How do I work on my confidence?

[Chanandlerbong1]

I really don’t know what’s happened to me over the years. I qualified in my profession 15 years ago. I was always confident in my abilities but the last couple of years at work I’m terrified of making a mistake. Always doubting my decisions or second guessing my decisions which then takes over my headspace and I spend so much time outside of work worrying.
Why can’t I just make a decisions on my own anymore? I ask my colleagues and I’m imagining them laughing at my inabilities.
Has anyone experienced a severe lack of confidence and managed to over come it?!

Has something happened to trigger the change in your confidence levels? Did a decision you made go wrong unexpectedly and now you feel you just can’t trust your own judgment like you used to?

No, that’s why I really can’t understand it. I know after I had my children I suffered badly from baby brain. I used to have a great memory, it’s a lot poorer now and I seem to forget things easily and I am finding it really hard to concentrate at times.
It’s really frustrating as I so badly want to do well at work.
I have started to think I may have ADHD.

@Chanandlerbong1

No, that’s why I really can’t understand it. I know after I had my children I suffered badly from baby brain. I used to have a great memory, it’s a lot poorer now and I seem to forget things easily and I am finding it really hard to concentrate at times. It’s really frustrating as I so badly want to do well at work. I have started to think I may have ADHD.

Sounds like you could do with some support to unpick it.

If you have a mentor at work, you could talk to them. Alternatively coaching can help here - I coach people privately who come to me with confidence loss at work. If you decide to explore the potential ADHD further with your GP, some support from a mentor or coach could still help you with strategies to rebuild your confidence at work, so definitely worth considering.

Not a mentor as such at work, my line manager is supportive (to an extent).
I feel really ashamed that I’ve let myself ‘wing it’ at work. I should have sorted this way sooner.

@Chanandlerbong1

Not a mentor as such at work, my line manager is supportive (to an extent). I feel really ashamed that I’ve let myself ‘wing it’ at work. I should have sorted this way sooner.

You’re sorting it now and that’s what counts. Maybe surface with your line manager and see if you can get a mentor to help you through this?

Otherwise, happy to talk more privately as I may be able to help you myself.

Your comment about "wing(ing) it", makes me wonder whether you have imposter syndrome. I came on your thread to say fake it till you make it, which worked for me, confidence-wise. Since you used to be confident & feel you have now lost it, though, I'm not sure that would work. I think that, if you have ADHD, it would have manifested itself earlier. I know that, once I had children, I felt extremely frustrated that I couldn't complete everything I started (because DCs' needs interrupted). I had to have a major rethink about what I could manage professionally and what was beyond me, due to the demands of my family. I hope this helps!

@Nc123 that is really kind of you - I really badly want to sort myself out.
@cheapskatemum thanks for your reply. I think I do need to take a step back. I put
So much pressure on myself to do well in all aspects of my life. I’m realising I can’t have it all. There just aren’t enough hours in the day.

Oh gosh yes, I totally remember that! My DCs are now adults and I have been able to transfer my skills to a new career, so don't feel you've failed because you can't manage everything while your DCs are young. You're right, there aren't enough hours in the day. Try to work out what's most important to you and prioritise those areas.

Just started almost exactly the same thread myself - and also qualified 15 years ago! I've had such lovely helpful responses, you might want to have a look at my thread.

@BorderCollieMum
Thank you!

Consider if peri menopause might be an issue as well, it impacts your confidence and anxiety