Terrified of returning back to work after maternity leave

[MinnieMouse92]

Sorry, I just posted this under another topic my mistake!

Hello,

Just looking for others experiences of returning to work after maternity leave. I’m feeling really terrified. I’m returning to work after a year off straight after Xmas. We are very lucky in that my mum and MIL will be looking after my baby whilst I’m at work. I’m returning full time, 5 days a week. My mum having him 3 days and MIL 2 days. Actually, work side is not what I’m worrying about; I love my job and the people I work with/for. I just feel so overwhelmed with the idea that I’ve had a baby for other people to look after for 5 days out of 7. I knew this was the deal when we decided to have a baby and in all honesty when I heard of mums talking about “mum guilt” and returning to work, I always felt a little “well if that’s what your arrangements were always going to be then why feel so guilty”. But the reality is SO different. He has been my life for a whole year, and me his. It feels so unnatural. Part time or reduced hours are not an option. I trust my childcare 150% but I just feel so anxious. I’m worrying about all these things that I will have no “control” over. It seems like such a developmental time in his life. Obviously we have our routine now but I know that at some point that will all change, he will be going down to 1 nap at some point after he turns one and obviously dietary needs change, bottles dropped, food upped etc. I just feel like I’m going to be so “out of the loop” with it all and it just feels like I should be the one guiding him through these things and implementing these changes. I’m worrying he won’t nap so well away from home and this will cause problems at night time, I just feel so awful about leaving him. I’m usually Christmas mad and should be looking forward to his first Christmas but these thoughts and worries are really clouding it. Are these completely normal thoughts that all mums go through when going back to work? Did your babies adapt better than you imagined they would, or worse?

I know we are so lucky with our childcare and I really feel for those without the option of baby staying with family! I know this is all first world problems and that in the long run I’m sure will be ok, I’m just famed to catastrophising things. It’s just consuming me.

Sorry I know this is long winded and thank you if you’ve got this far!

I went back full time and we put DS in nursery five days a week.
I didn't feel guilty because it was an excellent nursery and I really loved my job.
I did get some comments about how awful it was that I'd returned full time..... I just used to ask if they'd made the same comments to my DH who worked at the same company. That usually shut them up!!

It's normal to feel anxious but try not to feel guilty. Nobody ever talks about dad guilt do they?

We made it work by working flexibly so we could finish early at least one day a week each so we got extra time with DS. Would that work for you?

Yes I agree with you! Everyone should be treated fairly. Some parents like to work and I do too. We're not in the 50s anymore. Also now with my DD in full time school I need more hours especially with Universal at my back every week!

I struggled a bit with some of the things you menation about loss of control when I'd been the main consistent presence in DCs' lives on mat leave. My ILs kindly looked after our DC for some of my working hours and ALWAYS changed their clothes to thinks I'd never seen before. I hated it.

Then I realised that they were all benefiting from developing relationships independent of me, which meant two things. Firstly that I didn't have to see them much on weekends, as they'd see each other without me during the week, and secondly that they were developing close relationships together, independent of me. For that I am hugely grateful; it brings me joy to see what a strong bond my DCs have with their GPs. I'm fairly un-family-centric, so I wasn't expecting this tbh