Boss lied to me

[hotubhannah]

Please tell.if I'm annoyed for no reason. At work we nomimate people who we think have leadership potential.over a certain grade.this year I nominated someone X who also happened to.achieve an exceeding in her objectives and I'm about to put on temp promo. Happy days. HR called and asked could I complete some paperwork for.both my 'potential stars' I said sorry both stars? Yes she said x and y. When I challenged it was just X I was told to.just ignore Y and focus on X. Suspicions aroused I questioned my line manager who said oh yes on reflection the exec thought she showed potential. Oh and no one thought to mention this to me as her line manager.the programme takes a fair bit of commitment if selected plus as her line manager am.i not entitled to.know. Again I was fobbed off. Skip.forward a few weeks and all the leadership stars are being assessed and have to complete and strategy document. As no one had mentioned anything further to me I asked the candidate Y to tell me about it , we have a good relationship, she duly told.me.that yes my line manager had nominated her... but no one has mentioned another word to me. I've got to question myself here why does my line manager and HR feel the need to.keep.this quiet . (My LM is.my friend too).I feel annoyed they have left me.out, it makes me look stupid in front of my direct report and have demeaned me. What do you think?

Can you refuse to mentor the other person or do you have to do it?

They may not have told you at first but it hasn't been kept quiet, HR mentioned it to you and the line manager confirmed it. Is there any backstory between you and Y?

It depends on the rules when nominating people. If they are making out you nominated person y when you didnt that is really annoying. I would send an e-mail saying I want to make it clear that I nominated x only. And then I would look for a new job if you feel undermined and left out of the loop. And be suspicious of those 'friends'.

Let me clarify HR - when they realised I didn't know about Y just quickly said oh 'just focus on x focus on x' and sounded flustered. Hence it alerted my suspicion. I dont have to.mentor anyone but I do have to complete a questionnaire about them. Re a back story well there is lots going on....Y approached my line manager while back and said she wanted to.do.something different (the focus of our team.has been changed)Y and I are same grade but I am the Head of with her reporting reporting to me, she sees my LM (the director) as being able to influence more than me which is true she's been around decades longer than me for a start. LM said she'd see what she could do and found her a secondment in another directorate I was asked to let her go( despite no formal.vacancies a block on recruitment and its CS) I said not until I had backfilled Y and 2 other vacancies in the team (we've been under resourced due people being promoted within and outwith my team and due to a temp block on recruitment. I was asked to backfill Y with another in my team Z - still leaving me a person down... I said I'd rather not as it would have a huge impact on the performance of my dept and on Ys team where all the vacancies are. I was accused of not supporting Y development and holding others back. I have disputed this as I can show the development I've promoted juniors, put others in temp promotion, I've converted temps to perms, I've pushed Learning and development, I even helped Z with an external app for his dream job. My conscience is more than clear over the development issue. Personally I think my LM tries to please everyone including me but doesn't always think through the consequences. I don't think I was meant to find out Y was being put forward for the leadership course as a result of this deception I feel I cant trust anyone I feel let down.

Bit of an extrem reaction that you feel you can’t trust anyone.

Do they feel there is a personal problem here that you’re blocking her? Your superiors seem to think that she has potential but you seem to wish to block her on this front? Is it just for logistical issues? If so rhem come up with a plan to manage those, if it’s you just don’t want to see her progress rhen this would explain why yout managers are behaving as they are.

I think you are being a bit over the top.

Someone else nominated Y. HR made a mistake and thought you nominated both. You said you only nominated one, HR became flustered because they had made a mistake. It happens.

Your Lm told you the exec thought Y should be nominated and so she is.

To be fair between this and teb other incident, it does come across as though you are blocking her. You are really over reacting to this situation involving her and seem really unhappy she has been nominated

I think you're wrong here. You are letting your ego get in the way of someone else's (who seems competent) career development.

