The line between bullying and personality clashes

[Kevlarhead]

I've posted on this before about the obnoxious cow I've got as assistant line manager, but could do with some advice from someone who knows a bit more about HR.

From her actions over the past week, I'm beginning to get the feeling she doesn't realise how rude and irritating she is. The relentlessly patronising tone, the casual belief that everyone else in the office is a total f*ckwit that needs everything pointed out to them; these seem to be the basic building blocks of her personality, rather than a conscious act. I was told "It doesn't need to be this difficult" in a chat over the desk the other day, which she's suggests she's aware of the air of misery and distrust that hangs over our team. She then carried on being foul to the new start, which suggests she doesn't have the insight to realise what it is that's making life difficult.

Question is; if she's a godawful bitch just by nature, does that mean I'm looking at a 'clash of personalities' (due to my dislike of being patronised rigid, and treated like a feckwit), rather than actual bullying? And would a 'clash' of this nature be treated in the same way as bullying, or would I be told just to 'try and get on with her' if I raised a complaint to HR?

If she is like it with everyone, it is probo a clash I would have thought?

Before I became a SAHM, someone with a small amount of authority used to pick on a girl at work.
She would make this girl get up from her desk in the middle of her work to get things from the printer for her so she would not have to stop chatting and would sometimes really snarl at her, but no-one else. This was concluded to be bullying.

Kevlarhead it doesn't have to be one or the other necessarily. If she's generally obnoxious to everyone that isn't necessarily bullying, and therefore shouldn't necessarily be addressed in as formal and serious a manner as a case of bullying should be, but that doesn't mean that it shouldn't be addressed or that you should just 'try and get on with her'.

You mention that you are starting to think she is actually just not aware how annoying she is? Have you or any of the rest of the team tried talking to her about it? It would be something I would suggest bringing up separately - don't react when she's just been annoying, ask for a meeting with her and gently and calmly mention to her how she is coming across to people, you don't know if she is aware, give her some examples, say it is getting people down a bit, you would all find it more motivating if she were to try and adjust how she approaches you slightly.

I don't know whether you or anyone else feels able to talk to her like that?

You say she is your assistant line manager? Presumably you have a more senior line manager then? Have you discussed the situation with him/her and what was the reaction?

I don't think this sounds like bullying from what you have said here, but just also to mention that the definition of bullying really depends a great deal on how the 'victim' is feeling about the behaviour, not necessarily what the objective opinion of someone else is. So the perpetrator or an independent observer might not consider a particular behaviour to be bullying as such, but if the relationship between the two individuals and the personalities of the two individuals are such that one person is feeling victimised rather than just annoyed, then it may well be bullying.

I don't think you really think it's bullying though do you? It sounds as though she is just lacking in self-awareness and is a bit of an obnoxious and abrasive personality, and needs someone to point out to her that she is not approaching management in an appropriate way. The question is who should/can have this conversation and guide her towards more appropriate behaviour? Depending on the dynamic in your team, it may be you or one of your colleagues, or it may be the more senior line manager, or a combination of both.