I flipped

[lmpeachment]

I used to be so meek at work, just accepting any old crap off anyone, doing my work and going home. Rinse and repeat Monday to Friday. Last week someone of the same level as me, tried to give me some of his extra work and I told him ''No, do it yourself" He told me I was disrespectful and he was going to report me. I got up from my desk and slammed my mouse down, and walked away. He reported me. We had a 'big' meeting with our boss who said we had to get along and they will be reviewing it in a week. I basically just want to stay at home under the duvet and never go back but I have to.

How can I be more assertive with this man? I just feel depressed and alone.

Sometimes being part of a team does mean you might have to pick up other people's work. If you don't like the way he speaks to you or tells you what to do then you should either have told him before - this lunchtime doesn't work for me. If youre genuinely too busy to help with his work "I'm sorry Colin I can't take that on right now".

Slamming your mouse down, storming off and then bitching about it to anyone who will listen is so unprofessional and you need to address that behaviour with the manager at the very least

Speak to your manager and let them know what's going on with workload, when he gives you stuff to do agree a channel and push back, ie if you're struggling to keep on top of your work let x know as they manage my workload rather than come to me directly. Cc manager into responses, sadly some people only really respond to that rather than politely saying no (or erm losing it no offense).

You should apologise for your actions mind, but doesn't have to backtracking on the sentiment. Ie- sorry for the way I acted, I let my frustration get the better of me and appreciate it isn't an acceptable way to act or speak to someone. We do need to discuss workload though as I do not appreciate having to keep saying no to unmanageable requests, we need to figure out a way forward.

"I apologise for my outburst last week. I should have spoken up sooner , instead of allowing the pressure to mount u til it became unbearable. Please can we three instigate a daily /weekly stand up where we work out how best to prioritise the work we have"

He said I had been talking about colleague with everyone else, I did, only because I was so upset.

Please take care of what you say at work, there's a fine line between what you did and bullying. Your intent may have been good, but when it comes to bullying it is the impact on the victim that matters.

borders suggestion is brilliant. Make it about the workload rather than the individual.

Always the way. Neurotypicals would have more respect for autistic people if they'd just not be autistic 🙄

When I said I had been talking about him, I wasn't bitching. I was genuinely asking why he doesn't like me
Yes I struggle deeply with assertiveness. I will have to learn what to say by practicing it.
Thank you @Reallyimeanreally2022 for not helping. I know what I did was wrong, it was after 5 months and more of being bullied and walked over, so thank you but your comment doesn't really work for me
@romdowa no I haven't declared it

I wasn't gossiping, I was asking why he does this so I could avoid it in future
@bordersroaming thank you for your suggestion. I will take this forward and practice for when he returns 👍🏻🙂

I’ve had similar and I said “no” to a colleague (with permission from our manager who said I can say no if I wish!)

However, all hell broke loose and the overall boss got involved, called me lazy and useless and I had to leave due to the toxic lot that came afterwards. She was dancing and singing when I handed in my notice.

I’ve never been bullied in a job before. But it’s really shitted all over my confidence and I’m not sure how to pick myself up again.

I just wanted to give you a handhold @lmpeachment because sometimes you can do the right thing and still end up in the wrong for no reason and it all comes down to personalities clashing

Sad times

My last day is this Friday (just to show how recent it all is!)

@Queenofblankets

I’ve had similar and I said “no” to a colleague (with permission from our manager who said I can say no if I wish!)

However, all hell broke loose and the overall boss got involved, called me lazy and useless and I had to leave due to the toxic lot that came afterwards. She was dancing and singing when I handed in my notice.

I’ve never been bullied in a job before. But it’s really shitted all over my confidence and I’m not sure how to pick myself up again.

I just wanted to give you a handhold @lmpeachment because sometimes you can do the right thing and still end up in the wrong for no reason and it all comes down to personalities clashing

Sad times

Your manager failed you in this scenario

@Reallyimeanreally2022 Probably. I said “no” to my colleague who rudely asked me to do a job for her - not because she was busy but because she didn’t like doing the task and everyone knows she hates that particular job.

Anyway, manager said “of course you can say no. It’s not your job and she’s only asking because she hates doing it!”

And I was actually snowed under with work that day.

I said “no” very nicely & offered to help in the future.

Still, toxicity prevailed and won and I’m off