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Original poster

Time off work for emergencies and child hospital apps

27 replies

Jennyba · 04/02/2022 22:50

Hello, wondering if I could get some advice please, I work in a school part time and the last 12 months have my family has had such a run of bad luck, I've had 3 asthma related illness resulted in time off from work, partner has broken his leg, within the same month my eldest son broken his arm and just as he is healing my youngest son has now broken his arm at school today. I've had 2 special leave days already within 12 months, 1 when my car broke down and I had to wait for rac (took 5 hours to get to me and I only work 4 hours a day), then when I was offered a procedure the NHS refused to do and got it done free privately but classed as cosmetic. The last one I asked my boss for unpaid leave and she said she would give it me as a special day. So had an hour off work for my 1st sons fracture clinic app and used toil last month. Next week I have an emergency dentist app and she have I had to make the time up, which I reluctantly agreed. Now with my youngest breaking his arm that will be more appointments. I could truly cry with all the stress I'm under. I'm currently having to help my partner wash and dress daily, plus all the housework, looking after pets, school run, now helping my youngest too. I'm so exhausted and dreading asking my boss for more time off for a hospital app. I physically cannot do anymore overtime. My current stress level is making me ill as it is. Can I ask for unpaid leave? Can she refuse? I would like to add I usually do some work at home during holidays to help out and have worked over when colleagues have been off sick so I am hard working.

OP posts:

languagelover96 · 05/02/2022 10:29

You are in my prayers.

OCM19 · 05/02/2022 10:37

You have the right to time off for dependants leave (which is unpaid) if the appointments are unforeseen (such as a broken arm). How long have you been employed OP?

OCM19 · 05/02/2022 10:37

Ps, I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time

MNHQ

DawnMumsnet · 05/02/2022 10:43

Hi @Jennyba, we're moving your thread over to our Employment Issues topic and giving it a bump to get it back into Active Conversations.

We're sorry your family's going through such a tough time.

Imsittinginthekitchensink · 05/02/2022 10:50

Obviously most of your time off has been unavoidable, but you really should have arranged a private procedure for the holidays if at all possible. In a school, it is often helpful if people take unpaid leave as cover can be organised more easily when it is planned rather than ad hoc. Have a chat with the head.

SophieAnn35 · 05/02/2022 14:37

I would of taken the time off the the private treatment during term time if I could but was offered the treatment for free if they could film the procedure, so a date at their convenience, i asked my boss who said yes and said i could have it as special leave. If she said no I would of accepted I would of not been able to have the procedure.

I have been there 3 years and 2 years at a previous school so have 5 years service. My son is 12, just realised too my partner is away for 2 days due to his job on the 14th and 15th feb (he usually works from home), so I cant leave my 12 year old at home for 5 hours, so I'm going to have to ask for parental leave, dreading having that conversation. I think I might put it all in an email 🙈

SophieAnn35 · 05/02/2022 14:38

Changed my name incase anyone from work is here and realised it's not changed original comment name

Viviennemary · 05/02/2022 14:42

It does seem as if you have had a lot of time off for different reasons. A school makes it more difficult. I cant blame your boss fof bding reluctant to allow yet more time off. Maybe you need to look for more flexible employment.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/02/2022 14:44

"I physically cannot do anymore overtime. My current stress level is making me ill as it is."

If this is making you ill, should you maybe be looking into being signed off medically with stress?

Fallagain · 05/02/2022 14:48

Wouldn’t your son be back at school by the 14th? If your partner is well enough by the 14th to go away then he will be well enough to do half your son’s medical appointments.

