Anxiety about sending messages and emails at work

[sociallyanxiousss]

At work, we are still mainly working from home and so I am in constant communication with colleagues through Teams chats, meetings and emails.

I have always been quite anxious about sending messages, even when texting my friends I will read and reread my messages before I send them in case they come off in the wrong way.

At work, my anxiety is quite bad. I had to send a simple group message to around 7 colleagues and it took me 10 minutes as I was completely over-thinking and over-analysing what I had written.

Emails to clients are the worst for me. Sometimes I can spend up to an hour agonising over them, opening and reopening attachments to check I've sent the right documents over, rewording the email several times, checking and double checking I've sent it to the right people. It will be once I've logged off in the evening or when I'm on my lunch break and relaxing that my heart will drop and I will panic I've made a mistake, so I have to log back on and quickly check everything is ok. It's exhausting.

I feel guilty that my employer has hired someone who takes so long doing these simple things, and I will work late to make up the time I wasted worrying over messages and emails. I'm still in my probation and don't feel comfortable mentioning it to my manager just yet.

I feel really embarrassed, but does anyone have any advice?

Just an idea for the practical side of things, which won't cure the underlying anxiety but may lessen the impact on your life...

You know how sometimes when people panic that they didn't lock the door when they go out, for example, and the advice is to take a picture so you don't keep second guessing yourself? I wonder if you could do something similar, like a little OneNote list with tickboxes: correct attachments; correct recipients; grammar checked. When you physically tick each one off, it may help to sort of lock it in your mind that it's done and you won't feel the anxious need to go back and check?

Also, of course - even if you do make one of those mistakes, it's ok! It doesn't matter. But I'm sure you know that intellectually.

Great suggestion by PP about having a standard checklist.
This will help you to speed up and feel more in control

Check list is a great idea. I also have several template emails where I just swap out the attachment and delete the forward bit from the subject line then amend the sending list and wording.

I had this last year following a promotion. I realised I had to do something about it when I was waking in the night and having to log on and check is sent an email to the correct person. This was a symptom of anxiety and I went to the Dr and was prescribed sertraline which helped massively.

If you use Outlook you can set a rule to delay sending by however many minutes you choose. Then if you realise you’ve sent an email to the wrong person you can go into your outbox within that timeframe and delete it. Not a total solution, but it helps.

@Namechangedyetagainandagain

If you use Outlook you can set a rule to delay sending by however many minutes you choose. Then if you realise you’ve sent an email to the wrong person you can go into your outbox within that timeframe and delete it. Not a total solution, but it helps.

This is my favourite feature. Cured my email anxiety completely.

Watching with interest as I'm exactly the same.
I read everything multiple times and keep checking that I'm sending the email to the correct person and that I've attached the right documents. I open the attachments, satisfy myself that they're the right ones and still check them several more times before I actually send the email. I normally save emails in my drafts folder so I can do even more checks before sending them. It's exhausting.

That delay trick is such a great idea!
I tend to save them in my drafts folder if I'm unsure so I can check another time with fresh eyes.

I often have to send things to hundreds of recipients at a time and have been known to wake up in the night suddenly gripped by fear that Ive accidentally called the Chief Exec a dickhead or similar

That doesn’t really help, I know, but I feel your pain! I like the checklist idea too.

Gosh I'm exactly the same. I already do delayed emails, checklists etc and I think they actually add to my anxiety. One thing I that does help is getting everything written, attachments sorted etc and then do something different for 10 mins and come back to, check it all again and press send.

Though I think based on HiveQueens post Im going to talk to GP.

It potentially sounds like a form of OCD with the focus being work emails and messages rather than the better known things (like cleaning /switches). OCD can respond well to cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). You can self refer in many parts of the country - but worth speaking to your GP.

I have anxiety, in my job when I have to pack kids bags I HAVE to treble check I’ve put the right stuff in the right kids bags. Drives me batshit as I know it’s all fine properly the first time! It’s just me I cannot not check. No one minds well if they do I couldn’t give a shit

I'm the same if I have to send sensitive information. Which I frequently have to do.

Ive heard aboit the delay feature bit not sure why it helps. Doesn't it just delay the panic.

I think the delay feature just gives you a bit of breathing space, so you've got 30 minutes, or whatever, to recheck the email if you need to

Thank you all! I expected to get replies telling me I was in the wrong job and not up to it, glad to know I'm not the only one with anxiety about this!

I have made checklists before and they do help, but I still go through the checklist repeatedly, still checking over and over again not trusting that I have covered every aspect in the checklist.

I even do it with Teams messages to colleagues, even something simple where I know I won't be judged for having a typo or wording it poorly, as our Teams chats are always fast paced and casually written

I will add the delay feature to my emails, I had not heard about that before

I think I also may go to my GP. This level of anxiety occurs in other aspects of my life too, but I think having a concrete example with the emails will help me explain to the GP how I feel/act

Another one who has this kind of anxiety. I do know that repeatedly checking makes it worse and I did have therapy on the telephone for this kind of thing during the lockdown.

@goodwinter

Just an idea for the practical side of things, which won't cure the underlying anxiety but may lessen the impact on your life...

You know how sometimes when people panic that they didn't lock the door when they go out, for example, and the advice is to take a picture so you don't keep second guessing yourself? I wonder if you could do something similar, like a little OneNote list with tickboxes: correct attachments; correct recipients; grammar checked. When you physically tick each one off, it may help to sort of lock it in your mind that it's done and you won't feel the anxious need to go back and check?

The danger is this may fuel the anxiety - reassure can make things worse.

OP have you sought help for your anxiety at all?

@blackcatclub No, I've been putting it off for literally years. I have had anxiety for probably my entire life, but the source of the anxiety varies. At the moment, it's mainly work-related which I think I would find easier to talk about with a GP than some of my previous worries.

Allow yourself to check it once as a proper proof read then that’s it.
I can be like this and even if you do make a mistake it’s not the end of the word.

I am the same - I never used to be like this but I've become obsessed with not wanting to make a mistake so re-check so many times it takes up so much time!

A check list sounds like a good idea such as:

Proof read email
Check attachment
Send

Tick it once and once is enough .. I'm gonna to try it!