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Original poster

Invited then uninvited to Xmas do

24 replies

MumofOne111111 · 08/12/2021 19:31

So I am currently on maternity leave from my company where I have worked for 3 years. The Christmas do is tomorrow and I was invited.

During my Mat leave I was approached by multiple companies offering more money than my current job, I went to my employer with a firm offer from another company and told them that though I don’t want to leave, but with mounting child care costs I can’t discount these other jobs.

They have come back with a counter offer considerably lower than my other offers and I said I would consider it because I don’t want to leave etc.

My line manager has now turned around and said that it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to come to the Christmas do tomorrow as I haven’t given them my decision.

Am I right to be upset by this?

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 08/12/2021 19:33

If I was on Mat leave I probably wouldn’t go and I can also kind of see your managers point

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2021 19:34

Yeah that’s shit, you still work there so should be invited.

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2021 19:35

Oh sorry you’re still on maternity and haven’t decided if you’re going back? I see his point.

LawnFever · 08/12/2021 19:37

Based on that I’d accept your other job offer asap and move on.

BackBackBack · 08/12/2021 19:38

I'd resign. Attendance at the Christmas party shouldn't depend on whether you're in a notice period or not. Any decent company wouldn't be precious about it. Their counter isn't very good and culturally they sound a bit shit, so I'd go for one of your other offers.

drpet49 · 08/12/2021 19:38

I see your managers point. Personally if I was you I wouldn’t feel comfortable goinf

IncompleteSenten · 08/12/2021 19:38

Yanbu.
You work there.
What you may decide to do doesn't change the fact that right now you are an employee.

Nor does the fact you are on mat leave.

If you weren't on mat leave would they say don't come to the party because you're considering other offers of employment? I bet they would not. I'd go so far as to say it could be argued this is discrimination tbh.

Bunnyfuller · 08/12/2021 19:38

You’re blackmailing your employer and you want to go to Christmas do? If the other job is so fab, go for it. Quality of a job is not just counted in salary.

Onehotmess · 08/12/2021 19:40

Yes you are right to be annoyed. It’s out of order and they shouldn’t be telling anyone about the offers you have had so no one other than your manager should be aware (unless you have chosen to share this info directly)

unfortunateevents · 08/12/2021 19:50

How long has it been since they made you a counter-offer?

thatstheloveiwantiwantlove · 08/12/2021 19:55

Yeah I can understand your employers point of view - you're playing them - clearly been on interviews whilst on maternity leave and now trying to get them to enter into a bidding war for your employment - nothing illegal in what you've done of course but it is rather mercenary and distasteful. Not something I've ever done to an employer - if I want to leave for more money I do - I don't play my employer off against other prospective ones

Original poster

MumofOne111111 · 08/12/2021 19:55

Yesterday

OP posts:

FallonCarringtonWannabe · 08/12/2021 19:56

Take the other job

LivingDeadGirlUK · 08/12/2021 19:56

I think your manager is being really petty, yanbu. I would make the decision to leave tbh. You have had multuple higher offers which they wont match, and you have a petty manager.

thatstheloveiwantiwantlove · 08/12/2021 19:59

They have come back with a counter offer considerably lower than my other offers and I said I would consider it because I don’t want to leave etc.

You clearly do want to leave though or you wouldn't have interviewed and obtained an offer from somewhere else???

You should check if you have to repay maternity leave by the way if you don't return to your current employer for a certain amount of time after maternity (mine is 6 months!)

LivingDeadGirlUK · 08/12/2021 19:59

As PP says none of your other co workers should know about your offers, they are using the xmas party to blackmail you, its pretty low!

Darkpheonix · 08/12/2021 20:02

Why would your coworkers know?

violetbunny · 10/12/2021 05:00

I don't really understand the negative comments about getting other job offers and seeing if your current company will offer you more.

Some places I've worked at, I've known there to be situations where they've offered employees more money when they hand in their notice to try and get them to stay. It's not personal, it's business. Same goes the other way - if a company thought they could replace you with a cheaper version and get away with it then of course they bloody well would! I myself wasn't progressing as quickly up the ladder as I wanted, so managed to get a job offer elsewhere - a step up. My employer then realised they wanted to keep me and offered me a promotion after all. I took their offer and stayed on for several more years. Win win for everyone!

Anyway, going back to your actual question - of course your attendance at the party shouldn't be influenced by your decision. It sounds like they're just reacting emotionally so want to punish you.

Totalwasteofpaper · 10/12/2021 05:12

Firstly good for you! well done for knowing your worth and getting some offers in.

Take the counter.
The Christmas party itself is not the point its trivialand frankly petty but symbolic of their general attitude.

Jacaranda75 · 10/12/2021 05:14

That is so petty of them!

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 10/12/2021 05:28

I dont understand why it isnt appropriate? You work there.

chaosrabbitland · 10/12/2021 05:30

i can see why your manager has univited you to be fair , you are basically leaving them dangling with your going to leave , they are obviously under the impression your going to as soon as you get a better offer than there , so in all fairness why would they be bothered about an employee on maternity leave who wants to go work somewhere else anyway , i wouldnt want to go now myself anyway , i should imagine it would be a bit uncomfortable if nothing else

it might be better to take the other job if their offer is much better

KatherineJaneway · 10/12/2021 05:35

You have every right to be upset but I do also get where your manager is coming from, albeit he is being petty.

You're playing hardball about your pay, nothing wrong with that, but in his mind you only care about the money not the company.

SinoohXaenaHide · 10/12/2021 05:35

I would message back saying "unless anybody who wasn't on maternity leave would be banned from the Christmas party for daring to open negotiations on their job role and salary, then excluding me just for considering my oprions would be discriminatory. Unless and until a formal decision otherwise, I am part of the team."

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