Midgetwithaplan · 05/02/2022 14:49

Can your OH not take some time off to do the appointments and cancel the time away for his work? Or do you have a friend or relative who can sit with your son for the 2 days? It does seem that this is all falling on you and your employment is taking the brunt of it. I think as your boss, although they all seem reasonable, I'd probably be getting to the point of wondering if you were going to work a full week any time soon

Akire · 05/02/2022 14:50

How is your health ? Is your partner doing all they can? Surely can’t need more than 5m help with putting on their pants and trousers. Can’t they wash at sink or with a bowl? Are are you trying manage full on bath with one leg hanging out ? You have to make your life as easier as possible. Same with your son can yours husband help them get dressed when he’s sitting down? One less job for you to do. Husband can also take son to hospital appointments in taxi if need be presuming he’s on crutches even if he is at work. You can be only parent take time off. You sound like you really need a holiday

SilenceOfThePrams · 05/02/2022 14:55

If your husband is at home with a broken leg, can’t he take the children to their appointments by taxi?

But with three serious breaks in a month, please get someone to check your calcium and vitamin d levels, unless you already know your family have weaker bones.

Goldenbunny · 05/02/2022 14:57

@Fallagain

Wouldn’t your son be back at school by the 14th? If your partner is well enough by the 14th to go away then he will be well enough to do half your son’s medical appointments.

It will be half term

Iamkmackered1979 · 05/02/2022 15:03

You can change appointments, or phone up and ask for the morning or afternoon you only work 4 hours so I’m sure you could try and be flexible being reluctant to work what you’ve had off isn’t great either if the headteacher is willing to help you then you should try to help her. It’s rubbish you’ve had a bad run, it’s stressful, I get it I’m a single parent, youngest is being assessed for adhd then Asd so that’s 2 days of appointments, he also sees OT, Paeds for asthma & continence clinic so it’s non stop appointments for him, migraine appointments for my 11 year old as well as crohns and orthopaedic apps for me and they have to be on days off. It’s constant juggling. Yours will pass, the bones will heal and things will settle speak again to her and explain ask for a compromise, hope things improve for you

DelphiniumBlue · 05/02/2022 15:09

Poor you, that sounds really full on.
If you work in a school, I'm guessing that work is not as busy during the holidays, so it won't be as inconvenient for you to take the time off then.
However, how can H be going away with work in 10m days time when he can't even wash and dress himself now? If you've had to take time off already, maybe DH can cancel the trip ( how will he manage it anyway?)
If he can manage it, then he can also manage dealing with your son's hospital appointment.
How old are your boys? It sounded like DS12 is the youngest, if that is the case, can't his older brother look after him while you go to work, if DH really can't cancel? If DH booked an away trip while you are working, surely it is up to him sort out child care rather than assuming you'll take more time off? If no siblings or family can help out, can you pay a local teenager to come and sit with him? Maybe he can go round to a friends house and you can return the favour on a day when you are not working?
I do sympathise, being a working parent can be very difficult if you don't have outside emergency support.

MaverickSnoopy · 05/02/2022 15:25

OP I can relate. I have 3 children and between them they're either ill or have a medical appointment each week. Even between DH and I, it was still a huge amount of unplanned time off. We have no support network as all of our friends also work and family are too old to help with most things. If I was ill I just ploughed on and ignored and it was killing me. I've actually stopped working and am now setting up my own business.

I think first and foremost you need to make sure that when he can, DH and you share the load. Secondly, change the times of your appointments where you can. We get so many medical appointments and I almost always reschedule as standard, to both minimise children's time off school and my time off work (when i was working), as well as childcare of my youngest who is now with me in the day. (I have a very important scan booked but I need DH to take time off work so he can look after DD and his work won't give him the time off so i am forced to put my health on hold and reschedule.) Thirdly, speak to your Head. I know from friends who work at our local school that the Head is great if you're upfront and honest. I know all Head's are different but speaking as someone who used to work in HR, the only viable option is to tell them everything that's going on, what you're trying to do about it and how long you expect it to last (where possible). It's far worse if employers think you're taking the p*. Show them that you know its an issue and that you're either going to loose your job or have no choice but to resign.

