I think my Manager is trying to "fix" me

[TheBeesKnee]

During my mid term review my (new-ish) manager said that a point of development for me was to "build confidence" and "step up more at short notice".

As far as I'm aware, this stems from me putting my foot down and refusing to step in to cover a meeting for a colleague who is often off sick for one reason or another. That's a separate issue, but they causes me huge levels of stress and anxiety because they will miss deadlines and I'll have to take on their work.

With this particular incident, I had 3 hours notice (including one 1-hr meeting and a long l lunch break), and had done no prep for the meeting. I didn't want to embarrass myself by turning up and winging it, so it was rearranged and I ended up leading that meeting. I had to run 2 reports and make notes on talking points and things that needed to be changed as preparation. That's not something I could have done on the fly.

I asked whether there were any other examples he could give me and he gave a general brush off about not wanting to dwell on the past and negative things (!) but that he knew I was capable and wished I had the confidence to reflect my skills

I do think I have confidence issues, but I don't think that being put on the spot to lead a meeting I am not prepared for is the way to address it. I also don't think I'm paid enough, nor am I senior enough, to be expected to act like this but I haven't said anything about that.

Now, my issue is that he has started sending me "urgent" requests at 9am, over lunch, and at the end of the day. I didn't think much of this until this morning, when he emailed me a list of talking points at 9:05 for a meeting which started at 9am. This meeting is a monthly update where team leaders provide updates. I'm a junior member of staff. He was deputising for our team leader, gave a long update, then passed over to me.

I'm really annoyed about this. Firstly, it's not the done thing for people at my level to provide updates. Secondly, I suspect that he's trying to spring "last-minute" situations on me to force me to step up I emailed him after the meeting asking if that's what he was doing and he just made a joke about sharing the misery because he had to cover for our team leader who was on annual leave.

I think I need to address this before he starts putting me into worse situations deliberately, but I don't know how to approach this.

I feel anxious and angry in equal measures and I don't know what to do.

Any advice would be very much appreciated.

Sounds to me like he's trying to turn you into the visible scapegoat for his own shoddy management and meeting prep.

I agree. One could be forgiven for thinking he is deliberately trying to wrong-foot you. Git.

Managing upwards time...

He's done a shit-poor job of providing you with useful feedback, but you can now provide him with some. Think S-A-I-D (situation, action, impact, do).

During x meeting, you sent me a list of talking points after the meeting had started, then handed over to me in the meeting.

This made me feel...

If you really want to help me build my confidence, what would help me is if you...

From your own perspective it's important to consider what aspect of this is making you anxious. Every now and then you may be put into a position where you have to cover for someone in a meeting without as much information or preparation as you'd like - developing the confidence to do that (swan style - paddling like crazy underneath, serene on top) is a really useful skill. Does he have a point, and is he just going about making it clumsily? Is this something he could help you with if he changed his approach?

And more generally if you're being asked to step in for people in a way that means you'll have to pick up the meeting, plus the work, plus the deadline:

You've said that you'd like to see me become more confident at stepping up at short notice. I'd like to make sure you understand that stepping in once in a while for someone who's absent isn't a problem for me - constantly being asked to pick up projects for someone else is, and it's not confidence, it's capacity.

Gliblet

That's a great framework, thank you. I'll cannibalize it into my own words and send it when I have a minute.

StormTreader

I don't like to think that that's a possibility as he's been decent to me up until this point, I'm not really sure why he would suddenly switch it up like that?

My boss has form for this, turning up late and dropping things on me last minute. I’m now brutally honest in meetings. X isn’t here/available, but I am happy to take questions back to them.

What are the expectations if things are dropped on you in the last minute? When this happens to me, I am usually able to say - in the meeting - that I have only had a few minutes to prepare and that my output will reflect that. This has always been OK - understand that it might well be different for you. But perhaps you can explore whether this route is an alternative that would work for both of you.

I think the regularity with which expecting you to step happens is important due to your ability to manage capacity and plan.
That said I would be a little surprised as a manager that in an occasional emergency situation a colleague couldn't run a meeting with a two hour notice period.
You mention not being paid enough and not being senior enough both of which are reasonable points but can drift into "not in my job description" territory.
The best way to become more senior and get paid more might be to step up at more senior meetings and be seen as someone who can operate at the next level up.
Maybe focus on the support you need from your manager to operate at the level they want you to?

geesearego

I think the regularity with which expecting you to step happens is important due to your ability to manage capacity and plan.
That said I would be a little surprised as a manager that in an occasional emergency situation a colleague couldn't run a meeting with a two hour notice period.

This particular meeting needed me to know what I was talking about though. It's akin to reviewing survey results, analysing trends and feedback and then shortlisting the top pain points which need to be addressed in preparation for discussion with people who have the authority to approve or deny said changes and hold the purse strings; not really something you can slip in to cover if you haven't done the work.

You mention not being paid enough and not being senior enough both of which are reasonable points but can drift into "not in my job description" territory.
The best way to become more senior and get paid more might be to step up at more senior meetings and be seen as someone who can operate at the next level up.

Yeah I've done that in the past, it didn't really lead anywhere. There's a difference between taking on work flexibly and chairing a meeting with no information/data.

There's the added layer of this particular colleague often going off sick with no notice and leaving work incomplete or untouched. I am getting pretty tired of prioritizing their deadlines above my own. I'm also pretty tired of no one seeming to do anything about it.

All that being said, I still haven't sent the email, I'm feeling nervous about rocking the boat.

If carrying your colleague is a regular issue and it is impacting on your ability to do your job then it seems reasonable to raise it OP regardless of the queries I mentioned earlier.