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Original poster

How to assert my position/seniority without sounding like a dick?

20 replies

Cripesalive · 14/10/2021 15:40

I am relatively young for my position at work, and look young too which probably doesn't help. This also may be a woman thing. But I find people often ask questions or ask me to do things that I am way too senior for and I'm not really sure how best to reply without sounding like I'm saying "don't you know who I am". Its hard to describe this without explaining my job - I'm a divisional CFO in a large listed business and will be asked by e.g. HR business partners to reclassify costs for them etc, or to look things up (just one example from today, not always an HR thing). I have a perfectly good team they could ask. I'm not sure if I'm articulating this well but I suppose I'm a bit bemused as to why people struggle to gauge my seniority and why I wouldn't have time to be doing basic journal entries for them. I'm also pretty sure my male peers don't get this kind of shit but maybe I'm being sensitive. I'm starting a new role soon (at the same level but in a new area of the group) and would really like to avoid this. Has anyone ever faced similar? Doubting my gravitas etc at this point.

OP posts:

Mrscaptainraymondholt · 14/10/2021 15:43

just do what I do.... if by email - I forward to the team and cc the person who sent it and say can someone help xx (make sure your title is in your signature)
If in person, just say 'can you ask xyz in my team, they can help or will direct you to whomever can'....

seems to work

JaninaDuszejko · 14/10/2021 15:45

Just say 'The person in my team you need to ask to do that is X'. Agree it could well be because you are young and female. I knew I was starting to look old when men started treating me with respect.

dreamsarefree · 14/10/2021 15:51

Watching with interest as I'm in the same boat.

I agree re directing them to someone else. I'm currently just finishing a six month contract before I go back to a permanent FD role and I've made a point of getting someone else to do everything I'm asked that is below my pay grade whereas before I would have usually not done that.

I've also read up a lot on making an impact as I feel when you get to a certain level it is acting the part and people tend to give men the benefit of the doubt that they know what they are talking about in these roles and I've also been mistaken for a junior accountant.

Original poster

Cripesalive · 15/10/2021 09:23

Thanks both - those would be simple solutions and I will definitely keep doing that. I think maybe where I go wrong is sending the request on to the relevant person in my team then "reporting back" to the person that requested it so maybe I'm too helpful!

I'll emphasise my title too, I suppose I have a bit of impostor syndrome so not very good at doing that.

OP posts:

Original poster

Cripesalive · 15/10/2021 09:32

Its reassuring to know its not just me dreamsarefree!

OP posts:

Original poster

Cripesalive · 15/10/2021 09:34

(Posted too soon...) Do you have any recommendations on the "making an impact" reading you've been doing? I think that's a lot of my issue to be honest, the way I act seems to lead people to perceive me as very approachable. I don't want people to think I'm not approachable but the balance is all off.

OP posts:

raspberrymuffin · 15/10/2021 09:35

Forward to someone in your team cc'ing the person who asked, something along the lines of "please can you journal this for x/let x know about y". Basically you're trying to take yourself out of the loop and make it clear you're not going to be following up, and also giving the asker a more appropriate contact for next time.

In my organisation some people do this not because they think the senior person should be doing it but because they don't want to step on toes by assigning things to junior members of other people's teams. I am a pretty junior person and it really pees me off too - it feels like they're getting my team leader involved because they dont't trust I'll do it otherwise! Or sometimes they just don't know the names of us lowly people so have to send to the team leader because he's the only person they can think of.

FudgeOff · 15/10/2021 09:40

Worrying about being approachable is (in my experience) a female thing. I do it, so I get it, but I wish I didn't.

Most of the guys I've worked with would reply along the lines of "This is something for Joe. Joe: can you pick this up?" and never worry about whether or not they are approachable.

If you wanted to soften it, you could always add a line saying something like "Marge, Joe is great at cost reclassification, so feel free to ask him directly if you need it again. Thanks very much both."

Triffid1 · 15/10/2021 09:44

Agree with PPs - it's as simple as forwarding the email/replying to the email with the correct person in copy saying, "Joe, please can you follow up on this" or whatever. Assuming your team is competent and know that you're in charge, they're then going to pick up on it and get it down because they know it's their responsibility.

