Work politics paranoia or not?

[TinyTroubleMaker]

I think I may have discovered the line manager I've had for more than a year, that I thought was supportive, reasonable, had my back and my teams back.. Has actually been telling her own boss a completely different story. If so it's been done so subtly, cleverly in fact that I'm only just seeing it and in a way that's a bit impressive, but also really horrible and toxic.

My misgivings started recently when I seemed to go from being in favour just like everyone else on the team, to being at the receiving end of reasonably sharp critical remarks in front of other team members. Then I became reasonably aware our line manager was criticising my performance in a certain area directly to other team members. On both counts because of something that someone much more senior had decided to do, that she thought I should have somehow controlled. Then in meeting with her boss, I suddenly got the impression I was viewed in a negative light while at the same time my boss was seen as 'long suffering'. Our team is not difficult to manage, if anything a team of reasonably mature, consummate professionals. So the comments were odd.

I feel I'm slipping into suspicion and paranoia, yet there is something there. But even if there is I'm not sure what I can do about it. Luckily my line manager is due to go on a year's secondment elsewhere quite soon. However if I'm already viewed in a bad light by others I'm worried it might not end there. I'm worried for my job security, it's unsettling. I suffer with quite severe anxiety anyway - not wishing to drip feed. What do I do, if anything - I'm worried I've been undermined but I don't know how or to who. I work my arse off, I'm no shirker but I'm not perfect I recognise that. I'm really no good at politics and manipulation myself.

I know this all sounds a bit vague, I don't want to give too many specifics on MN.

I am sorry I can't offer any useful advise, but I would like to follow as something similar is happening to me. In my case it is not a manager but a team member slightly junior to me but been there longer. Always nice to my face, no complaints, but obviously bad mouthing me to senior management, in a way which they take on board as fact. Very toxic and difficult to manage. I can empathise with the anxiety as I never know where the next 'issue' will come from.

I’m also not sure what to say, it’s unclear what’s being said, why you are viewed in a bad light or how much your anxiety is to do with this,

I've worked with people like this. It totally messes with your head - it can seem so subtle and others fail to notice it but as you say it is absolutely toxic. Good she is moving on. I really recognise the feeling of paranoia, it can be all consuming. Have you got any allies that you can confide in at work? It can be tricky in situations like this but feeling isolated makes it much worse.

Hmm, your manager really wouldn't do herself any favours by criticising you to her manager and presenting herself as "long-suffering". A decent manager deals with performance issues, a crappy manager just puts up with them.

Are you sure this isn't just paranoia?

When I started in my current role, I was given access to the email of the person that held the role.

She had deleted loads of stuff (she left on bad terms) I was looking for something in her email and came across several emails where she was placing blame on lots of things on one team member. This team member is actually friends with her outside work.

In my first proper meeting with the MD, he asked me what I thought of the team and was pleasantly surprised by my feedback about this team member.

What ended up happening from what I can gather, the person who held my role blamed everything on one team member. But, eventually, it was pointed out that if a team member is so poor, why aren't they being managed.

If your manager is complaining about you and acting like a long suffering manager, her boss should be questioning what she is doing about it and wanting to see evidence of steps she has taken. Really, this should reflect poorly on them.

Hopefully, when they go on secondment, your new manager will come in with fresh eyes and give a different, more positive view.

Something similar happened to me. I was the star performer (in my manager’s words) in our team and I was definitely the most knowledgable. She actually told me that I was critical and over her dead body would they get rid of me.

Except over a period of time, she supported me less and less while allowing other people in the team to undermine me. I tried repeatedly to address it but was told I was imagining it, that I was doing stuff wrong and suddenly any mistake I made, no matter how trivial, was A Big Problem, so I always felt like I was trying to defend myself.

I was then given an unjustifiably bad annual review and threatened with a performance plan. I knew I hadn’t done anything to warrant it but any attempt I made to try and talk about it with my manager had her stonewalling me, saying I was paranoid etc. while listing everything she thought I’d done wrong. The whole thing was soul destroying and I suffered depression, anxiety and stress (MN full house there).

They clearly wanted to be able to sack me (no reason, plus I’d been there 12 years) or make my life so miserable I’d leave but ended up having to ‘make me redundant’.

Anyway, long story short, on the face of it, it sounds like they might want you out so gird your loins.

Thank you. I've found myself starting to scan jobs boards. At the same time I've been so happy in this role, I thought I was supported. I've put my heart and soul into my work and the purple I work with directly are very appreciative (actually this is one of the things she is criticising me for I think, that I go above and beyond). It's quite crushing. I don't have a partner but do have children, so I'm starting to become anxious about paying the mortgage, and if you have anxiety you will know it's not ready to just switch that off or figure out what's real.

