Work life balance struggle

[Hubblebubble1]

I’ve lost my passion. I don’t know if I want to carry on working in my field anymore. Trouble is I’ve tried to get interviews for other types of jobs out with my sector but not been successful. My CV is all experience in 1 field and I feel trapped. Actually, feel like I’m suffocating.
Add onto this I bring the stress of my job home and my kids and hubby bear the brunt of my mood if it’s been and it quite often is, a rubbish day at work.

I feel my mental health suffering and coupled with my two eldest teens having issues with various things just now I feel I’m not coping and would be better working in a less stressful job. Just can’t find one.

How do people switch career paths and change jobs? What am I doing wrong??

That's stressful....
any chance you can take a few weeks 'mental health ' break. My company seems to do it if you ask..
give yourself a breather ?
Do you actually know what you want to do ? Or is it more the feeling that everything is too much and Mum guilt that you should be nicer when you come in unhappy from work?
I always think: what would I want my kids to do if they were in this situation. Have you thought about doing a random job just to get out of what you are doing?

@Maximum71 hi
I don’t have the option unfortunately to take a mental health break :(
I have been doing my job for about 10 years and recently took on a promotion which isn’t for me. Luckily it’s only for 6 months, after that I can go back to my own role. But both roles are stressful and prior to my promotion I toyed with the idea of leaving my profession. I have mega mum guilt. I come home like a bear with a sore head and not great company. Kids know when I am due on shift as my mood definitely changes and I practically live for my days off.
I’ve spoken to hubby about downgrading again and although a financial hit he says we can afford it just won’t be as comfortable so it’s like being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I think I’m looking for someone to tell me what to do.

Ive applied for jobs not related to my qualification but no success so I’m just feeling pretty scunnered. Suppose I should be greatful I have a job. It’s just the stress and the pandemic has made it more stressful :(

Haha I know what you mean about wishing someone would tell you what to do!
My lovely dp works on the principle (when having to make a decision) - to take money out of the equation. It has really helped me make some (good for me) decisions.
If you stay you'll be unhappy. If you go you might be unhappy but you might not be. You'll definitely have more energy if you do decide to leave- this job sounds like it's sucking you dry..
Mumguilt.. It's awful isn't it..
and what would you advise your kids to do if they were in a job like yours and felt the same about it?
Are you worried what people will think of you leaving this 'good' job? X

Can you take a different role in your company, not a downwards step, more a sideways move?

@Maximum71 oh if it was my kids I’d say leave and try something else and I would support them until they did.
I’m actually really worried, paranoid, that folk (family mainly) would think I was crazy for leaving a post with responsibility and really well paid knowing the sacrifices I made when the kids were little to make it happen. My parents see me as the responsible one and I think it would hurt them if I stepped away from it but I have my husbands support. Take money out the equation I would leave tomorrow: never thought about it that way before 🤔

@Redwinestillfine There’s no other options really and it’s the responsibility associated with the position that’s becoming too much.
I wish I actually knew what I wanted to do! I just want a job that I don’t dread going into and feel anxious and overwhelmed when I’m there. 😔 I can really only leave and do something else but I’m not being successful in getting interviews due to no experience or no recent experience. If I downgrade then it less stressful but still stressful in other ways and less money for same hours. 😩

Is self employment an option? Using existing skills?

Are you a teacher?

@headlock hi
Self employment isn’t an option, I don’t have any skills that would allow me to do that.

@Itsbeen84yearss hi I’m a nurse in the nhs, and pretty burnt out :( looking for an escape.

I wish I was creative, crafty or something and could whip up an Etsy account and sell stuff.
I don’t have any hobbies, I’m either working or doing housework, with kids at home.
I wish someone would offer me a position in the local supermarket (I used to work in one before nursing) where I can do my job, have a degree of satisfaction and know that someone’s life wasn’t in the balance due to poor staffing. I bet most nurses are feeling how I’m feeling just now…….

What about one of those pip/ disability assessor jobs? There’s loads of them on indeed and I think you can work from home

@Itsbeen84yearss yeh I had considered that, I applied at the tail end of last year via an agency but didn’t hear back. I have done a bit of research and I haven’t heard anyone I know say a good thing about working in that role. I don’t think I could do a work from home job though with kids in the house from 3/4pm. Too noisy!
I’m just feeling sorry for myself and wanting something to change.
If we were better staffed I probably wouldn’t be feeling half as bad as I am. I know the grass isn’t greener on the other side but I’m willing to check!

Could you retrain within the profession, maybe something like health visitor? I think I read sormewhere a lot of them were previously nurses or midwives.

Or how about something with childcare? I bet lots of nurseries would really value a former nurse on their staff.

Is private nursing an option? School nurse? I don’t know much about nursing so sorry if these are silly ideas

But I think if you can find a sideways move that uses your experience, it’s more likely to be enjoyable/paid reasonably than shifting to a whole new job area where you’ll be starting at the bottom.

@Milkbottlelegs I applied for the health visiting trainee post in the summer and wasn’t short listed. I have honestly tried almost every option and I think that’s why I’m feeling suffocated because I’ve been trying to find something else, side ways or promotion and not gotten far at all.
I don’t have any nursery or child nursing experience so have never even thought of that route so it’s definitely something for me to consider now.

