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Original poster

Should employees be asked to contribute to going away gifts?

32 replies

blueskyday12 · 13/12/2021 12:45

AIBU to think that when someone leaves your company, employees should not be asked to put money towards to going away gift (vouchers, gift card, etc)?

Just that really. I think its lovely to sign a card or e-card to wish an employee well on in their new job, but I don’t think its right to put people in an awkward situation of having to choose to spend their discretionary income on a gift for someone who is leaving the company.

A while back, I had a team member leave and I had organised an e-card to collect signatures. After we had a goodbye zoom call and gave the employee the e-card, the manager of the employee who was leaving (who had a senior role) emailed the team saying that he decided to purchase a £100 Selfridges gift card for the employee who was leaving and told us we could PayPay him if we wanted to contribute to this gift (that he had already bought). I didn’t.

We then proceeded to have 3 other team members leave, and since everyone knew that the one employee got this large gift card, I’m sure the others thought they would receive the same.

I know you can argue that you don’t have to contribute to these things, but I am of the opinion that it shouldn’t be asked, as it puts people in a situation where it will be known wether or not if they contributed by the collector, who might be your manager. I’ve also been asked to contribute to the 30th birthday present of an employee, which I thought was odd. What are your thoughts?

OP posts:

FawnFrenchieMum · 13/12/2021 12:48

I’m of the opinion it’s a choice, some I will contribute to others I won’t.

DPotter · 13/12/2021 12:55

Different offices / businesses have different cultures around gift giving. I've worked in places where whole floors would contribute to birthday and leaving gifts, with the recipients bringing in cakes for the whole floor, to others where some staff weren't even aware colleagues were leaving until they didn't turn up anymore. There's no right or wrong in either approach, as long as everyone is happy with the situation.

I do draw the line in people expecting me to contribute against the prevailing culture. For example I was once asked to contribute towards a funeral wreath for someone's granny. I declined as I'd never met the woman and how would we sign the card - "from the team at XX, where Flossie works".

Birthdays and leaving gifts I'm happy to support, not funeral flowers for someone I've never met !

Aprilx · 13/12/2021 13:05

Your question “should they be asked to contribute” doesn’t really make sense. There is no “should” or “shouldn’t” about it. It is pure choice.

Nevertime · 13/12/2021 13:10

I wish all gift giving at work would stop, I dont like "having" to contribute to collections for people I barely know, I don't like the uncomfortable feeling when some collections do better than others, I'm rubbish at thinking of ideas for what to buy with the collections and so, apparently, are most people because I've rarely received anything I really liked or would use.

However, lots of people seem to love all this gift giving, otherwise, surely it would stop?

AlexaShutUp · 13/12/2021 13:12

As long as you don't expect any leaving gifts when you move on from the job, I think your position is fair enough.

Pigeoninthehouse · 13/12/2021 13:18

I think it's a nice gesture from your colleagues. As long as there is no pressure to contribute and everyone is treated the same, I don't see the problem.
You were asked you didn't contribute and presumably there has been no comeback from your choice, so struggling to see the issue.

Original poster

blueskyday12 · 13/12/2021 13:22

I certainly do not expect anything when I leave a company. It is good to see the opinions of others, and I'm sure the culture of gifting does vary company to company, or even department to department.

I especially feel uneasy about it when a manager asks direct reports as they might not have the budget to contribute but might think that it will "look bad"/impact the managers opinion of them if they don't.

OP posts:

Pigeoninthehouse · 13/12/2021 13:33

When I have worked for employers, its not usually the manager that does the collection.
I have been given leaving presents when I have left jobs, as well as gifts for big birthdays etc. Mostly vouchers, but have always appreciated them none the less.
You regularly see posts on this site, from posters upset that no one has acknowledged them leaving a long time job with a gift, so it is important to some people.

Deisogn · 13/12/2021 14:01

I agree it's awkward the manager did it. It's usually the admin who carries the envelope around. It's a nice thing to do. It's not compulsory. This is right up there with abolishing Christmas jumpers....

Original poster

blueskyday12 · 13/12/2021 15:47

Unfortunately everywhere I have worked, it has never been an admin. Always a coworker or a manager. Perhaps that contributes to my views on this!

OP posts:

Woeismethischristmas · 13/12/2021 15:49

I contributed to lots of leaving gifts where I first worked. Got nada when I left so gave up 😀

itwasntaparty · 13/12/2021 15:56

I contribute to the people I have a relationship with, no issue with not contributing to those I don't.

thisplaceisweird · 13/12/2021 15:59

I don't agree with it, they're leaving usually to go somewhere better and on more money. Why should they get a present for leaving?? it's strange

Aprilx · 14/12/2021 07:33

@blueskyday12

I have been the manager for at least twenty of the last thirty years and have never organised a collection and nor have I ever needed to. It has without exception been organised by a co worker of the gift receiver. Also it has always been an envelope passed around, so everybody is free in anonymity to contribute what they wish or not contribute at all. I have worked for thirty years, several companies and three countries and it has been done like this everywhere.

heelforheelandtoefortoe · 14/12/2021 20:12

YABU to think an e card is enough. A gift is nice but its optional whether people contribute. I'd be hurt to just get an ecard if leaving and feel glad to be leaving!