I'm going to try to switch off over the weekend. Would be interested to hear from the politically savvy, what you do in a situation like this. I can see how doing my job by the book might protect me in the short term. And certain HR protections are there. But if someone wants you out I guess they find a way.

Looking at the jobs boards is a good idea as it will give you some control in this situation. Good luck OP.

@TinyTroubleMaker: what level of job is it, what kind of sector?

Can you join a union now (if you need support you have to have been a member 6 maths plus), & document everything. I was previously bullied at work, getting my ducks in a row/making things hard for them helped me

Sorry you’re going through this. I had a similar situation a few years ago. I found a better role and moved on, hopefully you will too, but following for tips.

@TinyTroubleMaker: in your shoes I would

• build allies across the organisation
• document any negative comments
• challenge any criticism
• be ready to get lawyered up if need be
• think about pros & cons of a job move (within organisation or outside)
• definitely get support: a friend/coach/counsellor: anyone who can help y think it though and spot patterns

Unless you have a tendency/are over sensitised as bullied in past, I would paid attention to that ‘off’ feeling

I recommend you read Snakes in Suits. It's a real eye opener. When it happened to me I was absolutely baffled, but then I spotted a pattern with previous colleagues who had left in quick succession. One of them rang me as they'd heard a discussion about corporate psychopaths. It was spot on and really helped me to come to terms with what had been done to me.

Discussion on the radio that should have said.

OP, I think that your judgment is sound and you have zero paranoia.

You are not paranoid. I experience this in my last job after a change in management.

A word of advice: Under absolutely no circumstances go and seek advice or guidance from your HR Department. I made this mistake and it ended up costing me my job.

The HR advisor instantly notified my manager and then held pre and post meetings with my boss, every time I saw her (she insisted on multiple follow up meetings). Then I was summoned to a series of meeting with both of them and made to feel like a criminal. At this point, I realised that my boss was gaslighting me and the HR advisor was taking her word over mine due to her superiority. Six months later my boss basically restructured the department and I was forced to take redundancy.

@TinyTroubleMaker, my experience was similar to @Charlize43's

Change of managers, I fell out of favour, and was badly bullied
Seniors closed ranks to protect own jobs
HR knew about bullying but protected senior management

The sharp remarks etc are the start: if you can really start thinking about your plan (to either transfer or preferably get a new job)

I had a 'reprieve' when my LM went on mat leave, but the whole situation dragged on for 3 years, I wish I'd left as soon as it started (when I still had my confidence intact)

It really is a job seekers market at the moment: would you consider moving on?

Sadly I've seen and been through this at lease once . My tolerance for it now is zilch, it's like a traumatic experience that stays with you. My advice is always to trust your instinct and if you can to change jobs. It's so unfair.

I think you should trust your gut. I'm not sure what sector you're in, but it happens all the time in teaching.

I went from critical to the school to slowly slowly not needed anymore. I successfully mentored less experienced staff to take over my areas of responsibility but could never get promoted to SLT. It was done so subtly that everyone I spoke to thought I was paranoid and overreacting. I left in the end and when I did (after ten years) nobody organised a card or anything so I knew that I had been right all along.

It completely crushed me in the end and I doubted everything I'd been doing. But I've found a new job where I am respected and praised and it's made me appreciate what a good job I do again. But it has made me much less trusting of SLT and much less eager to go above and beyond. I am watching other team members in my new school in the same position that I was in in my last one and it's heartbreaking for them.

OP you should get out while you can.

Why is your LM going on secondment? Are you sure that she Is not the one being managed out or sideways moved? Im not saying she hasnt done what you suspect but do the senior management believe her or see it for what it is?

Perhaps the secondment is a way of getting rid of a poor manager, and that their manager has identified that they are very good at being long suffering (moaning) but aren’t doing their job well if they don’t tackle any performance issues as a development item first or even avoid dealing with it full stop. It’s a possibility that they are moving the problem, but obviously can’t tell you that, and are dressing up the reason as a secondment to help move things along. I’d see what it is like after the manager has moved on, if you can bear it in the meantime.

@Charlize43

You are not paranoid. I experience this in my last job after a change in management.

A word of advice: Under absolutely no circumstances go and seek advice or guidance from your HR Department. I made this mistake and it ended up costing me my job.

The HR advisor instantly notified my manager and then held pre and post meetings with my boss, every time I saw her (she insisted on multiple follow up meetings). Then I was summoned to a series of meeting with both of them and made to feel like a criminal. At this point, I realised that my boss was gaslighting me and the HR advisor was taking her word over mine due to her superiority. Six months later my boss basically restructured the department and I was forced to take redundancy.

Yes because HR are on the side of management; the union is on your side.

Does anyone actually believe HR is on the employees side?