Career regret

[AwkwardPaws27]

I spent most of my 20s working admin jobs in different settings (veterinary receptionist, exans officer in a college, library assistant, executive assistant in the charity sector).

I went to uni in the evenings in my mid-late 20s starting with a CertHE - initially planned to apply to vet school but after lots of work experiences and thought turned down my interviews as I didn't think I'd cope (history of depression and anxiety combined with a career with a very high suicide rate seemed like a bad idea).

I got high marks and moved from the CertHE to y2 of a biomed degree. Got a 1st class hons & secured a place on a scheme to train as an accountant in the public sector.

I hate it. I like most of the day to day work of my postings but the courses (ICAEW ACA) are so so dry. I'm scraping passes and really struggling to concentrate. I'm also pregnant which hasn't helped as I'm exhausted. I'm scared I'll fail. I'm also scared I'll somehow qualify then make a catastrophic mistake.

I just don't think I'll ever find a career I'm good at. I'm not stupid, I usually pick things up quickly but I just feel like a total failure.

If you hate accounting you don't have to do it. I couldn't. What drew you to biomedicine? Could you look at jobs in this field? Health research?

I work for the public sector as a project manager. I like it, and it fits in with my kids. Even though I never thought I would be one! Lots of second/third/fourth career-ers in my team.

I'm a bit stuck now. If I leave I'll have to pay back the courses I've done so far. I have to stay til after maternity anyway.

I can't do anything with my degree without postgraduate study and I can't afford that (pg loan would barely cover tuition, let alone contribute towards mortgage, bills etc).

Despite trying so hard, I was shit at lab work - my practical projects were awful. I was good at writing assignments and passing exams.

I tried to move into project management from my EA role but despite applying for multiple roles I never got anywhere. I also hated managing people in a previous role - I'm far better just managing my own workload. I found it very hard to get the balance between too little support or micromanaging right. I like training people but I was honestly a crap manager.

It's hard, I know the feeling, I have a next to useless degree and couldn't afford graduate study so despite being a high achiever at school felt lost afterwards, for years. Maternity leave was a relief and I eventually got into what I am doing but even that was fairly indirectly/accidentally! You are not alone. Stick with the training and when that's done you can take stock - you could move into a more strategic finance role or procurement even.

I'm not sure I'll pass to be honest. I'm trying to revise for two more exams, I've already pushed them back and nothing seems to be going in.
I feel like such a fool.