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How to stand up to office 'bully'

3 replies

nottakinganymoreshite · 16/09/2021 22:26

Bully maybe not the right word, but for the last year or so, I have been putting up with crap from a fellow colleague. This colleague has no line management responsibilities for me.

Now this is where this might be outing, but I am pregnant, and since I have told my employer this, I have received some comments which I had addressed at the time and informed my manager, and this has been feedback. Today, I left for a maternity appointment and advised I wouldn't be returning after as it was a longer appointment (I am high risk so it was a scan, meeting with consultant and my whooping cough vaccine), so by the time I left my appointment, it was 25 minutes before due to finish, and my place of work is 20 minutes from the hospital. At the end of the day my line manager was happy with this, but this colleague questioned it! And I felt rooted to the spot and felt no option but to justify why I wouldn't be returning. I'm angry at myself for this.

This colleague has a very frosty personality and has made it clear I am not liked by them, but I want to stand up for myself but don't know how to as they just argue back then walk away and go straight to my manager. For context, they have been in the team for over 20 years, so clearly has deep roots.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to keep annoying my manager with it and I don't want to go down the HR route yet as I will be finishing up for maternity soon, but aware I need to come back to this when I end maternity.

Any tips would be great. They make me nervous to stand up for myself and I left today crying (they didn't see) and I'm annoyed at myself for letting them do that to me!!

OP posts:
LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 17/09/2021 19:25

You don't need to explain to this person. I wouldn't announce these things within their earshot and if they do happen to hear, say my manager is aware and walk off.

chocolateorangeinhaler · 17/09/2021 19:30

You just say "that's between me and my line manager" smile and walk off. Nothing do do with the nosey bint

updownroundandround · 18/09/2021 13:27

State firmly and clearly to her ''that's none of your business'' every single time she tries to ask you about anything that's not her concern.

If she trots off to the manager, that's her business. (I'm quite sure the manager knows exactly what she's like !

Don't ever discuss your personal business within her earshot, and ask anyone you do share info with not to 'share' it with her too !

If she carries on then you'll need to have a private chat with your manager about her constant intrusions into your personal/private affairs and about the likelihood of you going down the 'bullying' route with HR if it continues.

I personally would also be considering whether or not to do this before going on Mat leave, because you can bet your bottom dollar that she'll use the time you're away to slag you off to all your colleagues too.............

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