Advice please: going back FT, nursery available PT only

[Catz]

sorry v. long post but I'd really appreciate some advice.

I've been planning to go back FT in April after maternity leave, DD (1st child) will be 9 months. We have her name down for a nursery at DH's employer. It is really popular and has a waiting list of 300! By putting her down as soon as we saw the blue line we've somehow got to the top of the list. Even so they've said there's no chance of FT in April but they can offer me 2 days then and FT in Sep. Have to decide by Fri otherwise we lose the offer and go to the bottom of the list!

We really want DD to go there. We really like it and it's subsidised so is about half the cost of other nurseries. I?m trying to decide what to do. As far as I can see it I have 4 options:

1. try to go part time till Sep (which we can afford but will probably kill my career and my contract ends in 18 months);
2. try and arrange some other kind of childcare for the other 3 days (but I am very worried about introducing her to two new environments at once)
3. Put her in another nursery till Sep and then switch (which sounds unfair when she has just settled)
4. Try to ?work from home? 3 days till Sep (which will probably give me the worst of both worlds ? inefficient work and poor quality time with DD ? unless I can find some kind of care where someone comes to the house and I?m upstairs)

Oh and grandparents work full time and don?t live nearby

Not sure what to do as have no experience of any of the above. Help!

You and DH both work a 4 day week and one of you also does one day a week from home? I think most jobs can be done as a 4 day week without killing your career.
Or try and find a childminder instead (possible better for this age anyway????).
Don't know really, just suggestions.

I'd look at alternative care for the other 3 days until September. At 9 months LO is young and should settle in different settings.

Cant see working 3 days a week from home plus baby working and cant imagine your employer would be happy with that arrangement either.

I would try and negotiate 4 days per week and use 2 lots of childcare and would recommend a childminder rather than 2 nurseries especially at 9 months.

Find a full time nursery - much, much simpler for you than fannying around with different childcare providers.

If you're really set on that particular nursery, ( and it sounds wonderful!)I'd take the two days offered. After all, that will be your dd's environment in Sept, so it's probably good to start getting her used to it. I'd make alternative arrangements (CM, another nursery) til Sept. At this age, children are wonderfully flexible and adaptable, more so actually than when they're a bit older, which is why I recommend getting her into your long term nursery now, rather than using another one full time and then having to make a complete change come Sept. I wouldnt recommend trying to work from home - it just won't be fair to you or your dd, and I doubt your employer would agree anyway without a proper childcare system set up.

God what a nightmare. you're getting loads of different options, is that awful too???

TBH i always recommend the same thing on these threads, which is employing a nanny and sharing the nanny with another family if this makes it affordable.

But if you are certain about the nursery, then I think both of you going for 4 days until Sept is a good one. Also when DH makes his request, he could make clear to his manager that it is the pressure on nursery places that is driving the request - they might even decide to expand a little. For the fifth day, could one of the grandparents go to 4 days too, just til Sept? If not, then I'd go for a CM or nanny for 1 day.

Very best of luck

This happened to us - we reserved a ft place in DD's nursery for me to return to work when she was 9 months old only to find that I didn't go back to my old job and didn't find another job for another 6 months, by which time our nursery could only offer a pt place.

I kept her on the list and trudged around other nurseries/cms often bursting into tears with the frustration of it all. When it came to it, they did some jigging around the week before I was due to start so DD got her ft place.

So I suppose what I'm saying (in my long-winded way!) is to take the place that's being offered and book another as a back-up and then beg your first choice to pull as many strings to try to extend the hours when she's there.

Work from home in inverted commas means what?

How precisely will you be able to work from home whilst in sole care of your child?

I feel quite strongly about this because there are lots of people who work from home for all sorts of good and valid reasons and really do do lots of real proper work.

q'cento there's quite a long description of working from home without additional childcare in How Not To Be The Perfect Mother by libby purves. The idea makes me feel quite pale, but clearly some people do manage it, it requires incredible concentration and motivation IMO but I can just about imagine it being possible for a while if it were the only option.

get a childminder for the other days

in response to the op, assuming that p/t is not really an option, find a childminder!!
we have combined a nursery, cm and some grandparent fill-ins with our 3 DC and they have totally thrived on it. Obv i chose to do this for DC2&3 after the success with number 1. As long as the days of the week mean the same each week - EG monday minder, Tues nursery, wed nursery etc, the child knows exactly what to expect. If you are really worried about introducing them to two places at once (understandable) then get a place with childminder for Jan and build it up from 1 day a week starting in the new year, you will be up to two days or so bu the time that "settling in" visits for the workplace nursery come around.
HTH.

