Go back to full time..?

[twinkie100]

Looking for some thoughts/advice.

I have two DCs, one age 5 in Year 1, one age 2 in nursery.

I used to work full time (in a career I enjoy). After my eldest I went down to 4 days.

Recently, I have found myself really wanting to go back to full time.

In lots of ways I love the flexibility of my day off, and of course it's special to have that day with my youngest... but in all honesty I'm struggling with enjoying it.

• My job is super hectic, and I struggle fitting work into 4 days which means I work late every night (with no extra pay)

• On my day off I think about work.

• I'm starting to really resent the 20% pay drop and think about what we would do with that money (for context around £1000 net).

• now we are out of the real baby phase, I'm excited about my career and want to push it forward. I could get much better roles/higher salary on 5 days.

• I love my youngest, but am finding endless soft plays and playgroups boring. Honestly I'm wondering what I'm taking the pay cut for!

My husband doesn't want me to do it.

Has anyone done this? Would appreciate any advice
Thank you

Why doesn't your husband want you to work full time? Has he also dropped down to part time? If not, would this be an option for him?

I went back full time recently after doing 4 days for a few years, for very similar reasons - but I have to say that if Covid hadn’t changed everything so I can wfh a lot, I probably wouldn’t have done it. Now I do 3 days from home so it’s much less stressful and I’m seeing the kids more anyway. But I’d do it if it were you - it makes work so much better!

@AlexaShutUp he feels we should give our youngest the same time/experience our eldest had.

It also makes life much easier for all of us if I'm home one day - manage the school drop off/pick up, dinner, house admin, easier for school hols to have one day a week to not worry. Etc.

Basically it might make his life harder 😂.

He couldn't/wouldn't drop to 4 days.

Thanks @Thurlow for sharing

I think you are COMPLETELY right - I wouldn't consider it in past times, but now like you I would do 3 days at home so it's much easier.

He couldn't/wouldn't drop to 4 days.

Then I don’t think he gets to dictate your working hours.

I worked PT for a brief period and hated it.

He needs to respect your wishes. If he doesn't want to drop his hours, then fair enough, but he cannot demand that you do it either. Tough if it makes life harder for him, the current set up is not working for you.

And frankly, if he wants to give your youngest dc the same experience as your oldest dc had, isn't it his turn to facilitate that? Why should it all fall on you?

There is no right or wrong answer here, other than what you want for your life. And if you want to go back to work full time, then he will need to accept that. Your kids will be fine either way.

Tell him you want to go back to work full time and if he wants your youngest to have a parent there 1 day a week he is more than welcome to work 4 days a week. If he's not willing then it says a lot about what he sees as your respective roles in the home, even if he doesn't want to admit it.

Thanks for the advice - you're all right about my husband, and he will just have to deal with it if I do decide to go back up to 5. As you all say, he can't dictate what I do (especially if he is not prepared to drop a day).

Has anyone done this and regretted it?

I'm thinking about asking work for a trial period to see how it goes (like a month or two), which I imagine they would be open to. I have been at the company for many years so have lots of goodwill (and did 3 years with them full time before first maternity)