SophieAnn35 · 05/02/2022 15:28

It's a really bad break and may need an operation. Fracture clinic only do mornings, I asked this question there re: my other sons appointment last month and couldnt change the appointment, Half term isnt until w/c 21st feb where I live. He isnt my husband he is my partner and not my children's dad, he is coming to the end of care he needs for his leg and can get about a bit more, but has had time off from his job and missed alot of meetings and has to attend these 2 days. Head teachers makes me make the time up for appointments which legally you can take off, shes understanding one minute then not the next. Other than those 2 days my partner is looking after my son for me while I am at work but as his parent I have to take him to the hospital appointments, my elderly parents cannot help. The kids dad wont help out at all like that. I do do full weeks at work. I have had 3 absences in 12 months (a few days to 1 week off) due to my own ill heath then 2 special days leave. My colleague was SI during lockdown and I worked extra hours during those 4 months to help plus cover when she is off now and do some work from home during the holidays. I do work hard and help out when I can.

I actually wanted advice if I can take unpaid leave or parental leave because advice online is pretty sketchy. My mental is terrible atm, exhausted and came to this group for those answers, but gosh some of these comments are harsh. I am not reluctant to work. I'm having a run of bad look with mine, my kids and my partners ailments, only this year I have had issues like this, and just want to find a way through this.

parrotonmyshoulder · 05/02/2022 15:32

I would be taking some time off myself for stress under these circumstances. I had two weeks for similar last year (different situation with my DC but needed care, time and an available, unstressed parent). I couldn’t do my job effectively and deal with the situation, so I became so stressed that I needed time off in order to protect my future health. GP was entirely in agreement. First five days were self-cert anyway.

parrotonmyshoulder · 05/02/2022 15:34

I’m also in a school. We would rather know that people were going to be off, if possible. We would also rather people stayed in their job long term than had to leave because of unfortunate circumstances like yours. I hope things improve soon for your family.

Garysmum · 05/02/2022 15:42

@Viviennemary

on the face of it yes OP has had a lot of time off. However, I think the 3 accidents with broken limbs are totally unforeseeable and I'm afraid that is what parental (and dependants) leave is for. In this type of situation as senior management, I would give the employee the benefit of the doubt where they have a good record. Statistically anything like this is highly unlikely to happen again. I should imagine OP would not have had the procedure done if it were offered tomorrow and she hadn't had it already. I also imagine her partner would help with the DC appointments had he not broken a leg. People's cars breakdown, relatives end up in hospital and all sorts of things happen. Where they have a good record generally, the employer should be as flexible as possible - making up hours is a useful tool. There is a point in our lives when our caring responsibilities can overwhelm us - caring for children and elderly parents and this burden seems to predominantly fall on women still. By saying that women need to find more flexible jobs pushes them out of many roles which they are already over qualified and under paid to do so, simply contributing to the ongoing subconscious misogynistic bias held by many, sadly including other women.

Daisy95 · 05/02/2022 16:12

Maybe worth contacting Acas? the government website states that's time off for family emergencies you're allowed a 'reasonable amount' however they do not have to pay you and it does actually state prearranged appointments do not count as emergencies. So I would contact Acas to double check what you're fully entitled too. Also if you're struggling with stress would it be better you going off sick until you're feeling better too?

DeckTheHallsWithGin · 05/02/2022 16:19

Why can’t a 12 yr old be alone for 5 hours? That’s usual in the holidays for secondary age kids and longer!

SophieAnn35 · 05/02/2022 16:58

No way I'd leave my 12 year old at home on his own for that long, at the minute I've only done so if popping to corner shop etc, plus the fact he is injured, the bone snapped in half and he has a huge v shaped cast on.

SophieAnn35 · 05/02/2022 17:04

I am extremely stressed out and emotional, family pet passed away today too, never know a time in my life like this tbh. I think I'm going to email my boss tomorrow so she has the info first thing monday explaining we are expecting a call from consultant next few days whether he needs an operation or not or just a follow up appointment. Explain that I have no childcare for the 14th and 15th and will ask for parental leave. Then go into work monday, honestly if I get a bad reaction I may end up having some sick leave due to stress or hopefully she will understand and we could come to some arrangement. Maybe making the time up at a later date when the pressure has eased up. Just hope it goes well. I have heard her yelling at other members of staff before and really couldnt cope with that atm. Thanks to those that offered advice, fingers crossed.

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