Toxic Manager or am I going mad?

[Momoftwoscallywags]

I was called into see my manager today. She told me I had ruined her Christmas as she feels I have it in for her.
Flabbergasted, I couldn't even form a reply. She then said I had to listen to her as she needed to tell me how she feels.......?
Apparently, because I didn't make her a cup of coffee one day when I made everyone else one she feels I have singled her out. Apparently, because I don't comment on the work what apps group when she posts and everyone else does, I am isolating her which could be construed as bullying? Apparently because I had a conversation about emails with a colleague I am targeting her about her email use, and apparently, because a colleague asked me if I was okay after I left the office in tears one day because she had shouted at me for not doing something, I am gossiping about her.

This was totally unexpected and I was completely horrified.

We went on to discuss the incident when she shouted at me and I explained how upset it had made me. She tried to deny she had shouted at me at first and then said that I had directly challenged her during the incident (which I hadn't as I am not a brave soul). At this point I stood up and told her she was gaslighting me and that it had to stop. I then left as I was so upset.

What do I do now? Please help?

Jesus that sounds intense.

What kind of job is it?
Do you have a union rep or HR you could speak to?

I would formally write down what has been happening and keep a diary of future interactions and do not meet with her one on one again. If she wants another meeting like that take an advocate with you.

@PrettyPlatapus

Jesus that sounds intense.

What kind of job is it?
Do you have a union rep or HR you could speak to?

I would formally write down what has been happening and keep a diary of future interactions and do not meet with her one on one again. If she wants another meeting like that take an advocate with you.

Agree I have had something similar but it was about 20 years ago.

Is she finding you threatening in a different way?

I was effectively covering that manager's arse. I resigned and she did the same two weeks after - me leaving was going to expose her incompetence.

Luckily, while she tried to deny shouting at me, there was a witness she'd been unaware of! So she backed down and apologised though she tried to complain against me....

It sounds like a very toxic situation and the best option is to leave. But if you can't, I have known people manage their toxic managers....you have to learn a lot of game playing shit though.

I am distraught, I have been up all night worried sick.

I do not understand why she is doing this.

I work in the retail finance sector and I have worked for this company for nearly 6 yrs and she has been my boss throughout the entire time. I work PT and I thought we were a great team, pulling together through Covid etc...........and I thought we were friends as well.

I don't know what I have done to make her behave in this way.

Sounds like she has an issue with you and is getting in there first.

Start to keep a note of every interaction you have with her and if you have a union have a chat with the union rep.

I'd be going to HR, she sounds unhinged !
Most of that has nothing to do with work, and she should not have shouted at you, that's a dignity issue

You haven’t done everything. You need to log this with HR, including her attempts to gaslight you.

She is telling you what you thought.

She has taken your actions and given them an interpretation and she won't be corrected.

You can't win against this mindset. Log it all and start job hunting.

Speak with HR, document everything to them that has been discussed