Can you take a promotion and keep family first?

[youaintseenbadboyz2]

I work as an account manager at software company where I've been successful for the past 5 years and I've been asked a few times if I'd like a leader role. I'm really not bothered by promotion or status, I just want to do a good job whilst having time for my family. But I do love helping my team and I often mentor others, help them present, propose etc and I really like the people I work with. But its high growth so we are asked to keep delivering. I love the idea of helping others, but I have a nice work life balance right now.

However I am bored and I think I need a change - I am also aware that I am extremely lucky to even have this opportunity so sending love to everyone who has not been as fortunate through the pandemic.
Will taking a leader role destroy my life? Is it possible to do it and protect my family too?

It depends how old your children are and how self sufficient. It’s generally easier when they get past age 8yrs and can look after themselves more you have more mental headspace in theory for work.
How confident are you in setting boundaries with work or how flexible is the company to working parents? I took a step up when my youngest was aged 6 and stuck firm at working 4 longer days as I like an extra day off to deal with the mental load of family life rather than FT 5d a week. Each time it’s been advertised as a full time role but I’ve asked for slightly reduced hours, it does mean I’m effectively getting a pay cut in the role but it’s worth it for that extra day off a week for me.

It depends. My last promotion and my desk one involves managing my own diary and working when I want to.

Its improved my work life balance.

It really depends in the job, the company and the culture, the expectations etc

I’m interested to know how you managed your own diary with a team that reports into you. Interesting I feel as if that will still be possible but others disagree. Currently I work with my diary and my customers needs so I get to decide how and when I do my job to a degree but obvious my customers diaries dictate things really. In this role I have the needs of my team to consider and then any customer calls they’d like me to join (obviously not all the time, likely just the occasionally one where they need some support with execs).

That’s a very interesting idea - I suspect that may be challenging in this role but I can orchestrate my diary to a large degree. I know that part of what’s holding me back is the pandemic has been particularly stressful as my dog is extremely clinically vulnerable and a side effect of that is I’ve forgot the different between nervous excitement and actual stress feels like! So I’ve gone for what feels like the comfy option rather than step outside my comfort zone and grow.

I work in software and I've found that anything below Senior Management Team is manageable but SMT or LT is something that's all consuming in terms of time needed but also how much baggage you take home with you at the end of the day.

I've taken several promotions over the last 7 years since having DD, when she was born I was a team leader for a small quality/training team, in the intervening years I've moved to managing the whole call centre and then moving into a an Information Security/Governance function and now am Director of Info Sec globally for a company with over 5000 staff.

I manage my own time and WFH so I'm able to do school drop off and pick up, make dinner and a help with homework. I do have to log back on and do bits in the evening often but in part that's because of the time zones element.

It is absolutely possible to retain a work life balance but you have to be clear what your boundaries are and communicate those well to everyone. I point blank refuse to take meetings during DDs bed time as that time is precious. I have it blocked in my calendar everyday and have made clear I will be unavailable for any requests during that time. Conversely if I occasionally need to do a 10pm call then so be it, I don't allow it to be the norm but on the odd occasion it helps to show flexibility.

I have found that some levels are easier than others. My most recent promotion has been way better than the level down. I have a PA and just tell her when I am unavailable for meetings and she sorts it out. My team are really ambitious so I can delegate to them and they are actually happy to step up sometimes for the experience.

I do find important is setting my boundaries and being comfortable being in charge and asking others to work around me at times as is normal at my level.

What are the other people already in that role doing to manage their time and family life? Maybe talk to them and get an idea for what it's like in your company, or observe what they do. You should have a good idea of this culture already in your work place.

In my job, my manager will only attend things we want him to attend if he can make it so we always include him in scheduling the meetings and sometimes, if he feels if it really would be a waste of his time he will say so.

I set up my own business when my children were at primary school, so had similar concerns with work life balance. Its urgent work and people are stressed and demanding (understandably) when they call me, so I'm very firm about the phone being on do not disturb in the mornings. Once the kids are dropped off at school then I can take calls. Phone goes back onto do not disturb at night, but people are told they are welcome to text. I am very firm about my hours from a customer point of view, but I will often squeeze in paperwork at night or at weekends. If you are employed it will be easier to manage as you will have contracted hours.

Managing my own diary with customers and a team is fairly easy, if you are organised. And you need to be willing to compromise too.

If a client meeting is taking place I ask them for several dates and times they are available and pick the one suits me best. That has meant being on teams at 7am. Or even doing Yorkshire to Glasgow and back in one day, so I could be home for the kids. I was a single parent so my mum stayed with the kids over night, picked ds up from school and I was home for 6.30pm. Mum couldn't have them that night, so I did it in one day. But I needed to be organised and give her plenty of notice.

My teams cover a 16 hour period everyday (4am-8pm) so I would never be on for all their coverage.

I am available on the phone to answer questions even when I am 'off'. For clients and staff. But if I am busy, I am busy and I call back. Ds' school gate is about 40 yards from the house and he is year 6 so I often watch him walk over whilst on a call.

I am really picky about who I have one my teams as they need to be able to work without direct supervision. We are permanently at home now. But, before the pandemic I would be travelling to different offices. So was never there, in person, all the time anyway. So I needed people who would get the work done, without me there.

I also book times I am absolutely not available in my diary. So everyone can see I am not available.

I am am early riser so often get 2-3 hours of my own work done before the kids get up. I sometimes work in the evenings, but keep that to a minimum and do it once ds is in bed. Dd is 18 so often up later than me anyway.

As I said, I do need to be available to take calls at anytime though. But these advocate calls are never more than 10-15 mins. Sometimes happens on a weekend.

There was an emergency late at might about a year ago. I worked all night til about 4am. Slept, got the kids out of the house to school/ college and cleared my diary of none essential work and went back to bed for a bit. That's happened once in 4 years.

But I don't mind doing it because overall my life is easier this way. I get to be able to do work when I want, so a couple of quick calls on a weekend is a good compromise for me. Dp also understands my job and has no issue with me taking calls when I need to.

These responses are brilliant, thank you so much everyone, really helpful and motivating. It's also helped me formulate what I would like in this role and to be a little more direct in terms of what I bring to the role and what I need for my family.

A man would never ask this. Take the promotion for heavens sake! Your partner can pick up the slack?

@WaterBottle123

A man would never ask this. Take the promotion for heavens sake! Your partner can pick up the slack?

That doesn't make it wring to ask. Or to want to maintain a good work life balance.

Women don't aspire to act like men. Things would be a lot better for women if many men did consider their family rather than 'just take the promotion and the partner can pick up the slack'.

It should be a case of men considering thor partners and kids.

Not women not considering their family too.