Is this nirmsl behaviour from ne? Why am i like this at work?

[malificent7]

On a clinical placement in an nhs hospital i was being taught. I made one mistake and the person corrected me but then micromanaged me for the rest of the week...i got very nervous snd repeatedly made the same mistake. If it wasn't for COVID I wouldn't have passed pkacement. I felt that everyone was hostile towards ne coz of poor performance compounding the issue.
As it happens i thrived on my last placement and got a 1st overall, totally smashing the dissertation.
So i can learn but why did i go to pieces on my 2nd placement? I knew i had to be observed...why did i repeatedly make the same mistake? Is there something wring with me? I am a bit scarred now and worried about making the same mistakes in my new role.

Huge typis in title...sorry..damn phone!

Typos!

I think this was discussed on a previous thread, that you have a persecution complex from previous workplaces and you were going to get some resilience training?

Well yes...but i like to cover things from all angles...i mean only a psychiatrist can accurately diagnose a persecution complex! Are you one of those posters who is going to follow me around the site giving me your well meaning diagnosis/ assessment of my performance/ mental health? I am looking for a range of opinions and perhaps constructive advice.

And am not nhs atm...am private so no idea if they have resiliance training. I can find out.

You just had your confidence knocked by the micromanaging that's all. What was the nature of the mistake, how life threatening?
If you've been fine since nailing the error so it's never really occurred since then there's nothing wrong with you and you we're just jittery due to poor management of your superiors who should have been teaching!/training you better. They sound old school and old to have treated you that way and like they don't believe /care about students so can't be arsed with training you in a way that is nurturing the best from you rather than than scaring you shitless. Xx

I am more interested in finding out why i made the same mistake repeatedly and couldn't rectify it. If it ties in with persecution delusions i'd be interested to find out.

People don't need to follow you around to recognise your posts, they're so frequent and always have the same theme.

Try to start each day afresh. If you go in to work with these preconceived anxieties, you're going to keep tripping up.

I recognise your posts and I'm not here often at all!

Nobody knows the answer to your questions though. I've no idea why you were nervous and kept making mistakes. Maybe you were just nervous?

But I do know there's something underlying here because you post continually about this so maybe explore this in therapy as it seems to be a constant issue for you.

I am more interested in finding out why i made the same mistake repeatedly

You just had your confidence knocked by the micromanaging that's all. What was the nature of the mistake, how life threatening?
If you've been fine since nailing the error so it's never really occurred since then there's nothing wrong with you and you we're just jittery due to poor management of your superiors who should have been teaching!/training you better. They sound old school and old to have treated you that way and like they don't believe /care about students so can't be arsed with training you in a way that is nurturing the best from you rather than than scaring you shitless. Xx

If I'm watched/micromanaged I usually end up making mistakes or the same mistake again. I get flustered, that's just my nature.
If I'm left alone to do things in my own time (obvs not at a snails pace ) I don't make the mistake or if I do, I notice and correct.

Did you actually understand the process/procedure?
Did you know why you were doing, how to do it and the expected outcome?

I ask because I have colleagues with similar issues. They make a mistake, apologise profusely then get flustered, rush, panic every time they need to do it again.
And I believe it is mainly because they are trying to do things "parrot fashion" and not taking the time to learn & understand the process.

Can you not make notes? Or write a procedure etc?

So not just me then. ? In my new job im left to it with notes and cope fine.. a few mistakes but then corrected.

Surely it's just a case of getting nervous and messing up because you know there's somebody hovering over you and watching you? There are plenty of things I can do perfectly well but would fall to pieces doing if someone was standing there watching me! The fact that you smashed the dissertation proves this really, as you're obviously not shit - you're just someone that gets nervous under observation.