Are all senior roles about being pushed/pulled about?

[Lightning11]

Director level role, reporting into the Board.

I feel like a puppet. I am not valued for my skills or experience or expertise, I'm just being told what to do. I had waaaay less of this in junior roles. But I'm wondering if my workplace is particularly toxic at the moment? Or maybe I'm just not cut out for this level?

I've been given a huge transformation project, which is a bit of a poison chalice to be honest. Lack of stakeholder buy-in and a very change-resistant environment. Everyone works in siloes protecting their own interests, passive aggressive with an underlying blame culture.

I've been promoted over the last 5 years and so was probably somewhat "sheltered" from some of the politics/BS that goes on at these levels, but in the last 2 years in this role, I'm feeling more despondent and disheartened than ever. I covered two roles last year and have been not been formally recognised or acknowledged for it and worked to the point where a lot of my personal life, and health, suffered for it. And now I'm really thinking wtf is the point?

Are all senior roles like this? Are you paid more just to tolerate more bullshit from rude arseholes? Or are there genuine roles where you can utilise your experience and are respected for it?

Other opportunities are few and far between in my location/field, so I don't have many options, so currently feeling a bit trapped. That being said, my CV is prepped and I have a call with a head hunter (who contacted me via LinkedIn) next week... But will I be jumping from the fire to the frying pan if I were to look at other roles? Better the devil you know and all that? Or would the grass really be greener?

Sorry as this may not be what you want to hear, but the need for a robust personality and internal politics are what have kept me away from moving to the next director level.

Unfortunately along with the increased pay package at our organisation it seems like there is more jostling for position and less collaborative working. I've also noticed that whilst my line managers at Director level are generally ok, the level above that seems mostly overly demanding and not interested in peoples well beingunless there's a well being survey that they're getting measured on.

However it does depend on company culture so I'm sure some will be better than others. The thing is you're obviously performing well at that level even if you don't enjoy it, they possibly expect you to be asking for the extra money and job title recognition .

No harm in pulling your CV together though, if nothing else you're likely to get a pay bump for the same job if you move company.

I got a raise last year when I pointed out that my (male) predecessor from my main role and female predecessor from the project role were both paid 20% more than me. My raise was 10%.

My performance rating for last year was “mediocre” and I’ve responded that I don’t think it’s a fair representation of the effort, commitment or results. I got a waffled meaningless reply when I asked what more I could’ve done. All past ratings have been “excellent” so the message is that last year was not as good as previous years, when it was the toughest year ever.

It feels like a glass cliff. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I stepped in to this mess of a project when no other fucker would. And now I feel penalized for someone else’s disaster. And totally regret being so invested last year and ready to perform at “mediocre” level if that’s what they think of me. Which goes against my vegetal approach where I put a lot in.

Vegetal?

Should say usual!

I think the question you need to ask yourself strategicaly instead of focussing on micro detail/ politics is - What problem am I trying to solve?

Frutration with your team?
Dealing with not being recognised?
Long term career doubts?
Resolving your performance rating?
Other?

Years ago I work in this sort of world and I was NOT cut out for it - for a start I was not a team player so I quickly tired of this stuff. I would say for you to succeed you need to be super organised and plough through the awful projects - usually to do this you need to throw people overboard/ run over people etc etc. Awful. If you can do that and get results then you get promoted, sometimes grudgingly. As a female you will be required to do much much more than a male to achieve the same reward and if your performance is seen to be decisive you will be seen as a ball breaker.... I'd be worried that your performance review will stand out as a block to progress. So, big questions - Whats next?!
I jumped ship and LOVE my life for the most part now.
Life is wayyyyyy too short unless you want to push to the top, leave or get used to being unhappy.

I'm frustrated at being the "fall guy" for this mess of a project with no acknowledgement for what I have done.

I'm frustrated that my expertise and experience counts for nothing, that my efforts have gone unnoticed, that my recommendations fall on deaf ears. Would this be different in another company?

Agree that being a woman doesn't help. I've been soooo blocked by male dick/egos in the last year and am pretty sure that if I was a man I would've been listened to.

I used to genuinely love what I do, and love this company. But now I feel lost, like it's a complete mystery as to what they want from me. I have never felt so unsure of everything I do in my whole career. Will the next email I send cause a political storm? Will not sending it be just as bad? Where is the fricking rule book?

Problem is I'm the breadwinner, and with a nice salary, which we have built a life around. Currently fantasizing about being signed off with stress/resigning/lottery wins.

Is the project a cock up because the board don't follow your suggestions ? Are you forceful enough? I know it's a tricky one, I can be a bit, " I guess we should." when what I should be saying is "We have to do this" but I'm an external consultant and it's a fine line as I don't always know the whole situation.

