Depressed daughter and work

[LindyLA]

Hi, can anyone advise me? My dd is 22 and has always struggled with anxiety and low self esteem. Just before the first lockdown last year she got herself an apprenticeship with a small digital marketing co. She was overjoyed as she struggled at school and hadn’t found her feet . After the first day there, the company shut down due to lockdown and they left her hanging for months, so she got herself a job in Paperchase, signed on for universal credit etc . Time went by and the original marketing co called her to offer her a 6 month Kickstart scheme through the government. Great… so she left the shop job and began there and all was good. They’ve just called her in to say the contract ends next month and can’t give her anything but they’ve advertised for another apprenticeship under a different name. She was hoping they’d take her on. She’s was devastated and has sunk into a major depression , I can’t seem to pick her up and she keeps talking about not wanting to carry on. I’m so worried. She’s had a few jobs following school, then college courses which she dropped out of , but did complete a Media BTec. The admin jobs she’s had haven’t gone well as they were smaller businesses and seemed as though there was some bullying mainly by rotten male bosses bas as she’s super shy , she took things badly. These experiences have ruined her confidence in work and she’s in a blind panic . She was so happy at the marketing co and they included her in the newsletter and she went out on a fabulous night in London with them then they’ve just dumped her .How can I help her ?

Help

I would assume they're re-advertising the apprenticeship because they can't afford to
/ don't want to actually pay someone properly and this way they get subsidised wages. She really should know it's not personal.

What was it that she enjoyed at the company? It could help if she could write down the parts she's really felt strong and confident in, even if they are tiny, and that might help her work out a path - and it doesn't need to be the obvious one. If she loved the actual marketing, there are lots of charities crying out for social media or online community support who could give her some confidence as well as more work experience. If it was helping people, there are routes into healthcare practitioner or related roles that could be good and also stable. If it's the admin and process, then learning coding can be rewarding, independent and well paid (I work with a really great JavaScript developer who started out as a graphic designer, you don't need to be a computer scientist). If she's creative, decorators round here are run off their feet and accepting more help than usual, and my friend is a female decorator and never short of clients or money because she's quiet, tidy and lots of people feel more comfortable with a woman in their house or that of an older family member.

What Colour Is Your Parachute is an oldie but still quite good at making you think about what drives you.

There are a lot of jobs out there right now, it's stressful but actually a pretty good time to be looking. I hope that she can get over this, and soon be looking back and thinking 'if only I knew all the great things to come'.

Hi

It doesn't mean she isn't great, but they want cheap labour. That they may still take her on in the future, but not now. Hopefully she can get a good reference. And that door being shut at the moment means she has the opportunity to look for another job with a company that's much better.

Sounds like a cut throat company and I would hate to work for them. I feel bad for her, but she will hopefully pick herself up again, get stronger and do well. I hope she feels better soon.

Thank you so much for replying… lots of food for thought and positivity.. which I’ll relay back to her . She’s a bit in that place where she can’t see they way forward because her depression is muddying her mind . She’s always been sensitive too. When adult kids aren’t happy , you’re not happy .. it’s so hard. xx

I was exactly the same at that age
Maybe she could return to study if she doesn't find suitable work? It's really important to keep moving forward and upwards, this builds confidence.

She needs to realise it is not personal. The government funding is limited for each role so they cannot afford to take her on. Can she go back to retail short term?

it can be such a hard lesson to learn that all the fairytales we are fed about work hard, get on, meritorcracy etc are about the minority, not the majority. For many employers, cold hard cash is what rules. Thus, they will keep recycling her post for free.
She needs to hold on hard to the knowledge that she did well and learnt some new things. Understand it is not personal and keep in touch with the employers and anyone she met there as much as possible because most jobs are got through word of mouth and people employing recomendations rather than through formal application. Keep encouraging her to read about improving confidence and attending any personal development programmes she can.

If you can afford it, get an adult assessment with an educational / occupational psychologist to help her understand her strengths and how to play to them in a work rather than educational environment.

If her confidence is low then I'm not sure marketing would make her happy long term anyway. I've never met an introverted marketing person...

She would probably be better behind the scenes doing basic admin for now. Local councils do apprenticeships, I did one myself years ago then got a job up London once it ended and worked up from there.

Also she needs to just cut ties with that job, cut it off completely, put it down to a covid experience and explain to her loads of people in the same boat etc.Maybe get her to go to the doctor.

Marketing agencies are very cut-throat. I've got 15 years experience in marketing and I would struggle in an agency.

Digital marketing is where it's at. If she can create content (short vids, write and programme a social calendar using free or low

Oops! Low cost software like canva even if she volunteers for a charity there is lots of good supportive opportunities in public sector especially local authority.

Loads of quiet and efficient people in marketing and lots of nicer, slower paced environments. I'd target those first. Or maybe find a local recruiter, near me there's a massive shortage or marketing skills in the 20-30k range.

Even apply for full officer posts at local authority level as it will be full of marketing people with good but outdated skills so they need new blood!

It's tough getting started but she'll get there