to you.

ThePurpleOctopus · 11/02/2022 10:35

I think her emails/IMs are really rude. Why would you talk to someone like that???

If she's technically in the right though, maybe suck it up for now. Draw back from the friendliness, be super formal and professional, and get everything in on time.

AuntieJoyce · 11/02/2022 10:54

I hope she doesn’t rely on you for any favours as she’s throwing you under the bus there. It’s the last time I’d go out of my way for her

Just watch deadlines in future so she can’t draw attention to you again

On the second example I’d have ignored her and responded to the senior leader as planned

Original poster
tiktokontheclock · 11/02/2022 11:47

Yes - I didn't understand why she had to copy the new boss in. She could have IM'd me and said - hey I haven't got that, who is doing it and can I have it? It felt like a performance email. it's made me realise she is not a friend.

She is not technically in the right at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
tiktokontheclock · 11/02/2022 11:54

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat

Gosh maybe it's just me, I don't see the problem? You usually send something on a Thursday and didn't, then got funny with her because she chased it?
She wasn't meant to chase it. She chased it because she wanted to look on it and as PP have said, throw me under the bus.
OP posts:
WorriedGiraffe · 11/02/2022 11:58

She’s obviously just trying to get ahead and using you to do it, so don’t let her, even do it back if you get the chance. She sounds like a nightmare.

Generally give yourself a talking to about it too, you are a grown adult dealing with a woman who’s being a bit of a cow, don’t be ‘scared’!

MrsGarethSouthgate · 11/02/2022 12:02

Assuming you don’t report to her for anything, just ignore her emails and respond only to the ones from your managers.

Original poster
tiktokontheclock · 11/02/2022 12:03

Thing is she's so nice to everyone else. It's just me who seems to be the punching bag. I'm not a pushover. I have to stand up in meeting rooms with senior leaders from large companies.

I can't help but think she's probably got something else on too, but it's no excuse really. We don't operate in a workplace where people can complain to HR, so I think I'm probably just stuck with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
tiktokontheclock · 11/02/2022 12:10

Should say *do complain, not can.

OP posts:
DropYourSword · 11/02/2022 12:21

She chased it because she wanted to look on it and as PP have said, throw me under the bus.

That's not necessarily true though. It's only your interpretation.
I'm sure her perspective on the incident will be different to yours.

Theunamedcat · 11/02/2022 12:26

In the first example I would have said you will get it today as usual

Second example I'm dealing with it now

Original poster
tiktokontheclock · 11/02/2022 12:31

@DropYourSword

She chased it because she wanted to look on it and as PP have said, throw me under the bus.

That's not necessarily true though. It's only your interpretation.
I'm sure her perspective on the incident will be different to yours.

Well isn't that true of most workplace issues?
OP posts:
BashfulClam · 11/02/2022 20:44

I bc wouldn’t have answered it , she’s not your superior or I would say ‘thanks for your enquiry, the report will be sent by the agreed deadline.’

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