Many thanks for all the replies I'm going to talk to work later and see how they react to various options.

Just one question. Quite a few of you said that they are 'very adaptable at this age'. Part of the reason I'm worried about it was because plenty of people had said to me that they started to get really clingy at 9 months and that it'd be difficult to settle her after being at home for her life to date. The only friends I have with babies are really those I've made on maternity leave so I don't really know any 9 month olds. Should I really not be that worried about the adaptable thing?

Thanks again for the replies - I will look at them more closely just now

Hmm, clinginess. My ds did get very clingy at around 18 months - I think a lot do have a clingy patch at 9/10 months - but even so, the worst we had was about 4 mornings when he cried as I left him with the nanny. don't think it wasn't awful, but just as I'd decided to give up work and live on potatoes, he suddenly seemed absolutely cool with it again.

You may well have a difficult patch, and it is up to you how much of a patch you are willing to tolerate for him. It also depends how you feel about the environment he is going to, his key worker etc. I felt like death during the 2.5 weeks when ds went to a different childcare setting I wasn't happy with, even though he seemed OK. As soon as I had the right childcare setting, everything settled down (it's ending at Christmas after over 3 years of stability ), despite the odd clingy morning.

I don't think that was much help, hope someone else has some clingy information!

oh btw catz, i spotted you on the Oxford Local site... i may well be employing a full-time nanny for January and will be looking for people to share the cost with... let me know if you're interested!

Catz, some babies are certainly clingy at this age. I have a couple of friends whose babies started nursery at around 9 months and it took them a while (as in a month or two) to really settle in. Others have been fine. I think the majority of babies are very adaptable at 5/6 months, but by 9 months they may be easy going or very clingy.
A lot of babies also catch a fair few bugs when they start nursery, so have a think about whether you or DH is going to pick DD up and take time off when she has colds and stuff.

If your employer alows you to do three days from home then a 3 day a week nanny would be good. She can be downstairs or take baby out and you can pop down and see her whenever; might be nicer for both of you to get to see each other during the day, as it can be very tough to go five days without seeing her cute face, except evenings and morings of course.

Just from the nursery angle Catz it is worth taking up the PT offer if you really like it they may be able to offer you more. Why not accept & make it clear to the nursery you are desperate for more days /FT, they may have someone drop out between now & Sept also look around for a short-term childminder/nanny as long as you were honest about the situation you might find someone keen to have a short term mindee. (if they have been let down by someone else maybe?)

If you have a foot in the door as it were they're more likely to give you first refusal of any extra days should they come up & peoples RTW plans change all the time.

Good Luck!

You may find that, although the nursery has said that there won't be a FT place until September, they may have a cancellation. If your DD is already attending part time you will be probably be offered the extra three days.

X post with bossybritches.

S'ok Bauble we're bound to crop up on the same threads aren't we?

Many thanks for the messages. I've talked to work and they've suggested that I take the place, see if a full time nursery place comes up in the meantime and work out what to do with the other three days nearer the time. I can go part time if I need to. I've accepted the place at nursery.

Thinking about it and looking at your advice I think I'll try to get a nanny or similar to come to the house for at least some of the rest of the time. Actually work seem pretty chilled about me working form home three days without childcare - the only work that needs me to be available in a particular place/time I can do in the two days.

We had this really bizarre conversation. I asked if they would let me go part time if I couldn't get extra help. My boss said "well lets pay you full time anyway and see what happens". I said "well I'm pretty sure I'd not be able to work full time if I didn't have help and anyway I'd want to be able to go out without feeling guilty." My boss said "well you've worked more than you're paid to for ages so it doesn't matter if you have a few months of being paid for more than you're doing"! This is actually true - I've not answered this thread for a few days because I'm writing a presentation for a conference for work and I'm on maternity leave - but all the same I think I'd feel guilty all the time. Nice position to be in but slightly odd to be arguing with your boss that you should be paid less!

choosyfloosy - thanks for the suggestion of nanny share. I might well be interested but, as you can see from above, we'll probably not make a decision about it for a couple of months. I guess that might be too late for you but otherwise we could have a chat about it...

(You're not in Eaton are you? A RL friend has told me about a friend who is also looking to nanny share and lives there)