Working notice in a hostile environment

[onemoredayplease]

Hi
I'm currently working out my 3 month notice period. I've been in post just over a year and haven't had an easy time. This week I was asked to join part of a meeting to review my role. I was asked to present how it's been for me. I was honest including about difficult relationships with my line manager and a department head, I backed up my comments with examples and data. It was a terrible meeting. I was told my recollections differ to theirs and no changes will be made following my feedback.

I am now in the situation where I have to work 2 1/2 months notice with these people. My line manager already struggles to speak to me, she actually can't look at me. I don't quite know how I'm supposed to do this. I was honest because there are real problems within the organisation and I don't want anyone else to be in the position I have been in. I feel I have fully exposed myself for no benefit and as a result I am now in a worse position.
Any advice on how I proceed?

I agree with asking new job if you can start early and negotiating (or insisting on) a reduced notice period.

had you already resigned when you did this?

I appreciate you might be very young, but when they say "be honest" it is all complete bollocks.

If you have to stay for the rest of the time, just ride along. Go along with everything. If you want to follow your morals, then work is even harder than it is normally.

I have left a couple of places because I couldn't tolerate the moral side but it sounds like you "have" to work notice? Or can you leave early?

Your learning here is that you could have refused to have the meeting with 2.5ths to go - that’s why it’s called an exit interview. More suitable for your last week in post.

You now need to go back to the person that called the meeting and ask them what plans they can put into place to enable your notice period to be worked through with dignity at work - you should have one of these policies. And have some fun, call out your manager who is obviously not professional so call them out.

They fucked up by having the meeting so early and they've put you in a really unfair position.

FWIW, I think you were right to be honest. Albeit the timing was shit. Like @maffhew I was completely honest in my exit questionnaire - I spent my entire last day doing it and it was hugely cathartic! I didn't want my manager to continue to get away with being completely shit and I wanted to do what I could to try and change things for the colleagues I was leaving behind. Lying and saying it's all grand and you're only leaving for more money helps no one, but I can appreciate there are some industries where you might need to do this to protect yourself.

Honestly OP, I wish I'd just gone off sick when it all kicked off with my boss. That's what I'd suggest you do. Life's too short to be miserable because of work.

Thanks all. I've been mulling it over this morning.

This wasn't an exit interview that's yet to come! This was a meeting to look at my role, it's a key role, learning from my experiences and changes to be made to make it a more sustainable role for the next person.

My approach in that meeting was very measured. I concentrated on key points and backed up with examples....which were then disputed.

I'm not young, I'm certainly not inexperienced. I have got to the point where I've had enough. I have raised issues multiple times with nothing being done. This time I did it in front of my line managers own manager (there were multiple senior people in the room). I'm disappointed that it made no impact and that there wasn't actually an open and honest discussion.

I will remain professional and will do my best for our service users and my team. What I can't change I will have to let go. I will speak to our freedom to speak up guardian but nearer the end of my notice.

I don't think I was wrong to be honest in the meeting, I think I've been put in a difficult position as a result, that's learning for me. I'm still dreading Monday 😟

You’ve got a new job, so if you walk, what’s the worst that can happen?

3 months in a hostile environment with no support can really play havoc with your mental health.

Could you ask your line manager about the possibility of allowing you to leave earlier? To be honest, they don’t seem the kind of people you need to sacrifice yourself for to get a good reference. In fact, they may not give you one anyway.

Use your leave and if you are feeling really down, go in sick leave before it affects you so much you end up taking the trauma to your next job.

@Libertaire

You’ve got a new job, so if you walk, what’s the worst that can happen?

They can sue her for the cost of a replacement during the 2.5 months.

Don't do this OP.

Another vote for going off sick if possible. Back it up with a Not Fit for Work note having explained to your GP that you just cant cope.

I won't walk, I'm in quite a niche speciality and don't want to damage my own reputation for this organisation. I've already asked and been told they won't release me earlier. So I've got to get through this somehow. I won't make myself ill doing it though.

I had got my own massive to do list as I felt so guilty leaving my team and service users. That list will be scaled back on Monday.

I'd personally say, Well done you for going into the meeting and telling them exactly how it was, and why you're leaving. Of course they're not going to acknowledge it but I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of them thinking everything's OK or that the problem was yours, not theirs. And having told them how awful they were gives you closure at least.....nothing to lose, you've got a better job to go to already.

For the next couple of weeks, go in, do what you need to do, don't engage and hold your head high, then leave.
If you really can't hack it, just go off sick. What are they going to do now, anyway??

So interesting the different opinions on saying what you think at work!

I'm always of the view that if nothing is going to change then why bother saying anything when you're leaving? So that's really placing value on the outcome of the chat.

But I'm interested that lots of people get satisfaction by having their say, irrespective of whether anything changes or there is a good outcome. Something I hadn't considered before

Neither approach is right or wrong, just interesting to see different viewpoints!

I've had to do this. What I suggest is decide in something you want but wouldn't normally treat yourself with (whether that's in money or time) and promise yourself that you will get that when you finish this. As you have three months it might be worth having one 'big' thing at the end and then other smaller ones part way through. Doesn't have to cost a lot (or any) money but it does have to be something you'd normally feel guilty treating yourself with. Eg if your someone who is normally very strict on screen time, give your kids an extra hour and spend that hour doing something that is just for you, if you have a partner, have them 'babysit' whilst you do something just for you or decide you're going to buy that thing for yourself that you can afford but you feel is a waste of money because it's not for the family.

