I've been a sahm for 6 years. Couldn't afford childcare to go back any sooner as earning minimum pay meant the nursery costs where more than my wages, so now schools started ive tried to go back.
I have mental health issues.. mostly anxiety and panic disorder and I take a high daily dose of medication to help make me feel more at ease, but it was getting to the point where I wasn't leaving the house.
A chat with DH meant the plan was I would go back to work to 'get me out of the house, have something to do'. I quickly found a job as a domestic in a nursing home, only temporary until Feb, 25 hours a week so I started there. There was a high turnover of staff as people started and left due to the bad working conditions, the boss was quite unpleasant telling me to work faster even tho my colleague left and I was doing her job too. Never being able to take my half hour unpaid break after working 5+ hours flat out. One of the residents is quite challenging and no help was offered in how to enter their room to clean, I was just told to get on with it. After about 6 weeks I just wanted desperately to leave, but agreed with DH it's better to get a job from a job.. so I struggled in, secret crying in the toilets when the abuse and workload got to much for me. I don't sleep at night, everything goes through my head if I think I've made a mistake or forgotten to do something, just constant worry and mental images from the day on repeat and it's very draining. I get headaches and feel sick.
I got an interview for a health care assistant job, they offered it to me 30 hours a week and I said yes and same day gave notice to the care home. I'm due to start the new job next week and I'm dreading it.vive had a few chats with the manager and they have told me about all the training I need to do, how I will have lots of responsibility, interaction with people. I did my health and social care degree before my kids, so they keep telling me how I will be able to use all my skills etc ...
I'm dreading it, stress, pressure, expectation dont go well with my anxiety. 6 months ago I struggled to go to the supermarket, now I'm supposed to assist an advanced nurse providing clinical assistance, direct patient care and contact and I feel so unable to do it. I said yes as I wanted to leave my horrible job but I didn't think of will I be able to do this.
My job was just supposed to be a bit of extra money for treats, holidays, things for the house. Now I'm being told aren't I lucky I will now have a career, but it all feels far to much with my anxiety struggles which I've had for about 5 years.
I just want to cry. I wish I'd said in my old job at least I could cope just about and actually get into work each day.
Any advise please to make this nightmare better is greatly accepted.