One month in new job screwed it up

Hawkins001 · 01/12/2021 22:35

When it's just the two of you, to gather proof include it goes to your boss ect, could you use a dictation machine to record the convos, and gather evidence for as and when it's needed ?

Hawkins001 · 01/12/2021 22:35

*incase

Bluntness100 · 01/12/2021 22:38

I'm not the boss anymore of this person am I. And she'll probably lose me my job now.

There’s something deeply unpleasant about this statement. I am actually wondering if there is something in what she’s saying.

Armychefbethebest · 01/12/2021 22:39

I would still treat her the same as the rest of your team if she doesn't like it then tough. To cover your own arse if you have to pull her for anything in future always have a witness and always log your conversations x

Bluntness100 · 01/12/2021 22:39

@Hawkins001

When it's just the two of you, to gather proof include it goes to your boss ect, could you use a dictation machine to record the convos, and gather evidence for as and when it's needed ?

Ffs, dictation machine? Why is the 1950s? 🤦🏻‍♀️ Yo can’t record people without their knowledge, it’s illegal.

blueshoes · 01/12/2021 22:42

So even after you called her to apologise and make the peace she continued to criticise you? Who does that to their boss unless they have a death wish?

It sounds like she might have a performance issue with note taking. Why do you reckon she asked to shadow you? Is it to tell be able to tell you what to do and make you feel small. Is it to avoid doing real work? Did she also apply for the role and did not get it? Was she mates with your predecessor? Why did your predecessor leave?

I would be wondering how to discreetly obtain a bit more intelligence on her behaviour within the team and even her performance reports.

You did the right thing as the manager to apologise and make peace. As a manager, you have to be the adult whilst the people you manage throw tantrums. Your boss also asked you to and so I guess you don't have a choice. You won't lose your job but you do not have to kowtow to her. Next time she goes off on one and tries to stick it to you, I would be a little more mealy mouthed about the apologies ("I can see how YOU might perceive that ..."), whilst always remaining civil and polite and avoid descending to her level.

Other people can see she is being a dick to you. I am guessing you won't be the first person she targeted. People like her will hang themselves at some point if you give her enough rope. I'd watch, wait and observe for now.

FissionMailed · 01/12/2021 22:51

You don't apologise for what you asked her to do, apologise for not setting it out clearly enough for her to understand.
You then set out exactly what you expect of her. If you need her to take notes, she should be taking notes.
If she shouldn't be getting involved in things, she should only be watching etc.

Lay out what they will be doing, what their role is, very clearly and in ways they can't possibly misunderstand.
You advise her of the support you will be offering moving forward.

Do it all by email to her with your direct Boss and HR copied in.

Open with something along the lines of,

Dear Employee,
There's been some misunderstanding lately so in order to rectify that.... Etc.

End with something like,.

Any issues, please email back and I'll get back to you ASAP.

If she doesn't like you being clear, direct and reasonable, that's on her and you've covered yourself. If she tries to call, ignore it.

Difficult people need clearly explained boundaries and roles, it makes being difficult harder if it's in black and white what is expected from them.

I hope that makes sense.

Kuachui · 01/12/2021 22:56

do everything via email. dont phone her or ask her to do anything in person, dont apologise over phone always email. dont let her have anything to stab you with.. always leave a paper trail

Hawkins001 · 02/12/2021 00:13

@Bluntness100

Ah I see, although that makes it a pickle when your trying to gather evidence verbally your point, which then this may sound daft, but how is keeping emails as proof vs recording how you interactive with each other, one legal vs illegal ?

Hawkins001 · 02/12/2021 00:14

*verbally to prove your point.

pastabest · 02/12/2021 00:27

[quote Hawkins001]@Bluntness100

Ah I see, although that makes it a pickle when your trying to gather evidence verbally your point, which then this may sound daft, but how is keeping emails as proof vs recording how you interactive with each other, one legal vs illegal ?[/quote]
Because if you send an email there is implied consent that you have created a written document and distributed it to someone else with the knowledge that ultimately this could at some point be shared with others.

If you have been recorded without your knowledge then you haven't provided consent.

Macmickmoo · 02/12/2021 09:01

Dh always says the person who takes the minutes is the most powerful person in the room.

OP you are this person's line manager and you are using quite strong overly aggressive language. Boss, lose respect, authority, you feel like a fucking mug, you react and she's going tell mummy - your reactions should be appropriate - there should be nothing to hide from mummy. You don't want her to interfere in your work - so she doesn't get to have an opinion or an idea - did you ask her to note take to exert your authority. You know you need to earn respect not demand it - maybe you need to consider changing your style because you sound very stuck in the 20th Century. It's not your style to walk on eggshells - that certainly comes across in your post. I think you are certainly not helping yourself.

Helpstopthepain · 02/12/2021 09:05

@Macmickmoo

Dh always says the person who takes the minutes is the most powerful person in the room.

OP you are this person's line manager and you are using quite strong overly aggressive language. Boss, lose respect, authority, you feel like a fucking mug, you react and she's going tell mummy - your reactions should be appropriate - there should be nothing to hide from mummy. You don't want her to interfere in your work - so she doesn't get to have an opinion or an idea - did you ask her to note take to exert your authority. You know you need to earn respect not demand it - maybe you need to consider changing your style because you sound very stuck in the 20th Century. It's not your style to walk on eggshells - that certainly comes across in your post. I think you are certainly not helping yourself.

Put much better than I could.

Hawkins001 · 02/12/2021 16:58

@pastabest

Much appreciated for your assistance and perspective.

Asi1 · 02/12/2021 17:02

@Macmickmoo

Dh always says the person who takes the minutes is the most powerful person in the room.

OP you are this person's line manager and you are using quite strong overly aggressive language. Boss, lose respect, authority, you feel like a fucking mug, you react and she's going tell mummy - your reactions should be appropriate - there should be nothing to hide from mummy. You don't want her to interfere in your work - so she doesn't get to have an opinion or an idea - did you ask her to note take to exert your authority. You know you need to earn respect not demand it - maybe you need to consider changing your style because you sound very stuck in the 20th Century. It's not your style to walk on eggshells - that certainly comes across in your post. I think you are certainly not helping yourself.

This.

gunnersgold · 02/12/2021 17:09

From what you have said she sounds like my mil who gets on with no one and is always 'victimised' at work .. ( there is always one narcissist at work !

Macmickmoo · 02/12/2021 19:07

You're in HR? You speak about people in the way you do and you're in HR...you seem to lack self-awareness - you get feedback about how you are behaving and you blame everyone else, you'd prefer to think of your manager as taking sides rather than rationally evaluating the situation and trying to make you aware of how you contributed to it - maybe you need to be a bit more open-minded about the part you played - no one is ever blameless and yet you "don't feel you did anything wrong". Try and reflect on what you could have done differently to achieve a better outcome - all the best people do - at all levels!!!!

HeyArnoldHey · 02/12/2021 21:46

Did you post this already? I'm having deja vu . The other post is slightly different and your manager had your back?