I’m going to try to explain this as best as I can, without giving away too many outing details. I have a job interview next week which is causing me nothing but stress, to the point that I wish I’d never seen the bloody advert in the first place.
I work in a fairly niche sector which has been badly affected by both Brexit and the pandemic. There are currently high-level reviews happening about the future of this industry and there will likely be widespread redundancies. I love my job and my profession. I have undertaken significant amounts of study and additional qualifications to get myself to a senior position and having all of this taken away from me absolutely terrifies me. Not least because I’m simply not qualified for any job and would have to take a significant wage decrease to join any other industry.
A job recently came up at what is effectively the head office/governing body for our industry. This is a very very senior post. Until recently I had thought I had reached the highest level available to me but when I saw this job ad, it looked like the day to day work was much the same as what I am doing, but being paid a significant mount more. I was really intrigued by the job and decided to go for it. I really wasn’t sure what the outcome would be but I have been offered an interview which I have accepted. I was also at an event last week which was attended by the person in charge of everything. Although I’ve been in her presence before, she has never acknowledged me. This time she gave me a wink and told me I had submitted a very impressive application. This is obviously amazing but I’m having proper cold feet about the whole thing.
The positives to taking on this role (if I were to be offered after the interview) are obviously the money, but beyond that, it’s about (hopeful) increased job security given the climate I’ve noted above. I feel that the very fact this post has been advertised, and advertised as a permanent post, is an indication that there is a long term commitment to it. In contrast, at my level, any posts needing recruited to are being advertised on a temporary basis only as we don’t know what the future holds. Furthermore, I have felt constrained for a while, in my current role and level. The idea therefore of being part of the ultimate decision making process and driving strategies and initiatives really appeals to me. On paper the job sounds genuinely exciting.
On the other hand, I worry about the additional responsibilities which will come with a higher-level job. At present I work around 10-15 hours unpaid overtime per week but have made this work. I have caring responsibilities for elderly parents and also need downtime for my own mental health. I worry that a higher level post will result in more overtime and upset the balance I have cultivated. Recently, I am aware that another of the senior posts within the organisation was fired for not achieving enough – the general view though is that he was a scapegoat to cover up a bad decision made by the Directors which he then had to implement - and I’m worried that I’d have to keep up a level of dynamism to keep safe. This might not be a level I can easily keep up in my current menopausal, brainfogged, constantly tired, state. Crucially, I am aware that senior level posts like this one, in this governing body organisation, tend to have a worrying level of turnover. The person I’d be replacing has been off sick with stress for over 18 months before finally quitting. He was only in the role for a month or two beforehand. There are other managers also off sick at the moment. Over the past year or two, there have been numerous attempts at restructuring the organisation at the senior level. Everything seems to change every 3-4 months. I don’t want to leave my lovely team for a toxic atmosphere but neither do I want to run headlong into redundancy and financial hardship for my family.
I’d like to ask a question during the interview along the lines of “from my current positon in the industry, there is a perception that there is high staff turnover and frequent change within this organisation. Could you please address this – let me know if this is true and, if so, what is being done to combat the problem and increase staff satisfaction, or, if not, why do you think it appear this way to those of us outside the (body)”? Do you think this sounds ok to too blunt and confrontational?
My mum and my sister have already expressed concerns, both thinking a work too many long hours as it is and don’t think I should be aiming for a more senior post. Obviously mum is worried about the care I give her and DSis is worried that more responsibility will land on her. I do understand their concerns and although there are alarms bells ringing in my head, there is also the fact that the job does look genuinely exciting.
The other issue causing me stress is that the interview will centre on a 20 minute presentation. I haven’t yet been provided the title of the presentation and I’m starting to get nervous. As I’ve said, I provide a great deal of care for my parents and I’m about to spend 10 days with them (which I’ve taken as annual leave from current job). As it happens, I will get back home on the morning of the interview so that will work out fine. My parents don’t have wi-fi and live quite remotely and I’m aware that I’ll be needed 24/7 to provide care – my dad has just had a major operation so I’m going out to be there when he is discharged from hospital. If I don’t get the presentation topic in the next 48 hours, I’m screwed – there is no way I’ll be able to prepare this otherwise. The interview panel include some extremely high-level figures and I’m worried now that a bad or underprepared interview will have a negative effect in the long run, when they make decisions about the future of my current role. Withdrawing at this point could have a similar effect.
I haven't slept the last few nights worrying about this and would appreciate the support and wisdom of wise MNetters. I don’t even know what I’m asking here. Just wanted to get all my worries out in the open instead of bottled up inside.