Manager doesn’t like me…

[BacksideFirst]

I’ve been in my current role for around 3 years now. During this time I wasn’t spoken to very nicely by my Manager. She’s known to be sharp by others, has a strong opinion and is respected by some for being this way.
What I don’t understand is what I’ve done wrong, if anything to receive this treatment. I’m not one of the trouble makers, and I am quiet. I find she favours the louder ones. It’s bringing me down thinking of her and I am now nervous in meetings when I know she’s there.
Any good advice welcome, please be kind, thanks

No advice, but it can be hard in this situation. Have you a friend to back you up??

Is it just in meetings? Is she "favouring" the ones who contribute more?

I'd suggest asking for feedback as to your current performance. You could also say that sometimes you feel that she's dissatisfied with your work and you want to understand why. You'll either get some useful points to improve or your manager will hopefully think a bit more about what she's doing.

Alternatively, or as well as, just accept that that is the way she is and try not to take it personally.

Firstly, don't waste your time trying to figure out what you've done wrong, or how you contributed to this. In all likelihood, your manager is just unpleasant, or a bully, or enjoys belittling people, or enjoys the power that comes from keeping people on edge. That's not on you.

Secondly, as much as I'd hope you could develop your self-belief and be more assertive, it will be very hard for you to change the patterns of interaction with her after 3 years.

Would you consider changing jobs? Life is too short to put up with unpleasant people in your daily life.

That’s the thing I don’t. I have good friendships with my work colleagues but they know what she’s like and capable of. I don’t think they’d want to get involved. Others there seem to suck up to her from what I’ve seen.

Your manager sounds unprofessional, so I would try hard not to take this on board.

If your manager has a problem with your work, they have a professional responsibility to discuss this with you. If you have worked there for three years with no communication about anything you are doing wrong, you are entitled to assume your work is acceptable.

It may be that your manager has emotional baggage or other issues, if they are foolish enough to 'prefer' loud people that is their problem. A good manager should be able to work with a variety of different types of people and be interested in getting the best from them.

Instead of worrying about this manager, I would seek a new job with a better manager!

@CrinklyCraggy

Is it just in meetings? Is she "favouring" the ones who contribute more?

Possibly yes. I need to be more assertive and talk more I know.

Sounds tough. Maybe have a think about how much you want to stay in your role / at the organisation. If you could take a role elsewhere, you’re in a stronger position to have a frank conversation. Being open and honest in a constructive way.

Appraisals are a great time for this. Questions such as ‘how can I be better at my job’, ‘what do you need from me’, ‘where can I develop’ should give you the feedback you need. Not just for this job but also for a future role.

If she favours others, try and find out why they get better opportunities/ praise. What are they doing that you aren’t.

Is your manager micro managing you? If so, this can be difficult and again, you can say you find it’s affecting your confidence.

If the manager is nasty an unapproachable, document all correspondence with dates, emails etc. take this to HR. though remember that HR will only have the organisations interests, not yours.

It’s work. Don’t take it personally, but also don’t take any rubbish from someone else that could increase stress and make you unhappy.

Hope it all goes well x

@RedskyThisNight

I'd suggest asking for feedback as to your current performance. You could also say that sometimes you feel that she's dissatisfied with your work and you want to understand why. You'll either get some useful points to improve or your manager will hopefully think a bit more about what she's doing.

Alternatively, or as well as, just accept that that is the way she is and try not to take it personally.

I don’t think she finds anything wrong with my work but I don’t get a good vibe from her in meetings at all. She is known to be forthright and I know she can ruffle feathers in other depts but being in this dept is not the right fit for me.

@truthfullylying

Your manager sounds unprofessional, so I would try hard not to take this on board.

If your manager has a problem with your work, they have a professional responsibility to discuss this with you. If you have worked there for three years with no communication about anything you are doing wrong, you are entitled to assume your work is acceptable.

It may be that your manager has emotional baggage or other issues, if they are foolish enough to 'prefer' loud people that is their problem. A good manager should be able to work with a variety of different types of people and be interested in getting the best from them.

Instead of worrying about this manager, I would seek a new job with a better manager!

Absolutely she is so unprofessional. I just wish those higher saw this. I need to toughen up and look for something else for the future.

@Snorkello

Sounds tough. Maybe have a think about how much you want to stay in your role / at the organisation. If you could take a role elsewhere, you’re in a stronger position to have a frank conversation. Being open and honest in a constructive way.

Appraisals are a great time for this. Questions such as ‘how can I be better at my job’, ‘what do you need from me’, ‘where can I develop’ should give you the feedback you need. Not just for this job but also for a future role.

If she favours others, try and find out why they get better opportunities/ praise. What are they doing that you aren’t.

Is your manager micro managing you? If so, this can be difficult and again, you can say you find it’s affecting your confidence.

If the manager is nasty an unapproachable, document all correspondence with dates, emails etc. take this to HR. though remember that HR will only have the organisations interests, not yours.

It’s work. Don’t take it personally, but also don’t take any rubbish from someone else that could increase stress and make you unhappy.

Hope it all goes well x

There’s no micromanaging at all, which I’m grateful for as I have been in that position some years ago. If something does go ‘wrong’ she has an awful way about her. Also we were once given work with no discussion about how we take it forward. She ignored several emails from myself and my team member about how we go about it…no supervision came back from her.

It was almost like she wanted us to fail. We didn’t but had a rush to get everything done as she’d not spoken to us about how to go about picking the extra work up. Totally unprofessional. I wish I’d left ages ago now I’m thinking it through.