Taking Time Off to See a Sick Relative Abroad?

[Arsenal123]

Hi all

A colleague has confided in me as they are planning to take sick leave (on the grounds of stress) to see an ill relative abroad. They have been agonising over not being there for some time.Their family cannot understand why they have not returned home to support them in a time of need. The workplace emergency/carers leave policy doesn't cover such arrangements for this family member unfortunately despite them practically raising my friend as a child.

My friend had annual leave at the end of last month and had booked tickets to go but would have needed to extend the leave to allow for quarantine upon return. They spoke to the manager who said no additional leave could be taken (as annual leave or unpaid leave) and if my friend went, there would be a disciplinary meeting. Now, the need to quarantine has been lifted.

After much crying over the phone last night they told me they have again booked tickets. They haven't been home for two years due to the pandemic and recently I have worried about their mental health. Overall I think it's the culmination of stress and work inflexibility that has led them to do this as well as a sense of cultural and familial duty. I haven't advised them in any way, just listened. I don't know what to say when they ask 'what should I do?' ... Work know we are close and I also know they will ask me how they are ... I don't want to be put in a position where I feel like I need to lie.

Has anyone experienced something like this?

If your colleague is signed off sick then they can spend that time doing whatever will aid their recovery.

If there is now no need to quarantine is there anything to stop them using their annual leave aa originally planned?

Don’t even give a moments thought to what work might ask you. ‘She’s not well’,
‘I haven’t heard from her’.

This is nothing to do with you. If asked you say you have not seen her as she is unwell

Well it does sound like the situation is causing her a lot of stress, so there's no lie there.

If she is signed off sick, as a PP said, she can do what she wants in her time off. Being stressed doesn't mean she has to sit at home all day doing nothing.

If visiting her family will help relieve her stress, she should do it.

Work shouldn't be trying to get information about her from you... just say you'd rather not discuss her personal life and they can contact her with any questions if you don't feel comfortable answering.

I agree this is their personal issue but I do feel the weight of it. They came to me for advice and I didn't have any to offer. All I could do was listen. Would rather have been ignorant to it but everyone needs to talk to someone and I probably would have disclosed it to her had it have been me.

Just need to deflect any intrusive questions at work, preferably without lying.

I was also wondering if I could suggest some counselling to them without causing offence?

Is she ‘just’ a colleague or do you have HR responsibilities? If the latter do look into adding on workplace counselling support. Or suggest it to HR. Many HR portals include it as standard, Croner, Perkbox, Bright HR. Workers access it confidentially.

There is a world of difference between 'being off on long term sick and going away to relax as part of the recovery / treatment' and 'lying to the employer by, pretending to be sick whilst actually using that time as additional annual leave'.

Being stressed at work, or missing family isn't an excuse to lie to them to try to fiddle additional leave.
Many people are stressed at work.
Many people miss their family.
Many people would like 2 or 3 extra weeks off.
ost of us behave like reasonable adults and employees.

If this is just a colleague, and you have no line management for them, I would say I do not want to hear what you are planning to do as I am not lying to cover for you.