Anyone else groped at Xmas party?

[idontwantagropeatxmas]

Sleazy guy in my workplace ruined my Xmas party last week by constantly sexually harassing me. He's the same grade as I am, but in a different department.

I've now had a frank conversation with him, warning him that if it ever happened again, I'd raise a formal grievance.

He has a bit of a reputation for it, but has always left me alone before...he claims can't even remember what happened.

Anyone else ever had a similar experience? What did you do?

Kick him in the fork.
Then tell him you can't remember doing it.
Also hand him a leaflet for Alcoholics Anonymous - in front of everyone

i would report it.

I'm not going to report it formally - I just don't want it ever happening again.

But I told him in no uncertain terms I would make a formal report if it did happen again.

He's nice enough when he's sober - and was mortified when I spoke to him.

Sounds like you've handled it very sensibly already

Poor you what a sleaze.

I had a pervy boss once who sent me a postcard of a nude greek statute from behind saying it reminded him of me. Yuck! Was really junior so didnt do anything about it but should have done so well done you for standing up for yourself.

I think it sounds like you have handled it very well and calmly.

My only other concern is your comment that he has a reputation for it. So presumably that means there are several women who have suffered this sexual harassment and will continue to do so? Has anyone else complained formally?

I am a bit torn here - my usual philosophy when advising people about their workplace difficulties it to advise them to work out what the best outcome is for them and work towards it. Which can mean not bringing a grievance/tribunal claim that they might technically be entitled to do. It's all about balance and if someone feels that actually in the long run they'd be happier walking away from something than trawling through a long and stressful procedure, I am not one to say they should do so for the general good or so that an employer isn't allowed to 'get away with' something.

However when it comes to something like sexual harassment tbh I lean a little bit more towards 'take action' regardless of whether you'd actually prefer to let it go. Someone else might get groped (or worse) next year who is severely affected by it.

Just something to think about anyway. It does sound like you have handled it very well yourself.

I have been in an extremely difficult situation before when an employee who was off with stress told me in confidence that she had been sexually harassed by another member of staff. She didn't want to take action as she was scared, this man was her boss and was also married to another member of staff so the woman felt she would be causing trouble and was also stressed enough.

I struggled with this one. I had two responsibilities in this situation, my assurance when speaking to this woman that conversations we were having were confidential and my duty of care towards her and other employees. I took the decision (I think rightly) that my duty of care towards her and other employees overrode my promise of confidentiality so I did take action - discreet action which tricky to manage given the seniority of the man in question without people finding out including his wife. I felt it was important to protect employees from this situation. The woman in question was relieved as it happened that I had taken action and I did manage to do so without a traumatic process for her as I knew that was not in her interests.

My action was also in the employer's interest - as soon as I found out about the situation, that meant that the employer could be said to be 'aware'. The consequences for the employer if something very serious had happened as a result of this man's actions and it was discovered that his employer was aware of the problem and did nothing to stop it could have been extremely damaging.

Sorry that was a bit of a waffle, and not sure how helpful my saga about the situation I found myself in was, it just reminded me really!

Thanks Flowery.

I have mentioned it to two senior people in the organisation, saying I was going to talk to him, but that I wasn't going to make it formal.

I really don't think it's in anyone's interests to make it formal tbh...although I warned him that he could end up in a lot of trouble if it happened again - certainly with me, and perhaps with someone else.

He was very apologetic and actually a bit scared when I spoke to him - I was quite calm but left him in no doubt what the consequences would be if he carried on.

A friend of mine was groped at a Christmas party. She reported him to HR the next day. He was suspended immediately for 5 days and had to come in to attend a review meeting and was given a written warning. He also had a bit of a rep.

Sounds like you've handled it really well idwagax. The only thing I'd add is make a written note of what happened, what you said to him, what you said to the two senior people with dates and times etc. Then if you do have to take it any further, you'll have an accurate record of what has happened so far.

I think you've made your position very clear. He is most unlikely to repeat this behaviour - with you - at least.

I would leave it - unless you don't mind all the hassle and aggravation

idont I'm sure you can and have make a judgement about this situation and what benefit or otherwise would be gained from taking it further. As I say, you handled it well and from what you say about his reaction it may well be you have scared him enough to wake him up to what the consequences could be of any repeat performance. Often women just don't say or do anything, which is why these men get a reputation and keep doing it. By challenging as you have done it may (hopefully) make a difference regardless of any formal complaint on his record.

I agree with Elizabetth about keeping a note of exactly what was said and to whom.