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Original poster

How far does your dh commute, we have a job dilemma!

17 replies

anchovies · 27/12/2007 23:14

Am hoping someone has been in a similar situation?!

Dh was recently made redundant from a job that involved a long commute and then took a job on good money that is a 10 minute bike ride away from home. So we sold the second car, dh is home all the time, leaves for work just before 8, comes home at lunch time and is home for dinner every night. Only problem is the job is boring and something he could do in his sleep (health and safety manager for a small manufacturing company).

So now he has been offered another job as a consultant, a little bit more money but a company car and personal fuel that would mean almost exactly the same money as where he is now but this one has very good prospects, training and experience opportnities etc etc however he'd be back commuting, overnight stays and lots of travel.

He has been stalling on the decision for a week now and it's reaching crunch time but we are both completelely torn as to what is the best thing to do. It is unlikely he will ever find a job so stress free and so close to home again but we both know he can't stay there forever anyway and the other job is such a career opportunity.

We have two ds's by the way ages 3 and 1, do these decisions get easier as they get older?

OP posts:

edam · 27/12/2007 23:19

I think you know the answer most people will give is to go for the job that offers opportunities. Would dh really be happy to be stuck in a rut for goodness knows how long? Wouldn't the sheer tedium and frustration drive him up the wall before long?

You have to decide what trade off you are (as a family) prepared to make between job satisfaction and home life.

However, this new job isn't the only one out there - there will be others.

cat64 · 27/12/2007 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CremolaFirCone · 27/12/2007 23:24

dh says 20mins is his limit
arf

wot crap he'd work in Japan and commute if he had to.
we live in NI and know loads of people who commute to London etc during the week. it has become really common.my sis is on her own from mon-thurs with 3 kids under 6 and many of our mates are the same.

Twinklemegan · 27/12/2007 23:28

Well I'm a working mum and I have to commute about an hour and a half each way (by train including walking, I couldn't do that in the car - no way). For me commuting isn't too much of a problem since I can unwind and feel refreshed by the time I get home. The thing I really wouldn't like is a lot of travelling and overnight stays. There's a chance a job could come up at my work which is like that - I don't think I'd take it tbh.

CantSleighWontSleigh · 27/12/2007 23:29

Hmmm. To answer the thread title, he flies from Herts to Dublin on a Monday (v early) and returns on a Thursday night, with an occasional longer trip to Latin America or other parts of Europe.

If he could get a stress free job on the doorstep earning the same money then I'd absolutely want him to do it, but if it didn't stimulate him in some way then it just wouldn't work for us.

Is the money he earns now enough that you don't need to worry about whether it will increase in the future? If yes, then stay where he is for the time being, but if not, then take the other offer.

pinkbubble · 27/12/2007 23:32

DH has a job where it takes approx 45 mins to get to, he also goes away every now and then. The thing is it challenges his brain, also the commute lets him unwind. Let your DH decide what needs to be done, if it means better prospects in the future then I would say go for it. (most men are at work Monday - Friday 8 - 6) and people/men do not feel guilty about that one bit.

In an ideal world no one that has DC would work, we would all want to spend time with DC etc. But at the same time we also want the best!

moondog · 27/12/2007 23:33

Mine works in Tajikistan-six weeks there and a week at home. it's hard work for us all but the benefits outweigh the negatives (and he has done it for seven years)

Quattrocento · 27/12/2007 23:34

Well I have a 90 minute commute each way. DH has a 30 minute commute each way.

What a lot of commuting in the Quat household!

The question isn't about commuting though is it? You know what the right answer is, both of you.

JingleyJen · 27/12/2007 23:42

I would honestly say that whilst your babes are little that he sticks with his boring job that is close to home.
They grow up so quickly - it won't be long until they are at school full time but being able to see them now at lunchtime is such a bonus.

My Dh works 15 minutes drive from home I love it. If we have had a shit day (as often happens with small children) I can call him at 5 and ask him to be making his way home. 3 days a week he takes DS1 to school on his way to work.

We have made compromises he would be paid much more if he worked somewhere else but at the moment for us - time is more important.

CremolaFirCone · 27/12/2007 23:48

really agree with jj TBH. my BIL has missed a lot. my dh always said he would be close while dd was little and it has made a big difference.if he chose to go to england now i wouldn't stand in his way.DD is 12 and old enough to understand.

1dilemma · 27/12/2007 23:52

moondog without being cheeky can I ask what the benefits are? That sounds really tough!

WendyWeber · 27/12/2007 23:53

I would say stick to what he's got for now, while your kids are tiny. He would miss an awful lot if he took this offer; and he will be offered other jobs in future.

moondog · 27/12/2007 23:54

No,it's not cheeky.

A very good tax free salary

Loads of time off

Housing, medical insurance and tickets for me and the children to fly out asnd see him maybe 3/4 times a year.

A job that he loves.

WideWebWitch · 31/12/2007 04:57

Is there a compromise to be had? Could be negotiate 1 day a week from home or some working from home/leaving early stuff in the new job? Is it worth asking at this stage, while they want him? And what does the new job mean long term? Does it mean potential for more time at a slightly later stage?

Atm I commute for hours and hours every day but the money means I may well be able to take the school summer holidays off next year so for us it's worth it as a short term option. (mind you, ask me next week when I've been back a week!). In answer to your question, dh commutes for about half an hour, he drops and collects both children. I commute 2 hours each way but as I said, it's a short term thing. I am the higher earner. Children are 10 and 4.

Original poster

anchovies · 01/01/2008 12:08

Thanks for all your thoughts everyone. It really helped in that the views were all different which at least made us feel like we weren't missing the obvious answer!

In the end (hours of pros and cons, lists and questioning everyone we know!) we finally decided he would take the new job. Long term the close to home job wouldn't have worked for him (and therefore all of us). Thanks for the suggestion WWW, this really helped as he negotiated 2 days a week in either one of their offices (which is about 15 mons drive away) or at home.

OP posts:

WideWebWitch · 01/01/2008 12:10

Oh fantastic, that sounds like a really great compromise! Well done, happy new year!

Christywhisty · 02/01/2008 18:21

A bit late but DS works 50 miles from home. He now works one day from home, but is thinking about asking for condensed hours where he works all his hours in 4 days rather than 5, which he practically does anyway.

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