Does anyone else have a boss who constantly changes their mind?

[Spiceup]

We (the organisation) are currently working on a huge project, new to all of us. It's public sector and in theory the local aurhority are leading it, but the reality is we have a lot of input and a lot to do, much of it will fall to me to manage, if not to do.

My boss is a control freak, there are decisions I'm perfectly capable of making and defending, but if it's not exactly what she would have done you get undermined and have to do it again. So, there are lots of decisions I need from her. She's really easily distracted and it's hard to get her to focus long enough to give firm answers.

4 weeks ago we had a long session, I made detailed notes and sent her a copy confirming everything we'd agreed.

Today I proudly delivered exactly what she asked for, having spent hours and hours working on it, formulated a plan involving several different staff and distributed tasks accordingly.

No, that's not what she wants anymore.

I am this close (as they say) to asking for a work related stress sick note and going sick until it's all over.

I'd be devastated to actually do it, but all I know from today is that what she did want isn't what she wants anymore. I haven't managed to get her to tell me categorically what it is she does want and I have to start from scratch, I don't know what needs doing and the deadline is getting ever closer. Plus I have to tell all the other staff they wasted their time too.

How on earth do you manage this?. I'm used to it over little things and try not to let it bother me e.g. I actually don't feel confident that I could choose the colour of a file without being told it's wrong, but this feels like the final straw. I had checked and double checked what she wanted.

It's ridiculous I'm actually a well qualified senior professional.

That's terrible. Put absolutely everything in writing and write what she's said to you. What a complete waste of your time.

There's no dispute, she agrees we'd agreed what needed doing, she's just talked to a few people since then and changed her mind.

Did she tell you immediately she changed her mind, though?

Well yes, she'd obviously spent some time thinking about it but it was only as we were going through what I'd done that she "decided" she now wants something else (what it is is anyone's guess!)

My old boss was Exhibit A in this behaviour. He was a control nut, very authoritarian, but also so busy & forgetful he'd swear black was white one week & when you managed to pin him down the next week (or month, or year..yes it was that bad) then black was suddenly red. Infuriating, exasperating, time-wasting, disrespectful...but he was so much vested in being Absolutely Right in All Things as the boss, he wouldn't take feedback from the rest of us (we were treated like naughty children, not highly qualified professionals). Sorry I can't suggest any magic solution, just I feel your pain. My boss stressed me out to the max, especially when he applied the same denial/change of mind to much of his promises including sorting out a bullying senior colleague which he claimed never to have a conv w me about (reader - he had & I had email evidence which I delighted in sending to our head of dept!)
I'd say if you cant gwt her spec in writing, and/or unless her boss is interested in dealing w her behaviour in causing the project to be massively behind, you either have to ride it out or look for another job. I should've quit well before my health was seriously affected, if I could go back & change one thing that would be it.

You don't work with me do you?! Someone senior I work with is like this...you get a scant outline of what's needed, you struggle to get any time with them to get them to tell you what it is they want, most of the time they don't know until you actually deliver what was agreed on and then they decide that wasn't what they wanted, oh no how could you ever have misunderstood so badly, what I really wanted was this, surely that's obvious?!

I know exactly what you mean about choosing a file, I used to have confidence in my own professional judgment but after several years of this I second guess every decision I make and refer a lot of things upwards that really I should be able to make a call on myself. But if I don't make exactly the same call they would have made, its wrong.

It is often better to just move on and find another job. Useless bosses can have a terrible impact on you, so do not let it get to that point.

Senor I'm sorry that you & the OP have this. It's terrible management to take experienced professionals & effectively de-skill them & make them less confident. I'm so annoyed by companies that spend money on so much but promote people to be managers without thinking it necessary to train them to be good ones & adequately provide oversight to monitor their performance. (Adequate being 'talk to the team they manage & don't take their word for how well things are going'. Too many bosses get to mark their own homework.)

Get another job. She won’t change and it will drive you mad. Give it a few years and these dinosaurs will have died out.

My boss is like this. A complete micromanager and a master at rewriting history.

No advice, I want to leave but I’m pregnant and have 5 months until I go on maternity leave. Can’t afford to quit with unexpected baby on the way and no other job to go to - I’m sure this is part of the reason why he’s being such a knob, because he knows I don’t have any options for the next few months. If you can get out I would.

Yes I have mine too. So frustrating.
Very, very fussy but doesn't really explain what he wants properly then complains.

I get anxious when he asks me to do anything.

@Dollywilde I’ve been in your exact position but I did end up leaving which at the time felt like the most stupid decision ever…but I couldn’t have survived until maternity leave. It’s worked out well now though and I’ve since learned that she’s burned through replacement staff at a rate of knots so I’m sure she’ll get a reputation for it soon. And yes, she used to do what OP has detailed constantly to me :(

@Pinkstegosaurus I’m so glad it worked out well for you - I definitely agree that these people will show themselves in the end, it just takes time but if you stay too long it can destroy you

My goal at the moment is to get to my qualifying week for SMP and then see… small steps

I don't feel any better this morning. I'm "wfh" because tbh I don't trust myself to be in the office without an outburst.

I'm still tempted to ask to be signed off for a while, but I know at least 2 of the people "under" me are also feeling the pressure of this project but atm are protected by the worst of this nonsense by me. One will definitely go sick if I do, he lives on his nerves at the best of times and has already had time off for the "stomach bugs" that only seem to happen when things are getting on top of him.

When we met as I was putting this plan together, he thanked me. It was such a relief to have someone make it feel more manageable. Now I have to tell him it's back to the drawing board.

If I go off, allowing this thing to crash and burn I don't think I could ever go back.

All the best to you @Dollywilde, it’s a tough one!

@Spiceup apologies if you’ve attempted this already, but would you have a proper sit down with your boss and lay it all out as you have here? Say that you need clearer communication in future as it’s demotivating you and your team?