Struggling with leaving 3mo old

[Puppyseahorse]

I am self employed and decided to go back to work after 3 months. However I am missing my baby so so much. I’m surprised by how emotional this is making me, as when I was with her full time I found it very hard, I really struggled with the monotony of maternity leave. But I’m now wondering if I can handle being at work FT and away from her. She is with my mum while we look for a nanny.

I COULD afford to take a longer period without earning any income. But my career has always been important to me, as is earning my own money/ not being reliant on a man, and getting back into what I do after a long period off work would be difficult. It would mean dropping my current contract work and looking for a new contract on future (no idea how long that would take.) I’m really torn.

Others who’ve been through this, how long did it take to feel comfortable back at work? Did your baby still remember you?

Did I read correctly that you are working full time? Is there any way you can reduce your hours to part time temporarily?

I would love to do that but my current contract is on a full time basis. I would have to drop this contract and find a new one in order to go part time. That might take several months and would probably be quite stressful so I don’t think it’s an option really.

Is there anyway you can take some split maternity leave since you're self employed? For me I wanted to take a few months off to recover and bond then take further time off once my baby was about 1 or even slightly older as they are less exhausting and much more interesting once they get a bit older. I couldn't do that as I am employed but if I were you, could you work now and then take further time off once your child is older? That would be perfect to me.

But to reassure you, as long as there is a primary care giver who loves and cuddles your baby, they will be fine. They won't forget you and will have a great bond with grandma.