References - I don't have any

[DietCokeCoconutandLime]

I was recently provisionally offered a job in the Civil Service.

This is absolutely massive for me, because I am trying to leave a difficult relationship and I needed a job to be able to do so.

The problem is that I need to provide an employer reference, and 2x personal references. I don't have anyone I can ask. My world has become so small, I don't have any friends that I can ask.

There are some family friends but, if I ask them, it could get back to my family and it's a can of worms that I don't know if I can open yet. I wanted to be able to just go somewhere, move out, before I told anyone what I was doing.

But the job is amazing, I'm so lucky to get this far.

I don't know what I can do?

Do you have children? Could you ask school teachers/nursery to provide personal references? Anyone you meet regularly in a cafe? Doctor?

Employer references can be as old as anything, I know mine were old when I went back to work and in the end they just used personal references instead.

Have you done any volunteer work? Read in your children’s school? Helped on a school trip? At Cubs/brownies? Even once? Practice nurse? School secretary? Vicar? Person you runs your local shop?

Hi OP, wonderful news about your job - that’s a huge step. You could always go to your school/college for a reference if you don’t have anything more recent. I assume they’ve seen your work history from your application so if there isn’t anything recent you can draw upon I’m sure they’ll understand why. You could even ask an old school friend even if you haven’t been in touch recently. They probably just want someone who can vouch you are who you say you are and of good character etc. Good luck and please don’t let this put you off as you can get something sorted I am sure.

@CrispyCold No DC, no. Sorry should have said, I can actually sort out the employer reference I think, I did a college course so have put the details of that on there, which is okay.

It's the personal ones. I only really have one friend, and she is close friends with someone who's husband works with DH, so I don't feel like I could ask her just in case she let something slip to the other girl, who would tell her husband, then it get back to DH.

Focus on your skills

Do you have anyone at work that could give a personal reference? If can be from the same employer as the employer reference, it's just a different style of reference! Any one at all will do tbh that knows you.

Honestly I would ring the new employer and explain your situation.

If STBEXH finds out where you will be working you will need to inform them anyway if he potentially will be difficult about the relationship ending.

Neighbour?
Could you swear your friend to secrecy?

Speak to them - CS is a very good and fair employer, they're dealing with people coming from all kinds of situations all of the time, am sure they'll have an alternative solution

Definitely speak to them. They'll have an alternative suggestion.

Colleague at work, next door neighbours, it doesn't have to be a friend, just someone who knows you

I work in CS, have had candidate in the same situation. Contact the recruitment dept, explain the situation, we’ve always some to some sort of accommodation.