Thanks for your candidness. Perspective helps. I'm not blocking her, really I'm.not, she's a bright person whom I respect. I'm put out because this was done without my knowledge and kept from me her line manager. I think it makes me look stupid

Sorry, I think you are wrong here too. You sound like a blocker so y is going round you.

I don't understand why you wouldn't let y go on secondment but we're supporting z to get an external job, if you were too short started in your area?

I think you’ve been unfair to Y. She wants to go, there is a job for her to go to and you should make it work somehow. Negotiate fewer duties for the team as a result/ temporarily reduced service levels, whatever works but I can understand why your LM and Y have gone about it this way tbh.

* LM said she'd see what she could do and found her a secondment in another directorate I was asked to let her go( despite no formal.vacancies a block on recruitment and its CS) I said not until I had backfilled Y and 2 other vacancies in the team (we've been under resourced due people being promoted within and outwith my team and due to a temp block on recruitment. I was asked to backfill Y with another in my team Z - still leaving me a person down... I said I'd rather not as it would have a huge impact on the performance of my dept and on Ys team where all the vacancies are. I was accused of not supporting Y development and holding others back.*

^You were/ are holding Y back. Plain to see. You obviously don’t like her.

@hotubhannah

Thanks for your candidness. Perspective helps. I'm not blocking her, really I'm.not, she's a bright person whom I respect. I'm put out because this was done without my knowledge and kept from me her line manager. I think it makes me look stupid

I don't think it does. The fact that someone else has chosen to nominate her, it's something the MUST be run by you or you must be informed of until you need to know.

It could have been mentioned, but it wasn't.

The over reaction of how you can't trust anyone, when no one has broke your trust is an over reaction. Saying you have been lied to when you haven't been, is am over reaction.

That suggests there's more going on here for you. Either other things are going on that makes you feel you are being cut out in general. Or you are being over sensitive.

Do you feel secure in your job in general? Feel your LM respects you?

Oh and this had come about because you did block her move.

She is trying to progress and you refused to take the alternative they offered. She is being held back, by your refusal to compromise and the companies hiring freeze. Its not very fair on her.

But also, you getting in a flap over his opportunity, backs what the original sum up of the situation was. That you are blocking her.

But how can I be blocking her if I can't do anything to enable the move? Surely I have to look out for the good of the wider team? Who are short staffed and under pressure, I've brought contractors in early re jigged priorities done as much that is in my gift to help everyone. I'll bow to your collective wisdom.

Why was z ok to go but not y?
You bent over backwards to help z leave the company. You are preventing y from career progression.

@hotubhannah

But how can I be blocking her if I can't do anything to enable the move? Surely I have to look out for the good of the wider team? Who are short staffed and under pressure, I've brought contractors in early re jigged priorities done as much that is in my gift to help everyone. I'll bow to your collective wisdom.

You were offered an alternative member of staff. You could have asked for additional support to supplement 'Z' being moved in.

You do need to look after the wider team. But, what I am saying is that your owver reaction to the second situation really would back up anyone thinking you were blocking her move.

That's why i think there's more to this than you want to share. And that's fine, but we can't really help.

In z's pdr and in 121 we talked about their ambitions. Contrary to what is being assumed here support my teams development and I do reviews with my team regularly. I cant support what I dont know about. This year I had more promotions and exceeding at pdr than ever, they're a great bunch. My issue isn't with Y it's with the way my LM has handled all of this. I'm very supportive of Y I know their life history inside out their personal challenges and support her need for flexibility. I've given her recognition awards etc

Op I don't think you are unsupportive.

However, you have already been told that you appear to be unsupportive of this person. The perception from the outside is that you were difficult and would not accept Z as the alternative for Y. Yet either before or after supported Z leaving the company for a better role.

You were desperate for staff, yet coached one into another role in another company. While saying you couldn't lose Y.

What your teams think about you in important. However, how your actions are perceived by others outside is also important.

