Lean in or lean out

[Nevermakeit]

I have been a marketing director for about 8 years, in a couple of large companies.
In those past 8 years (which coincide with my having my DC), I haven't progressed from a career point of view. I am treading water, and not enjoying my current role, which is demanding. Everyday life feels like a struggle (DC are 10, 8 and 6): I am drowning in their activities and homework, house slowly crumbling around us as I don't have time to look into the building work we need to do, barely have any time for myself etc. Husband does a lot, but is in similar situation to me.

I used to be career driven, but now I feel just want time to breathe, and I want a life. For instance, this summer I took a couple of weeks of parental leave on top of hols, which made me feel human again.

I am being approached for roles which are more senior (very high profile marketing director, Business Unit director, that sort of thing). A part of me feels I should go for them as I am so stuck at this plateau, and it feels like now or never (I don't think I would get the same offers in 10 years time), and I wonder if in practice my work days would be any longer (not sure that would be physically possible!) - and yes, my pride tells me I 'should'.... but equally, I feel exhausted just reading the job descriptions, and think it would be impossible in these roles to do things like take the parental leave I took this summer.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any insight or tips? Should I lean in, when deep down, I just want to press pause? (to be clear that is not an option. The default is staying on my plateau).
Thank you.

Not completely the same but l understand treading water because of family commitments. Would moving into a senior position give you the financial ability to buy some help to give you a break?

It doesn't really sound like you want it at the moment though. Can you hang on for a couple more years?

I've decided to stay where I am and enjoy the benefits and progress personal projects, but in a couple of years consider a step up but with a view to eventually reducing hours and responsibilities. Basically I'd do it for the money, and I think I'd regret not doing it, but on the basis that I've financially budgeted that it would afford me reduced hours later on. I won't be taking on a bigger mortgage for example. Thats the plan, I wont know how I feel until I am there.

Are you middle management?
I get the impression sometimes, that the higher you go, the more people you have to delegate to & the less actual work you have? You have responsibility but marginally less pen to paper actual work.

If you're maxed out as it is, is it worth trying something higher earning with a view to potentially dropping a day (easy to say I know). Do you know what the culture is like at the other companies? Would flexibility or home working change anything for you?

I have some level of flexibility currently: I finish earlier on Wednesdays, as my children finish earlier on that day also (1pm), so that's the day I try and get us to catch up on the homework/reading/piano practice etc which have been much more lax on the other days when I haven't been around. I really value that half day, in terms of its importance to my kids education (though it does also contribute to the backlog of work after), and that's exactly the kind of thing I am concerned about losing if I 'lean in' more.

Id go for it and get more help at home.

Go for it. Ask for two months sabbatical in between. Buy more help at home.

And when you've been in the role for a few months go to you boss and say that it's been an amazing role so far, you are loving it and you want to do it four days a week so that you can keep giving it all your passion and energy.

Seriously though, help at home is the key to unlocking this for you.

@Guineapigbridge

Go for it. Ask for two months sabbatical in between. Buy more help at home. And when you've been in the role for a few months go to you boss and say that it's been an amazing role so far, you are loving it and you want to do it four days a week so that you can keep giving it all your passion and energy.

This.

Think carefully about the extra money and make an amazing investment plan so you hammer your mortgage and retire early.

Go for it. As a pp said, big jobs are easier. It's the great unacknowledged truth of working life (and the reason why so many mediocre-at-best men earn so well).

@Pemmican

Go for it. As a pp said, big jobs are easier. It's the great unacknowledged truth of working life (and the reason why so many mediocre-at-best men earn so well).

I love this idea. Why are big jobs easier?

Delegation. People assume you're doing a lot when you give ideas. You're not expected to do the grunt. No one expects you to account for your time.

I’m with the majority here. I’d go for it. Unless you aftyslly went to STOP working? OP is stopping work altogether something you secretly want?

There’s something my friends and I fantasise about; the dream job - job where you clock in, do your list of tasks, when it’s done the work is all done, go home and don’t think about work. To us, that’s the fantasy job!! Except as one friend pointed out, you get feckin promoted and the dream would be over

Now, my actual job, I’m middle management. I agree that we are in the cross fire of work; we are still “doing” and delivering while more senior to us are people managing, strategy making, getting momentum for their ideas. I also wonder if this is easier. We have the weight of the strategy, the execution of programmes, being at the delivery end as well as managing people.

It's a tricky one - you'll need energy for a new job and you should be excited when you read a job description, not exhausted at the thought, it's not always true that the more senior you are the less work you do - depends which sector you're in and how good you are at letting other people carry the load and you should think through carefully whether extra help at home would solve the problem - the relentless run of activities in hindsight is probably not needed (not sure who could help with that - an A level student who had just passed their test, maybe...but you'll need to look again every year. I remember how intense it all was and I didn't work at the time and with 3 kids ranging from 6 to 10 you have a few more years to run on that score. Maybe you and your dh could split the days? I had the music teachers and the tutors come to my house.

@KimDeals

I’m with the majority here. I’d go for it. Unless you aftyslly went to STOP working? OP is stopping work altogether something you secretly want?

There’s something my friends and I fantasise about; the dream job - job where you clock in, do your list of tasks, when it’s done the work is all done, go home and don’t think about work. To us, that’s the fantasy job!! Except as one friend pointed out, you get feckin promoted and the dream would be over

Now, my actual job, I’m middle management. I agree that we are in the cross fire of work; we are still “doing” and delivering while more senior to us are people managing, strategy making, getting momentum for their ideas. I also wonder if this is easier. We have the weight of the strategy, the execution of programmes, being at the delivery end as well as managing people.

You are right - secretly, I don't want to work any more... but financially for us, that is not an option. So I have to keep plodding, and wishing my life away waiting for the weekends!

I think the advice to go for it and buy in help with the housework is good. Housework in itself is boring and achieves nothing. Its like painting the forth bridge with no definitive end in sight. So pay someone else to do it and also to do some of the childcare. No one is going to give you a prize for keeping a neat house.

Dull women keep immaculate houses.