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Original poster

Job offer pending, should I ask for headlines?

21 replies

PennyWus · 21/09/2021 18:52

I went for a job interview recently and have had verbal and written confirmation that the manager wants to hire me. I told her my salary expectations at the interview and she nodded and said ok. Since then she has emailed three times to update me - the formal offer is stuck pending approval. Fine with me.

Problem is, my DH is badgering me to ask for headlines of the offer. He asks me at least twice a day, and texts too. My DH never texts me or pesters me. I have told him to drop it, I'm a senior professional and I know how to handle a job offer (I've explained to DH I don't want to handle it his way, but he is relentless).

Is he right, should I push for details or wait patiently?

(I'm not considering other jobs and if the offer was going to be under what I said I expected I'd be gobsmacked as u know the salary range the job was advertised at.)

OP posts:
ketchupman · 21/09/2021 18:55

Tell your DH to butt out, these things take time in senior professional roles.

Yummypumpkin · 21/09/2021 18:55

I'm sure he's trying to help but you rarely regret following your gut instinct, I find, but often regret taking advice!

Ragwort · 21/09/2021 18:56

I would be furious if my DH was 'badgering' me for such information, equally I wouldn't dream of asking him for details of a new salary, working conditions etc.

Unless you are incredibly hard up and can't afford to buy food (which I am assuming is not the case) I would tell him to butt out.

Presumably you haven't accepted the new position until you have seen the finer details in writing? Have you handed your notice in at your last job?

OnlyFlans · 21/09/2021 19:11

This would really piss me off!

Tell your DH to butt out- you are a capable professional woman who can negotiate her own starting salary, it's perfectly normal that internal processes/ negotiations need to happen before a starting salary is confirmed and the hiring manager is keeping you updated.

flowery · 21/09/2021 19:28

Why on earth is he doing that?

Not sure what value pushing for details will add. You’ll get the information eventually anyway.

Darceyhemingway · 21/09/2021 20:28

@Yummypumpkin that is great advice. This has happened to me loads. New life motto! Thanks.

Op if you've told your husband you're dealing with it why isn't he dropping it? Weird if he's not usually like this!

NotRainingToday · 21/09/2021 20:46

Well, I would say he's not wrong, but it depends on how you want to run the negotiation.
If there's a salary scale and you have declared your position, then you might as well wait and see what they offer. If it's more flexible/fluid, it might be worth replying, stating your interest and suggesting "opening the discussion about remuneration".
That said, if it's pending signoff, there's probably a salary already fixed or only minorly negotiable.
How senior is the role?

NotRainingToday · 21/09/2021 20:49

Ah, just spotted that you stated your salary expectations at interview. They will probably match that, then.

Redtartanshoes · 21/09/2021 20:53

Just wait.

Original poster
PennyWus · 21/09/2021 22:09

Thanks everyone, I'm going to go with my instincts and wait. DH has really had me second-guessing myself.

I did ask DH why he wants me to email my new employer again about this, and mumbled about being able to work out my financial position. I suspect that if the offer is at the lower end of the range advertised DH will be badgering me to negotiate. My salary will cover all my outgoings and as a household we are coping fine financially, I'm going back to work mainly for my own financial independence and to build my pathetic pension up.

DH has been weird about the whole job application. My job interview was on Teams, and as DH is wfh I took the meeting in a quiet space elsewhere in the house. Later DH confessed that he couldnt concentrate on work as he knew I was in the interview, so he sat silently just round the corner from me and eavesdropped on the entire interview! I have genuinely no idea why he is behaving like this. Almost gleeful about interfering? Perhaps he is simply entertained or perhaps he thinks he is helping/supporting? Very odd.

I'm currently not in a job as I took a career break to care for my youngest and homeschool my eldest during lockdown. Prior to covid I was earning as much as DH; he has since had a good pay rise whereas my new job is less senior than before - I chose it so that I am less stressed and have some energy for my kids.

Even if I did negotiate badly, I'm not entirely sure my DH has a right to intrude and try to dictate how I handle things.

OP posts:
TheQueenOfTheNight · 21/09/2021 22:30

It's almost like he's treating you like a child who's applying for their first job. Except his monitoring and advice is actually detrimental to your job search.

NashvilleQueen · 21/09/2021 22:45

It sounds like he fears a loss of control over you when you return to the workplace and he is trying to assert himself a while longer.

It would really annoy me.

AlexaShutUp · 21/09/2021 22:48

I would be telling dh to back the fuck off.

Couldhavebeenme3 · 21/09/2021 22:49

It sounds like he fears a loss of control over you when you return to the workplace and he is trying to assert himself a while longer.

Please ensure he doesn't jeopardise your new job. My ex played similar games until in the end I was forced to quit my new job, and he kept me under his control for another couple of years.

Original poster
PennyWus · 21/09/2021 22:51

Yes, that's it! Like I'm his protege or project. I'm trying to take a generous view that he is just very bored. He is used to being in an office with a few hundred people, but since covid wfh.

OP posts:
myheartskippedabeat · 21/09/2021 22:58

@PennyWus

Your a
Grown up professional

Tell him to mind his own business

Who
The hell does he think he is?

Big red flag 🚩

NotRainingToday · 21/09/2021 23:01

OMG, I can't believe he eavesdropped on your conversation and then admitted it. I worry that this isn't going to go well and it's independent of any job offer.

Original poster
PennyWus · 22/09/2021 04:09

Hmm admittedly he does have a bit of track record for being controlling. Or attempting to be. I will put him firmly back in his box, thank you everyone, wasnt sure if I was being over-sensitive.

OP posts:
nyktipolos · 22/09/2021 04:21

Op, glad you recognise this is unhealthy.

You had a career break. A fairly short one really. He seems to think you now have no idea what you are doing. He has positions himself as the more experienced of you both and treating you like a young employee that needs mentoring.

Does he have form for being one of these people who insists people need his help, inserts himself and then is entirely unhelpful. It's like toxic helpfulness.

Shelddd · 22/09/2021 04:36

It's possible he's just really bored and his mental health has taken a bit of a hit but regardless he is acting weird, it's not normal to do those things and I think you're right to do it your way.

burritofan · 22/09/2021 04:46

Fucking hell, your DH is awful. I would block his number. And save a lot of my salary for a running away fund if my partner deliberately eavesdropped on a job interview.

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