Failing at full time single mum with 3 dc's

[HelpINeeedSomebody]

Only started this job recently.
It's stressful and hard but I do like it and it will hopefully lead to a better career especially as I'm now recently divorced and need to think more about my future.
Going in to the office was decided fairly last minute by the company so I've got a different drop off and pick up Combo every day for youngest child. Older 2 get the bus and back.

Feeling deflated at the end of week 2 and like I'm failing at it all.

The positives are that everyone has got to work and school and time.

Failures are that i forgot to make a packed lunch for my eldest one day, didn't wash my sons PE kit, my room is a bomb site of clothes, ran out of dishwasher tablets, totally forgot about an eyebrow and lash appointment I had booked, had takeaways 2 nights in a row. Only got to the gym once and most annoyingly we missed a phone call from the doctors about an appointment for dd I'd made through an econsult. (They rang her instead of me and I hadn't prewarned her!)

I'm trying to juggle all the Christmas stuff as well and wrapping when I get a minute away from dcs but feel like I'm just chasing my tail.

Does it get any easier? Any tips or reassurance would be great fully received?

Are the eldest capable of making their own packed lunches providing you remember to buy the ingredients?

You need to start keeping rigid lists, schedules and rotas. I'm really forgetful so I have a TO DO list in order of priority on the go at all times.

If you older children are past believing in Santa ask them to wrap the gifts for each other and the youngest.

Unless the PE kit is sopping wet it will live to fight another day. If you can afford it have a spare set to give you some breathing space between turnarounds.

That's doesn't sound like failure to me - the first thing you need to do is celebrate that everyone got to school and work on time!

Reminders in phone
Chalk boards/whiteboards in the kitchen for everyone to contribute to (one for shopping and one for to do).
Specific nights for shopping/gym
Shared Google calendar for you and the older ones.
Xmas wrapping can be something relaxing with a glass of wine once everyone has gone to bed.

You sound like you're going a great job!

Any chance they could have school dinners dive days to cut yourself some slack

Second the spare PE kit.

Takeaways happen, at least everyone got fed. Can you make sure you always have ingredients in for quick meals in emergencies (for us that's things on toast, pasta carbonara and chicken and vegetables Fried rice using sachet rice).

The first adjustment is always hard, but it sounds like you have the foundations right and just need tweaking around the edges. And the Drs phone is five, my eldest is more transitioning to doing his appts himself and it's hard (he had various health conditions that means he has frequent appts with Drs and hospital). Definitely a learning curve for us all.

We have a wire clean board that magnets into the fridge where we write what's coming up each week and what meals we have planned. DH orders that, I prefer Google calendar online.

I think you've done really well, focus on what you have achieved

I've stepped up to working FT recently and it's hard to keep on top of things. Somethings gotta give! December loads the pressure on with extra stuff and im struggling.

I'm assuming your children are at least late primary or secondary from your post? If so it's time for a change where they have to take some responsibility from you e.g. making packed lunchs/ washing clothes/ emptying dishwasher etc. It's good for them to take responsibility

It's 2 weeks in, everyone got to where they needed to be - can't say I'd be as capable with 3 DC doing it alone! Don't beat yourself up.

As PPs say, very strict routine that outlines everything to be done in a day, that way the kids know too, and also outlines free time/appointments as you need to look after yourself too.

Thats not a failure! I'm struggling to keep us all on track and I only work part time. It's such hard work being the only adult but it sounds like you are doing amazing xx

Single Mum of 3 here.

They have school dinners.

They have more school uniform than they actually need because sometimes I’m too busy/forget to wash.

Mine are 13/10/5.

It's early days, its a huge adjustment and christmas and covid stuff is an extra layer of stress/mental load as well as learning a new job. Be kind to yourself, as you say, everyone got where they needed to be and you will find organisation hacks that work. Personally I make lunches the night before and pop them in the fridge, bags by the front door so definitely won't forget them, and set clothes out the night before etc, stuff straight into the wash if it's needed again soon like PE kit, online shop so I can add stuff during the week rather than remember when I'm in the shop etc. I find a physical calendar rather than just using my phone better, it's on the fridge so I see it every morning.

Sounds like you're doing great OP, and it will only be up from here :)

I work part time with one dc and I feel like this. You're doing really well it's really hard I can't imagine organising 3 children!
You're all fed. All clothed all at school / work on time. You're doing really well

Working single mum here too. Dd1 makes her own lunch. I make sure there is plenty of easy options such as pre sliced bagels, wraps, cold meats, sliced cheese (value range) . Bit more expensive but still cheaper than buying lunch each day at school. Dd2 still gets free lunches as the age has been extended in Scotland so she has a school lunch every day. I prompt them to get clothes/lunch/snack ready the night before so saves last minute panic and yes to having spares of everything. I get a lot of second hand stuff to save money. Don't get me wrong there is still chaos and forgotten things but moving responsibility on to the dc for some of their things has saved my sanity a little.

Set reminders in your phone for any appointments (do it straight away or will inevitably be forgotten)

No solution re the wrapping I've no clue when mine will get done. Will probably have to get up in the middle of the night and hope I don't wake anyone 🙈

I can't answer if it gets easier as yours sound older than mine so I'm not there yet. I hope so at the moment I feel rubbish I'm just permanently grumpy with no energy for any of the fun stuff we used to do but it's definitely easier to share the load and good for the dc too

You might be recently divorced, but they still have another parent. Are you expected to pick up all the shitty day to day life work that comes with three children? Just seems so imbalanced and unfair.

Hopefully it'll get easier when Christmas passes. I love Christmas but there's such a lot to think about especially with kids involved. I've dropped the ball a couple of times this month, parent admin wise, and i think it's because my head is full of - have they got enough presents? Will they arrive in time? What am i putting in advent calendars tomorrow? Have they got equal amounts in stockings? And then theres sending in clothes for xmas play, charity donation for Christmas jumper day, christmas cards for my reception age child to send, christmas party money...childcare to think about for nursery closure days and school hols.

It sounds like you're doing really well all things considering and I'd give yourself credit for what you are doing. It's still a transistion period

Thanks for all the encouraging messages and tips.Some really good ones here. On the back of the advice went in to town to the uniform shop to order more and it was closed!.

Food shopping I definitely need to get better with - I seem to forget one genre every time I do it e.g I buy great lunch/ breakfast items but forget key dinner ingredients or I'll forget all snacks?!

The older ones definitely need to help more and after Christmas I'll try and get a better routine going for them too.
I love Christmas and feel mean saying it but am partially looking forward to it being over this year so there's less to think about!