AIBU to put up with this behaviour

[mouselolli]

I work with a woman who is 33 married with 2 children but it's obvious she wants a divorce and is unhappy. I'm not new to the job but am new to the place of work and have been working with her and a team of about 15 of us for the past month. I am the most junior in the team.

When I first starting working there I noticed that she gets easily wound up and snaps at little things. However she comes across as very aggressive when she does it. At the same time she will pull faces, and huffs and puffs out loud. So it's obvious when she's been annoyed.

I asked other people in the team who have known her for quite a while if she always behaves like this and everyone's responses have been "it's just the way she is".

Recently I've started to notice that it's mainly me that takes the brunt of this behaviour. For example we went away with work for 9 days and everyday it was like walking on eggshells around her. There was nothing anyone could do to please her. She even upset the people from another team that had come to work with us. For example one of them had told her something trying to help her and she just started raising her voice and getting angry. It went from 0-100 very quick. This man who she had a go at is one of the most chilled of people I've met and he had to walk away.

Over the last week she's snapped at me multiple times a day. Huffed and puffed, rolled her eyes and even shouted. She has no patience. I'm nothing but polite and quite frankly I just avoid her to make my life easier.

What do I do and how do I approach it. I came back from the work trip and cried as it had all got to me. The work environment is toxic but it seems I'm the only one who feels like that from our work team. Yet outsiders can see it.

If she snaps at you, say "please do not speak to me like that", next time "I've said already, do not speak to me like that".
Hopefully, she'll just move onto someone else.

Alternatively, you can speak to HR.

You do not have to put up with this behaviour.

As you have only worked their for a month I would ask for a 1:2:1 with your line manager. You need to do it in a positive way. Say you are concerned about X and her behaviour as you have not encountered unprofessional behaviour like this in the workplace before. State that it is negatively impacting on you and you need their advice and support on how to address this. Give examples of what she has done and how it made you feel.

Either the manager will deal with it or you know you are going to have to live with it or find a new job. Sorry but it does sound like she hasn’t been pulled up on it and the behaviour is embedded. Better to find out now if the manager will take action.

Thank you for the replies.

Unfortunately she is my line manager. So that makes it a little tricky

Oh. I would probably be looking for a new job then.

You had a nine day work trip??! Are you prostitutes?

New job time sadly I had a line manager who targeted me she even asked me if I was dense because I was refusing to make eye contact with her (I wanted to cry or walk away at that point and doing that helped me) I walked away came back after lunch didn't return the following day she rang me at home demanded why I hadn't returned I said I didn't like the environment she told me I would be best off making babies and claiming benefits like the rest of my ilk seriously no idea what I did to piss her off 😅

What's she shouting about? I need more examples.

No one should put up with that in the workplace these days.

I worked with a man like this once. I only had to stand up to him once and he never gave me any bother again. In fact after that, he treated me with nothing but professional respect, almost reverence.

Hi

I thought I was the only one to experience issues like this.

My advice would be to try and switch off when you get home and try to not think about work.

When you are at work keep the conversation to do work. Don't share anything to do with home.

Try to ensure you have a witness to her behaviour and keep a written log of incidents.

The best outcome would be for you to find employment elsewhere.

Please be kind to yourself. You are worth more

Xxxxxxx

I would put in a grievance citing exactly what her behaviour is like and how it is affecting your personal performance. It sounds like she could be heading for a breakdown. Not saying it's acceptable but for welfare reasons, if she is behaving as unpredictably as you describe, nobody in the workplace should have to deal with someone who may be suffering from major MH issues.