As I said, your conpletel over reaction to your line manager deciding to nominate someone as breaking your trust, that you won't trust anyone again.....really does suggest there's more going on here.

Maybe your LM thinks the same.

@hotubhannah

In z's pdr and in 121 we talked about their ambitions. Contrary to what is being assumed here support my teams development and I do reviews with my team regularly. I cant support what I dont know about. This year I had more promotions and exceeding at pdr than ever, they're a great bunch. My issue isn't with Y it's with the way my LM has handled all of this. I'm very supportive of Y I know their life history inside out their personal challenges and support her need for flexibility. I've given her recognition awards etc

@hotubhannah Is this the hill you want your career to die on? Really? Even to the MN jury, presented from your point of view, you are coming across as unreasonable and selfish. Think very carefully before fighting your LM on this; it could haunt you for the rest of your career.

Being a kind and supportive boss to Y while she works for you, is not the same as helping her to progress. You are clearly blocking her. You think it’s justifiable because you are short staffed, yadda yadda. But that’s not her fault. And it shouldn’t be made her problem. You are the boss, so you have to suck it up and manage it.

Tbh it sounds like having Y in your team is a bad fit. She’s the same grade as you but you are her line manager - that doesn’t seem right. Your LM sponsoring her move seems like a pragmatic solution to this problem.

Ok thanks. I will take on board your comments. I do feel shit now. This certainly isn't how I want to come across.

From your boss's POV, a well respected and capable member of staff had expressed their desire to progress their career.
You've blocked that for the good of the team. But overall, your action wasn't for the good of the wider organisation - Y was bound to look externally sooner rather than later.
Having said that, I agree with you that it was disrespectful not to give you the full picture. I'd feel slightly undermined too.
I think that you have to take this as a learning experience in how to balance the needs of your team versus those of the organisation.

@hotubhannah

Ok thanks. I will take on board your comments. I do feel shit now. This certainly isn't how I want to come across.

Don't feel shit. Just think about how to change the outside narrative.

If the view is that you are blocking her, then that's why they haven't included you in this.

You need to act publicly, supportive. Ask what she needs, ask you LM if you can do anything to support her nomination (while making clear you also support your nomination).

Between the last situation and you not nominating Y, your LM decided they were going to go round you. Also has as you are both the same grade, it also makes sense for you LM to do it.

Just ensure, that your support is seen.

Take a step back and look at it from the outside.

Y went above you to your line manager. They may believe that you are blocking Y because you feel she undermined you and this has pissed you off. It reads like that tbh when you say you are the same grade, that you are head of team and she reports to you but went to your manager who she sees as having more influence. Put that together and it smacks of 'put her in her place, how dare she go over my head'.

LM offered her progression. You blocked it. They offered you alternatives. You said no. They said you weren't supporting Ys development and I can see how it came across like that.

You then gave examples of how you've supported and helped others in ways you refuse to help Y and thought that was something that would make you seem fair. Supporting others is not evidence of you supporting Y. In fact, it doesn't make you look better, it makes you look worse. You support others to develop and even move on. But not Y.

Given they think you are blocking Y possibly because you are cross she went over your head (in their opinion) they put her forward for this in order to give her the opportunity they feel you are denying her. You kick off. What else are they going to think?

I think your LM is trying to solve a problem that you may not see. Basically that Y is unhappy and very likely that she wants to be relocated. Your LM, rightly or wrongly, has decided you are not the person to help them with this due to some sort of personality clash. That’s the bad news.

The good news is that the LM sees this as a one off and not typical behaviour. Let your LM sort this out. He or she is just removing what will become a bigger problem for you. Honestly this is one of those scenarios where you need to let person go. Y is not happy working with you and that will fester into complaints and clashes.

You are being steered away from a problem. Don’t steer back in because you might crash and burn.

It is not your problem to solve but I don't think it is good practice for you to line manage a peer. I think it blurs boundaries, which could have played into this situation