I do feel that as a women you are seen as a bit crazy when you are determined. It's a hard balance to use your actual skills rather than "manning up"

I believe you don't get as much external validation once you're at a certain level.
It also seems fair to me that it should be harder to get an exceptional rating at a more senior grade - conversely at our place before they got rid of visible ratings, 70% of senior managers were Very Good or above but proportionately much less at the lower grade.

I hear you.

I would formally straight up ask all decision makers at the same time (face to face if possible) "Do we really want to do this?'

What strategic objectives is this poisoned chalice project going to deliver? What is the probability that those objectives will be delivered?

If at the end of a frank discussion, it is deemed that yes the project will go ahead, you need the stakeholders full buy in. Roles and responsibilities and a 'sign off' from them that they agree with their part in this project.

You need to have something else up your sleeve to move onto though before you possibly convince everyone that this project is not the right way forward

The project was flailing for 4 years, the project lead (female predecessor) went on burnout, I then stepped in, and was told “don’t question it, just make it happen”.

I raised red flags, and last summer recommended an alternative way forward. Rejected. Told not to just carry on in the original direction. Continued to raise warnings, delivered the only part of the project that will save money. Told not to be a trouble maker. Told not to show you’re working late. Give the stakeholders a positive story.

In the meantime, stakeholders telling me they hope the rest of the project never goes live, don’t think it’s a good idea etc. All privately but not publicly.

Today we had my original recommendation approved. We’ve lost 8 months and millions, and now backing out and changing direction at this stage is, although still the right thing to do, going to be so much more complicated (which I’d warned them about).

I should feel pleased. I just feel deflated. Totally warn down from the battle at every stage. Exhausted for fighting to do the logical thing and being ignored.

I have continued to deliver more as my grade has increased. I delivered FAR less in 2020 and got “excellent” (despite being 20% underpaid).

Same grade as now, no change in seniority. Took on the additional stress of this project and got a shitty rating. Like the state it was in was my fault.

I got the same rating as the previous project lead who (created the mess in the first place) went on burnout for 4 months, then worked part time for another 3 months before being given a cushty alternative job.

Gaaaaaah.

Thanks for allowing me to vent / rant.

I hear you, oh god I hear you. Went through exactly this and mid year last year got an approach and voted with feet. Now new role - but same shit- the difference is, my approach. Yes I have a big role for which I'm handsomely paid but holy cow I'm not giving my life up to deal with the stress day and night like I have before. So take a step back and take a view. They aren't going to change but how you take it can. Have you got a coach? Not for any particular reason other than a friendly virtual slap round the back of the head now and again to keep you on a level!

A coach is a good idea. Deffo need to step back a bit, but not easy to break long-standing habits.

Moreover, I’m not sure I really want to be a part of this project. There’s a lot of shit still to go and I’m still not totally on board with the direction.

I want to work somewhere that I believe in, and that believes in me. Too much to ask? Naive to think that’s possible?

I want to work somewhere that I believe in, and that believes in me. Too much to ask? Naive to think that’s possible?

Yes I think that's too much to ask. I work at a fairly senior level and recognise the politicking, silo working, and general lack of visionary leadership. The loudest voices are the least competent. Lots of backstabbing at senior level. You do get the salary because you put up with this shit. I second, don't take it personally, get a coach for support and a pat on the shoulder, enjoy the salary. Transformation????? It's a tick box exercise. What are you transforming? Work force, a service? IME take the term transformation with a dollop of salt. You have 2 options here, educate yourself about the company and methods for effective 'transformation', get coaching for a few new communication tricks and give it one good shot. You may be fired in the process as my guess is no-one actually wants the transformation. Second option is to tread water, detach from everything, save and enjoy your salary.

Essentially transformation is bullshit.

@Lightning11

A coach is a good idea. Deffo need to step back a bit, but not easy to break long-standing habits.

Moreover, I’m not sure I really want to be a part of this project. There’s a lot of shit still to go and I’m still not totally on board with the direction.

I want to work somewhere that I believe in, and that believes in me. Too much to ask? Naive to think that’s possible?

I think a coach is a good idea. I will say, as a male executive observing very competent female executives in the past that I used to see female colleagues over explaining, minimising and getting stuck generally as you describe. Males have an easier time of it, more allowances made. I have one ex colleague who has risen to the top really quickly to the absolute highest position. She went and immersed herself in strategy through upskilling, she got a senior role by moving in a good area to a good company and now has built quickly. She is firm, fair and does not get dragged into politics, she would be very clear on her deliverables and does those well, all else she does not care about. She is pleasant but will not tolerate, from day one any fucking about.I personally think you should move as that is a dog of a project which has the potential to dirty your CV significantly. Moving with a commitment to better understanding of strategy or sustainability etc might help rather than staying where you are.