Find a visual reminder of what you've promised yourself. Keep you head down, do your job and try to let the shit bounce off you. When it gets hard, look at your visual reminder.

It's not a miracle cure but it certainly helped a lot. That and saying 'this to shall pass' to yourself a lot.

I think from here on you need to keep your head down and keep your opinions to yourself. Honestly nobody wants to hear them really, even if they say they do. Best thing to do once you have handed your notice in is keep quiet and wish everyone well. Management will, if they want to, work out if turnover is higher than they wish and will join the dots if three people leave in quick succession.

Pretty tough couple of weeks since my last post. I'm in the position now where I feel I can do little right. There's no support apart from the team I work with. I dread opening my mouth in meetings as I'm either dismissed or questioned. The questioning is relentless and I end up feeling like I'm being seen as defensive. I'm not it's just that they don't seem to hear what I'm saying and we go over the same ground multiple times.

I'm feeling pretty low and wondering how long I can keep this up. I'm using gray rock and have asked my manager to clarify the priority work to be completed during my last 2 months. Any other suggestions as to how I get through this?

Asking for your manager to clarify the work priorities is a good idea. Stick to that and do no more, no less. Try to care less if they dismiss you. Only put forward opinions, proposals or possible solutions only if specifically asked to, don't volunteer anything.

Once you have the priority list and have looked through it, make any other suggestions you can think of that makes your remaining time easier. For example, propose that you stop attending specific meetings, but giving a valid plausible reason, for example that as you are leaving your time is better spent finishing off existing work or that as you are going, it's better other people's ideas are considered and implemented not yours as you won't be there

Can you simply take a more neutral stance in meetings? So rather than present your opinion or proposal, just suggest options with pros and cons and leave the decision to them. Or when they argue back, point out that whilst it is your view/recommendation, you totally understand if they prefer to do something differently as after all "you won't be here soon and it will be their issue to manage and not my problem anymore" It takes away the opportunity for others to disagree and argue with you just for the sake of it. Plus makes it clear your are stepping back.

Today, I told someone who was arguing with me that 'to be honest, I don't feel strongly about this and it's not my decision to make. Whatever you decide is fine with me, I am just pointing out some of the issues". (I very nearly said 'I don't actually care' but resisted). It was very freeing. Grit teeth, you will get through it!

3 months notice.. blimey

I've been given one piece of work to complete as a priority. It's halfway done.
I've had a one to one at my request and assured that I'm here to work until I leave but that's all I have been given.
I've drawn back and don't really offer opinions unless it relates to my specialty. I'm still picked up on things and then the questions start. The sad thing is we have achieved a lot. But that's not recognised or acknowledged.
Another tough meeting in the diary today. I actually feel sick at the thought of it.

“Today, I told someone who was arguing with me that 'to be honest, I don't feel strongly about this and it's not my decision to make. Whatever you decide is fine with me, I am just pointing out some of the issues". (I very nearly said 'I don't actually care' but resisted). It was very freeing.”Grit teeth, you will get through it!
This is brilliant!

I feel for you, OP, having been in a similar position where I felt like the stag at bay in meetings.
You are also within your rights to go off sick with stress, feeling as you do, making sure that the reasons why are logged.
It sounds like workplace bullying, so you could keep a diary, and recap all the instances to date, to use in the exit meeting, if you decide to go. Or it can be sent to a manager or HR. Once bullying is mentioned, they might back off, particularly since there have been issues keeping staff previously.

Less arduous ways of coping include:
Have a temporary bout of sickness, to miss particularly horrible meetings.
Or a positive Covid test.
Or WFH as much as possible. (Especially now that plan B is in place) Then you can lose your internet links in shitty meetings, if you are interrogated and harried.
What can they do?

Hope the time passes swiftly…

@onemoredayplease how did you cope in the end? I'm now in a similar situation working a long notice in a toxic environment and I'm really struggling. Would love to know if you've any tips.

Morning. I'm afraid in the end I took sickness leave and never returned. I tried to remain professional and constructive. Tried to put a hand over plan in place etc but I was disregarded continually in a very undermining way. I could see the problems building as the steps I wanted to take where blocked and then the effects of this became apparent and handed to me to sort out.
It destroyed my physical and mental health. I battled on for far too long and I'm still recovering. I was ambitious and confident. I'm not anymore. I would get out. Take sickness leave if you can. No job is worth destroying yourself for.

Sorry- you asked for tips.
I made a plan for what I could realistically achieve during my notice and worked out the priorities. Delegated what I could.
I stopped attending some meetings as I wouldn't be there to complete actions. They wanted me out of them anyway so they could talk about me and make plans for my section.
I drew right back. Maintained good relationships with those I trusted and disclosed what was going on with one colleague so I had onsite support.
I made a handover plan
I created a legacy document for my replacement.
I wanted to maintain my professionalism even if they didn't.
If anyone asked why I was leaving I told the truth. The organisation had issues and it turned out many people were aware of them.
I also worked my hours and no more.

It's the sort of thing I would do then massively regret it because although they ask for feedback they never actually want it. Will probably have same problem with next person.

I'd just go as low profile as you can and get on with the job.

If you could leave/start new job early I would do that.