To feel utterly stuck

[JennetHumfrye]

I have a 4 year old DS that started school in September. Since then I've become increasingly sad about how my job and the commute to said job keeps me from him.
I work in a city and have no other option than commuting by bus. It takes me an hour and a half each way. So I usually don't get home until 7pm. It's worse now as people have started to return to the office as restrictions have eased. By the time I get in DH is starting to get DS ready for bed. I'm not around to cook his tea or do his reading with him. By the time I get home he is shattered and just wants to have his bath and then go to bed.
I have tried looking for other jobs closer to home but they pay a lot less than my city centre post where I have worked my way up. I also have trouble getting time off for interviews. My manager works from home all but one day so I'm the sole support and it's difficult to get short notice days off
Questions are asked whenever I do book a day off and I find it hard to lie. My DH thinks I should just hand my notice in and have a month or so off and then apply for part time jobs as I won't be restricted in anyway. I just feel so trapped and miserable. Has anyone been in a similar position and what would you do?

Ah sorry you are feeling miserable. My DS has also just started school.

I'm not sure why you feel trapped as it seems like your husband has given you a good option. Whats your resistance to handing in your notice and finding a p/t job?

Could you ask for your hours to be reduced at your current job? Or could you ask to work from home some of the time to avoid the commute?

@Olivegreenstrawberries

Ah sorry you are feeling miserable. My DS has also just started school.

I'm not sure why you feel trapped as it seems like your husband has given you a good option. Whats your resistance to handing in your notice and finding a p/t job?

Could you ask for your hours to be reduced at your current job? Or could you ask to work from home some of the time to avoid the commute?

DH has been great and I am seriously thinking about his proposal but I read a thread on here the other day and it put me off a bit. People were saying it was madness to leave a job without one to go to. I'm worried that I will seem unemployable which is silly really as I would only be taking a couple of months at the most off. I have very low confidence and think I am panicking about how I will look to potential future employers. There is definitely no option of reduced hours. I broached it at my last appraisal 6 months ago and it was a no go. To be honest I dislike the job anyway and have been thinking of leaving anyway. It's just so hard had to get time off at short notice and causes me a huge amount of anxiety. I'm ashamed to say I have been offered a couple of interviews and have had to turn them down as my boss was on holiday and I couldn't have the time off. I hate being dishonest so wouldn't pull a sickie. I feel awful now as I feel that my fear of getting told off at work is making me put work before my son. He is struggling picking up reading and writing and would dearly love to be able to help him when he gets home from school or even take him swimming. I feel we are both missing out but am terrified of not getting another job. We have some savings and no mortgage but DH couldn't support us alone forever.

You have some savings and no mortgage. It's a no-brainer. Ask your work for flexible working - reduced days or part time hours. Explain to them that your options include leaving without a job to go to, but try to avoid this. Be open and say you have job interviews to go to. Childhood flashes past in the blink of an eye.
I have made a complete mess of my career to be with my child when she needed me. I don't regret it, and if I were in a position to take on a parent returning to work after a break, I would see parenting as a complicated and challenging role like any paid job.

My DP had ten months out work (granted longer than planned due to Covid, but he was always planning on taking three or four). At no point did anyone he interviewed with suggest he was in any way unemployable. Any employer who did suggest this would not be one you would want to work for anyway.

I don't think I would hand in my notice. I think it's absolutely unfair that your manager is at home whilst you are holding the fort. I agree with asking for more flexible working. Two days wfh. Say your daily commute has become impossible and you will be looking at other options. (a new job) You've nothing to lose in your position. I dont like telling lies either. But the point is your company is treating you in an unfair way IMHO.

Thank you for all your replies.
My company is a small one with no formal HR department so I don't always feel protected in that sense. My boss is very close and protected by the Director and she is very much his eyes and ears for the company. She isn't a bad person, she is just used to getting her own way and has carved out a very nice role for herself. She has a little girl and claims she needs to be home for her and this isn't questioned even though the child's father has her for half the week. If I'm brutally honest I haven't helped the situation as in being eager to please I have bent over backwards to make sure I'm never late or seen as unreliable. Even if it has meant not taking holidays when I've wanted to because my boss has certain days off.

During the first lockdown there were redundancies in my company and I was terrified of losing my job. I have no idea why I have this irrational fear as I know I would be ok and that I actually dislike it so much. I have just made and continue to make poor choices.

Thanks as everyone has given me a lot to think about. I will never get these years with my son back so perhaps it's time I put him first instead of trying to prove what a good employee I am.