What Would You Do?

[IWantItThatWay002]

I was employed for a long time at ex employer in city centre offices. I left a few years ago for pastures new (was a mistake), & then I had DS so didn't work for a while. Finally started a new FT job in summer last year which allows for flexible working.

This FT job has a lower salary then my old FT job & is much slower paced. Some days I am a bit bored. Company is very very small. Less than 10 employees so I'm relied on a lot & would feel bad to leave so soon after starting.

Ex company want me back. They've had changes since I moved on & would be looking to pay me pretty much double what I'm earning now. Its going to be more stressful, more responsibility & office based 100% of the time so I'd have to travel into the city again each day.

I'm flattered to be thought of & could do with the extra money I'll just feel bad for current employer who has been very flexible the last few months, especially with DS & would have to go through the hiring process again.

I feel torn. Thoughts?

Could you negotiate for one or two days working from home in the other job?

If you're bored in your current job it's only a matter of time until you move anyway, surely?

Your current employer's issues with staffing are not your problem or responsibility. If you want to go back to your former job, do it. You have every right to change employment whenever you wish. Congratulations on the amazing offer. They must really think you're fabulous!

Which do you value more, the flexibility afforded by your current job or the additional money from the prospective one?

How far is your DS from school age?

The reason I ask is because that changed things for me. I really appreciated the flexibility of my current role while I had children in nursery, but them going to school has changed things. I’d like a new role with more responsibility and more money, flexibility is less important to me than it was before.

Ultimately you’ve got to do what’s best for you and your family. Try not to worry about the potential impact on your current employer, respectfully, none of us are indispensable:

You have to do what's right for you, I understand you feel bad but if the new opportunity is better for you and your family then take it.
Weigh up all the pros and cons and make a decision based on that.
The offer from your old company is clearly more responsibility and better pay but sounds like it might be less flexible too so need to dicuss with OH how to share childcare and home responsibilities so you dont end up doing everything at home too ( particularly if they are used to you being around and doing everything).
Definitely don't stay in current job out of guilt, there will be a short period of discomfort but will soon be over.
Good luck

Thanks everyone. DS is still young but in nursery FT anyway so that wouldn't change. I do think we can't afford/would be stupid to say no to the extra money.

If anything, it means we can afford to treat DS more when we're off work.

I would go back to old employer in your situation!

Also, getting a bit of cabin fever being home so much. Means I end up doing all the housework & I'd like to use someone else's heating & electric!

Just worrying about approaching current employer. These things are always stress inducing.

Just worrying about approaching current employer. These things are always stress inducing.

I appreciate you might be anxious about telling them, but honestly, this will be just a small blip on the radar of your life and your current employer's. I owned a business for nearly 15 years before I sold it, and employees leaving is just part of the deal. It's not even something you really worry about an an employer because you know it's going to happen, for a wide variety of reasons. As a pp said, no one is indispensable. Just tell them and you'll soon be moving on.

Would a man be having this dilemma?
NO

Would your current employer hesitate to make you redundant if they needed to?
No

Take the job

Would your current employer hesitate to make you redundant if they needed to?
No

Precisely. Hate to break it to you, op, but your current employer would get rid of you in a New York minute if they had to.

So I decided to take the offer & resigned from current job. Boss took it very badly & made a dig at how flexible they'd been whilst my DS was unwell etc.

Currently working notice & being ignored by current boss. I have a start date with previous employer but as the structure has changed since I worked there, they want 2 references. A character reference & employer reference. I do not want to give them the details of current employer as I don't trust what reference they're going to get (& I'm worried in conversation before I may have spoke about good & possibly bad things about the ex company, I can't remember), & I'm just worried about what my current employer will put. Especially as I said, they're totally ignoring I exist now after initially being very angry & rather mean when I handed in my notice.

Do you think it's OK to put a reference down for the job I did before this one? So the one I left this ex & soon to be new employee for?

The whole situation is causing me so much stress. I just want to start there already but I have weeks yet.

I had a really really similar situation and explained that things had broken down since resigning so gave another contact too. I'm not sure if they ever even asked. If they did the reference would have been terrible (a new employer of my old colleague showed her what they wrote and it was so awful the new employer realised how unprofessional they were and laughed and ignored it!). It has never affected my job but caused me a lot of stress at the time. It's a compleyly ridiculous process to me, it's not like we ask for a reference from the person who is leaving the role!