@minipie I applied for the school nurse training back in the summer too, and community and didn’t get short listed for interview. I really have tried everything.

I know people say try other areas, but sadly it’s not that simple. If you don’t get an interview then that puts the brakes on that plan.

I really appreciate everyone’s responses you have all had some lovely comments and advice and I’m going to sleep on it and see if I can formulate a plan of what to do or apply for next.

I had also considered the PGDE teaching but it’s more study and places are limited and next intake is Sept 2022. I’m hoping for change sooner than that.

Thank you again everyone, appreciated x

I think it’s worth trying again before giving up on those routes. Did you ask for any feedback on why you weren’t shortlisted (though tbh many places won’t give feedback anyway). Could you get someone to look over your application with you?

I really feel for you, OP, and I’m in exactly the same miserable boat apart from I live alone (mortgaged) and have no one to share the financial burden. 20 years in this job — I’m the last generation of the family business, so I’m also bearing a lot of guilt about leaving as realistically it means selling up — and I’ve worked too hard for too little, too long. The responsibility has been grinding me down over the last few years but last year has finished me off.

@Maximum71 has nailed it when she says take money out of the equation. I will gladly work minimum wage jobs (which tbh pro rata is pretty much what I’m on now!) if it means I can leave the stress of employees, customers, landlord etc behind. Do what is best for your health, mental and physical, and as long as you can cover the bills and essentials, the rest is just noise.

Feel the fear (I am fucking terrified) and do it anyway!

@LMBoston
Good luck! Be brave- I'm rooting for you!! X
@Hubblebubble1
There was a post on here a while back from a lady who had interviewed at Greggs to get away from her horrible overworked NHS job.. the comments (from mumsnetters and her family in general -not her dp) were mainly that she was silly leaving a good job.. but she was so unhappy that she felt she had to leave.
A few people commented on how good an employer Greggs was. So there you go - you aren't the only one xx
And remember that no one can feel the stress and anxiety that you are feeling going to work. Let the family think what they want. It's your health and your life. Xx
As a side note: I've changed jobs about 5 times and mostly to similar roles just different companies- but the changes / benefits have been huge. And always positive

@Hubblebubble1
One last note - my 24 yr old dd qualified as a nurse last year and has worked her butt off the past year (Covid hasn't been an issue at all funnily enough at her hospital) just normal day to day stuff and the fact they have had to quarantine when they had 'sick' family : tested positive for Covid I should say - and it was that, that created staff shortages.
I don't know how much longer she will continue in this stressful role- and this is a sporty, healthy fit young woman with only herself to look after...

You don’t want to do a PGCE. Contrary to popular belief teaching is not very parent/ child friendly.
If you’re not getting interviews for things you might need to look at your covering letter/ application form. There are professional services that can help you with these

@minipie The feedback I got for the various nursing roles was I didn’t have enough experience in that field. Can’t get experience if I don’t get a chance 🥺

@LMBoston oh I’m feeling the fear! I think I’ll sit down with hubby tonight after work and just lay it all down and see what options I actually have and what would be best for me.

@Maximum71 nothing wrong with a greggs. 🤩 I’ve applied for a few customer service roles. I haven’t done that since before nursing so we will see. The way I feel just now I’d happily take any job that was less stressful than this one. In hope your daughter has more luck than me in nursing it’s not a great time for it.

@Itsbeen84yearss I struggled doing homeschooling with 4 kids during the time they were off and I think that cemented that I wouldn’t be cut out to be a teacher I don’t have the patience. Even the past week my youngest was isolating and had school stuff to do, I could see it far enough! I think I’m actually grasping at straws hoping to see some green green grass on the other side x

Thank you for all the comments it’s really helped me. I appreciate it and it’s good to get other peoples views that are impartial and let me let off some steam x x

Could you do volunteering to get a different skill, even online volunteering? Could you do an online course to retrain?

Sorry to hear about your situation Op.

I dread going to my (now virtual) job and feel the dread/being disillusioned every day. Just a word of warning, customer service jobs are (and having done quote a few of them) awful - target driven, usually very overworked and underpaid with no autonomy/respect. Being on the phone and emails all day fire fighting is cumulatively exhausting. And most of the 'colleagues' working there felt psychologically exhausted, treated the the job as a stop gap... I'm sure some customer service roles are pleasant, but in the whole they're aren't. You are a clinician, and may find the drop in prestige shocking.

I don't know what the solution is, I've never had a job I enjoyed, I think I had very naive ideas about the world of work.

Hi OP, I've just posted about quitting my job and temping so just wanted to say hello to a kindred job-hating spirit. I'm also looking at customer service jobs but as previous posters have said, fine for a short stop-gap but if you're used to dealing with people and being in a busy environment to suddenly be on the phone /on your own all day I think would be quite hard. I quite fancy working a the shop - never done it so the reality might be hideous but at least you're interacting with people and once you're finished work it's not sort of job you'll take home (physically or mentally) which I really need right now and it sounds like you do too.