There is absolutely no doubt that is because you're a woman, a young one and probably approachable. But you do 100% need to nip this in the bud right now. A few of those sorts of emails and you should see others getting into the habit of going to your team as a matter of routine.

NoSquirrels · 15/10/2021 09:44

Yeah, just forward to the right person for the query, cc’ing the original contact, and give instruction to junior -‘X, please could you help Y with this. Thanks.’

Do nothing else!

Triffid1 · 15/10/2021 09:45

Oh, and also, once you've passed it to someone else, 100% put it out of your mind. Don't follow up. Don't chase. Don't do anything. if your team member does not do it and the person then comes to complain to you, sure, get involved as you would with any action where your team has not acted appropriately. But otherwise, assume it will be done.

Giggorata · 15/10/2021 09:46

I would also highlight the potential issue of this going too far the other way.
By this, I mean people allocating work to your team willy nilly without going via you. This used to drive me mad at work.
I got round it by instructing my team members always to say that this should first be discussed with their line manager (me).

Iggly · 15/10/2021 09:47

Delegate. Just because they ask you, it doesn’t mean they expect you to do it. They expect you to get it done = delegate. That’s what I do.

I’m the head of a finance function and it happens all the time. I don’t take it personally - I like to see what’s coming to the team, it helps me to appreciate what my team do and I can also support them if they get any shit.

NoSquirrels · 15/10/2021 09:52

@Iggly

Delegate. Just because they ask you, it doesn’t mean they expect you to do it. They expect you to get it done = delegate. That’s what I do.

Yes, I was also going to say don’t take it personally! I don’t think it’s necessarily a gravitas or respect thing - it’s just a common business thing. People are lazy so ask the person they first think of/have most contact with, or genuinely don’t know who to ask and aren’t really expecting you personally to do the data admin.

eurochick · 15/10/2021 10:02

I agree with @Iggly. The people asking for these things are unlikely to know who is the most appropriate person in your team for any particular task so they either refer stuff to the contact they are most familiar with or a manager and expect them to allocate the task appropriately.

Embroidery · 15/10/2021 10:09

Delegate and dont take it personally.

Manage the sitiation in the management sense of the word. Eg authority, control, kindness, delegation, empathy and understanding, keeping an overlook over everything.
Try not to be petty and take things personally. Id be surprised if men dont get asked to do things like this too. You just need to learn to confidently, assertively but lightly deflect it.

RollaCola84 · 15/10/2021 10:09

This used to happen to me a lot as well, sadly I think I'm finally growing into my late 30s face and am no longer viewed as young

There's two ways of looking at it but the same way of responding in my view. Either people are coming to you because you're the boss so you have oversight in full expectation that you'll delegate, some though will be assuming that you're more junior if you're female and look young. I would do as advised by others above;

"thanks for letting me know, can you speak to X on my team about that and keep me copied, thanks"

"X please see below from Y team, can you take this forward and copy me on the reply please"

"Thanks, I've forwarded to X on my team who leads on that, for routine requests in future I'm happy for you to go direct to them."

It's all polite, the work is done, you're retaining control and being clear that you're in charge of the work area and have a team.

Embroidery · 15/10/2021 10:15

Its a learning curve that you are on.

I had to ask a young (male) manager (Head of Dept) something yesterday, that the forner female Head of Dept would have taken in her stride and calmly solved / delegated.
He completely fluffed it, then I had to figure it out myself, then go to someone else, neither of us paid to do it. He fluffed it because he was offended Id asked him, in a 'do you know who I am' way. He is all posture and no substance.
Dont be like that.

Soontobe60 · 15/10/2021 10:16

With regards to forwarding on requests to someone else in your team, this actually happened to me once. I emailed my HOD asking for some info, she forwarded my email onto someone else basically saying ‘can you deal with this, it’s not my job’ and CCd me into the email. I was quite annoyed actually. She made me feel like a naughty girl!
I would have much preferred her to have replied directly to me saying ‘actually, Sammy deals with this, so I’ve forwarded your request on to him’.

Gingernaut · 15/10/2021 10:17

"Yes, my team can do that. Can you talk to XXX, as she'll be the one to do it?"

If by email, forward the request to XXX in your team and tell the sender that XXX will be dealing with his/her request.

Dress slightly smarter than the rest of the team and make sure your title is visible on any email footer and lanyard.

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