YANBU to think £100 is too much though. It should be up to people what if anything they contribute and I wouldn't expect a £100 gift.

Thegreencup · 14/12/2021 20:18

I'd be gutted if I left somewhere and only go an e card. Perhaps this is why so many people are leaving?

Do you have a relationship with any of your colleagues beyond work? Generally I think it's nice to contribute to birthdays and leaving dos etc if you get along with people.

Unless you're in a big team, I think a £100 voucher is quite a lot. But a quid or fiver from people is reasonable I think. Equally, I wouldn't be arsed if people didn't contribute.

pinkmink · 14/12/2021 22:23

I prefer to stay away from gift giving at work. There are other ways to create a nice culture. It’s not fair to ask people to contribute money and it’s not fair if certain team members get grand gestures.

I was asked to arrange the maternity leave gift of a boss and it has solidified how much is dislike the practice. I found a nice gift for about £60 (think Jo Malone candle)… but oh no, the other bosses decided we needed to spend £250 (think 2 candles, trinkets, body lotions…). Financed by junior team members. It was grossly extravagant.

Annotherchange · 14/12/2021 22:26

@Woeismethischristmas

I contributed to lots of leaving gifts where I first worked. Got nada when I left so gave up 😀

Same, £20 for maternity leave. I took the hint and left.

Kite22 · 14/12/2021 22:34

I'd feel somewhat hurt if I just got a card after leaving a place I'd worked for several years, and contributed all I could.

I think it odd that someone should "decide" to buy something and then ask for money afterwards - that is always the wrong way to do it.

I've worked in a lot of places over the 4 decades since I've first started working, and everywhere I have ever worked it has been a colleague who passes an envelope round - you sign / tick your name off when you have seen the envelope (whether you choose to put anything in or not) and then a gift is bought (or vouchers if preferred) with the money that is raised.

If you work for public services, there is no 'budget' for "the employer" to give a gift, and, to me, that seems really impersonal anyway.
You obviously don't have to give - it depends on many factors - but it is very normal in my world for there to be a voluntary collection. I also think it is nice.

Hairyfriend · 14/12/2021 22:40

When you were asked to collect an e-card, didn't you suggest a real one instead?

I've found it varies in all the places I've worked. Bit odd for the manager to come around asking though. I too have found its normally admin and certainly not a manger shaking the bucket asking for contributions!

In some situations I've just said 'Oh thanks but I've already bought Jane a personal gift from me, thanks for asking though'. Which is the case for either a close work colleague or someone I only vaguely know and don't want to contribute to. If its someone I don't know at all, i'd say that.

One job, it was only my colleagues that did a card and a gift between them. The management were dreadful and didn't even sign the card (that a colleague bought!) nor even wish me well when I left to care for a terminally ill grand parent!

tigger1001 · 14/12/2021 22:41

I think it's a nice thing to do. As long as there is no obligation to contribute.

There have been collections where I have been really generous, others less so and some I've not contributed to at all. Sometimes lack of finance rather than an opinion of the recipient.

It's ok not to give. It's also ok to organise a collection.

Anyplace I have worked it's been a Co worker that has done the collection

Terminallysleepdeprived · 14/12/2021 22:51

There is no harm in asking if people want to contribute.

My previous company birthdays were dealt with purely within the team and was a £5 per person contribution. But we had all worked together a long time.

Leaving gifts were always done with a card and envelope that went round so no one really knew who put what if anything in.

But I do see the awkward in it. There were 2 of us that did "my" job. I had done it years whilst the other lady only about 10 months although with the company a lot longer.

We both left within 3 weeks of each other. Her collection raised about £40. Mine about £200. I am glad she left before me as I was gutted that people felt so little towards her and yet had clearly been so amazingly generous to me. I knew value as I was given it as a selection of gift vouchers as well as gifts. Covid or not there were lots of hugs given out that day, I have no idea which of the 250 people within our site contributed and which didn't. I didn't expect anything but was genuinely overwhelmed.

My new company doesn't do birthdays unless they are big ones which is fine too. I buy for my 2 immediate colleagues and that is it.

middleager · 14/12/2021 22:57

I work on a team where everybody else earns 2.5x as much as me. They are high earners and child free, with the exception of the boss' PA who is on a similar salary to me.

3 people left this summer and collections were organised by the boss' PA, with us each paying into the collections via bank transfer, with a suggestion that we pay £10 per gift, so £30 in total.

I resent it.

middleager · 14/12/2021 22:57

£10 each per gift...

Viviennemary · 14/12/2021 23:04

I think its fine to have a collection. But not fine to demand money with menaces figuratively speaking.

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